SINGULAR SUBSTITUTE..--AI a meeting of one of the Wesleyan Missionary

Societies, on Wednesday, a reverend speaker said, the Friendly Islands had made

the most urgent demands for missionaries. "One island Was so anxious that it had already erected a chapel, although it had never seen a missionary." The people of another zealous island "had got an old sailor among them, and they

made him tell of Christian matters." We should like hugely to hear Jack holding forth on Christian matters. When the president of the Court-martial in Black. Eyed Susan asks a witness touching William's moral character, the tar replies, that "he is a capital player on the fiddle." GALLANT Exrtoir.—A correspondent of the Kentish Gazette thus commemorates the services of Captain Philip Graham of the Royal Navy, Lieutenant

Burnham, of the Coast Blockade, Lieutenant Watts, R.N., and Lieutenant Francis Crowther, of the 44th Regiment, during the night of the 24th ult. " I observed," says he, "with the utmost satisfaction, the exertions of those gentlemen on the

beach, in assisting and encouraging the repeated efforts of the brave men who first boarded the Mountaineer, and especiallyin persevering to keep up fires opposite her, a measizre of the last importance in so inclement, dark, and tempestuous a night." A good fire in a cold dark night is, we should say, a measure of the first importance. We hope the services of the four gallant officers in keeping it up will not be allowed to pass unrewarded. Why did not the Gazette state the name of the brave man who kindled it ? We trust no feeling of jealousy dictated the suppression of so important a piece of news.

Nem:is:gm—When Mathews was a young man, he happened to be engaged with a party in Wales. The manager in the midst of the season lost his wife; the house was closed; and the performers, as in duty bound, mustered their sables to

pay honour to the deceased partner of their leader. When the procession was about to move, a question as to its order arose. " My dear M." said one of the

actors to the manager, " We are a little at a loss here—how are we to go ?" M. we ought to have premised was sincerely sorry for the loss of his wife, " My dear friend," wiping his eyes, "thank ye for putting me in mind of these matters—I

t4 am really so grieved—can't attend to any thing. How are you to go.—Let me A see—Oh, I suppose two by two—yes, that's it." " Nay, my dear M., that's not it, I meanin what order are we to walk." " Order, my dear friend-1 am so

cast down—I don't understand you—pray explain." "Why you know M. there is a certain order to be observed in these cases : now we wish to know who of us are to precede." "Oh, my dear friend"—weeping "you are so kind to look after these arrangements—I can attend to nothing myself! yes, yes, it is proper to be orderly—Let the tragedy people go foremost: Nut's FOR THE Lesiotoans.—Who of necessity must livefirst from the produce of the farm P—Answer, The labourer and farmer. Who comes next ?--Answer,

The tax-gatherer. Who next?—Answer, The clergy. Who comes last?

Answer, The landlord. In compounding with a creditor, whether would you prefer security for thefirst or the last payment?—Answer, The last certainly. Why so ?—Answer, Because if the man is in difficulty, or in poor circumstances, the last dividend is least likely to be paid. Seeing then that the landlord comes last, if there is a deficiency, every farthing of it milk come from him first.— Morning Herald.

A Cannons ADMISSION.—Braham was engaged to act twenty-one nights in Dublin for 1000 guineas ; after which he was invited to play four more nights on the same terms. He has just renewed an engagement for twenty-five nights, at 50/. a night. A morning paper, with a prudence well suited to the dangerous times, hereon remarks—" To this circumstance, we believe, is to be attributed Braham's absence from Drury Lane this season !" ROMAN CATHOLIC MISSIONARIES.—They adopt Hincloo dress, caste, manners, &c. At one Roman Catholic station (Tanjore) there was a car by the church. The use of it was asked. The priest replied, "To carry the Virgin Mary round the church." Why, he was told, that is a heathenish practice; the heathens here have cars to carry their idols round their places of worship. "Oh, yes, I know that," replied the priest ; "but when we are amongst pigs, we must do as the pigs da."—Missionary Reports. [This is an improvement on the apostle's rule of being all things to all men.] REFORMATION OF LANGUAGE.—A correspondent of a Morning Paper has the following proposition for improving the orthography of English. The idea of the purifying process commencing in Botany Bay is good. "With about ten additional letters—all of which are still used among the nations whence our language is derived—the English tongue, in its orthography, might present a perfect regularity. Would that the experiment could be tried in any of the new colonies — Australia, for instance. A Decree of Government to have all official documents wdtten in the new orthography, would suffice for its introduction." JO/NT Srocx Sroarm.—The Drapeau Blanc gives notice of an association of a new kind, for the purpose of enabling persons of all ranks to enjoy the pleasures of the chase. A park of great extent is, it is said, taken on lease at no great distance from Paris ; its extent is above six thousand acres, partly arable, partly forest ground. The plan is, to open it to subscribers during six months,

from September to March, an ample stock of game being secured in preserves. Part of the shares are already bought up, and the purchase of the remainder is recommended to all amateurs of sporting, as bringing within the reach of almost every class an amusement hitherto confined to men of fortune.

