9 NOVEMBER 2002, Page 111

Q. A fellow journalist friend often has difficulties thinking up

ideas for his column and has taken to making up quotes from me when he feels in need of a story. It would be absurd to write to the editor about such a petty gripe, and when I confront my friend he tells me I have no sense of humour. It is, however, an annoying habit that I would prefer he gave up. What do you suggest, Mary?

Kenya A. Punish the man by repeatedly making frequent references to him in your own works, always enhancing his age by five or more years. You should soon see an end to the nuisance.