CHANCERY REFORM.—A bill will be introduced to the Legislature soon after the opening of the ensuing session of Parliament, and we understand there will be provision made to remedy many of the delecti in Chancery practice.—Morning Herald. [What is the nature of the remedy to be used for the delecti of Chancery, our contemporary does not mention. Sir Edward Sugden is to apply it. There is no malice in the proceeding, we hope. Sir Edward was prevented from using a ball to remedy one of the delecti the other day ;—is this the reason for betaking himself to the more ancient weapon a bill?) A COMFORTABLE Corictusios.—The streets of Paris have been completely blocked up with ice and snow this winter. Six hundred carts and four thousand scavengers were employed to clear them. The Journal des Debate, in noticing the circumstance, adds the following consolatory assurance :—" If the thaw takes place without al fresh fall of snow, it is to be hoped that the communications of the capital will not be wholly interrupted." VORACITY PUNISHED.—The huge monster of the deep that recently cut the fishing boat across, whereby three men met an appalling death off St. John's Point, on the Donegal coast, has been since thrown on shore dead. Its death is said to have been occasioned by a part of the boat which it may have swallowed at the time; but this is to be questioned, as the gullet of the animal is not sufficiently capacious to admit a large portion of timber. We expect to hear further particulars next week.—Ennishillen Chronicle. [The Enniskillen (scepticism is misplaced. Our own accounts state positively that five tons of Memel log were found in a corner of the monster's stomach.] LINCOLNSHIRE SI/EST.—The Lincoln Herald tells a terrible story of a mastiff that throttled a horse last week, at Goltho Hall; and adds—" Since writing the above, our Wragby correspondent informs us that the dog has since been shot, and that it was a notorious wolf-like destroyer of sheep against which no person was safe."

PROGRESS OF LErrses.—The Runic goes backwards, and forwards, and round about, according to the whim of the writers, as is sometimes the case with the earlier Greek.—Morning Herald. [We do not recollect the Greek cases (they were oblique cases, we suppose), but we have seen a great number ol English. Most of our Parliamentary oratory affords rich examples of the art of going "backwards and forwards and roundabout."' NEWLY-DISCOVERED CHEMICAL AGENT.—The Atlas of last week published a cheap receipt for making water-proof cloth. The first ingredient is a saturated solution of water! The menstruura in which the water is to be dissolved to satu

ration is not given. •

A POSER TO THE PansoNs.—Why are the churches of England useless for six

days out of the seven ? Why should they not have their upper stories too, and

apply them to the purposes of daily life—to become libraries, schools, and places of public utility. An additional story added to a church would cost little ; and boundless are the uses to which it might be turned—Morning Herald.

A NEW Disrasss.—Pleasure is neither of so quick growth, nor does it display itself in so many shapes, as pain does in this suffering world. The thieves, It seems, have hit on a new plan of perplexing the honest. A gentleman who con. responds with a morning paper complains, that when he left Drury Lane the other night, he found his neighbour's purse in his pocket ! He publishes the fact for the benefit of playgoers, who may happen to be placed in similar circumstances. We think, in common fairness, when one gentleman eases another of his sovereigns, he ought either to keep the purse also, or return it to the right owner.

MINISTERIAL Ecosiosiv.—A correspondent in a Morning Paper says that Prince Polignac meditates a saving,of 40,000/. a year, by giving the French soldiers red trousers instead of blue !

Sowrao.—Apartments have been hired already at Berlin, for the reception of Mademoiselle Sontag. Her marriage with Count Rossi who was formerly attached to the Sardinian Legation at Paris, is no longer kept secret. It is even said that the Count will accompany her to Berlin.—French Paper. [We hope Frederick William will interpose his authority to prevent such an irregularity. If the husbands of singers and dancers be permitted to travel with their wives, there is no saying what privileges they will claim next.]