16 APRIL 1994

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PORTRAIT OF THE WEEK

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Demoralising the Serbs . M r John Major, the Prime Minister, decided to go to Birmingham to encourage candidates in the Conservative interest in the forthcoming local...

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SPECTAT T OR The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WC1N 2LL

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Telephone: 071-405 1706; Telex 27124; Fax 071-242 0603 WHO'S BLUFFING WHOM? H istory, wrote Tolstoy, is the product of vast, impersonal forces, and not the cre- ation of...

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POLITICS

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Essex does not deserve to have politicians inflicted on it SIMON HEFFER T hose of us who live in Essex find it odd that our county should be a focus of the local elections...

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DIARY

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M odern life holds few greater plea- sures than flying first class at somebody else's expense. Personally, if I had to pay for the privilege myself, I wouldn't enjoy it. I'd...

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ANOTHER VOICE

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A nation still haunted by the spectre of the English country house AUBERON WAUGH M any years ago I made a pilgrimage to Cornwall to visit Dr A.L. Rowse, the poet and...

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JOHN MAJOR, JUST AN UNDERTAKER ON OVERTIME

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The Too , party is the latest in a number of British institutions to lose its bearings. But, argues David Cannadine, it is not the present Prime Minister's fault JOHN MAJOR...

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ZULUS ON THE MARCH

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John Simpson experiences a narrow escape from a mob of jogging spear-carriers in KwaZulu Durban BELOW US lay the Mahlabatini plain, as green as a Welsh valley. Here in January...

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THE PHANTOM RED TERROR

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Alasdair Palmer casts doubt on the claims for a new sort of nuclear device, and explains the real terrorist threat CENTRAL Television's investigative flag- ship, The Cook...

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Mind your language

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IT IS funny that inmate is only used on the wireless news to refer to 1) prison- ers and 2) nutters. It is a complicated word, probably coming from inn and mate. It originally...

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BANG GOES ANOTHER ONE

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pattern in modern French politics: suicides by President Mitterrand's former friends Paris Ah, Dieux! Pour la servir, jai tout fait, tout gulag, Et fen recois le prix je l'ai...

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One hundred years ago

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THE Anglican Bishop of Jerusalem, in a letter to Friday's Times, gives some facts which show that the Jews are pour- ing into Palestine. About one hundred thousand Jews have...

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VOLATILE, AGGRESSIVE AND MANIPULATIVE

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Martin Vander Weyer argues that building societies, once called `friendly; now epitomise the worst aspects of modern financial whiz-kiddery WHATEVER happened to the building...

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Perfection:-

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THE JOY OF ILLNESS

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Liz Hodgkinson argues that Dennis Potter is the latest beneficiary of a new phenomenon: the artistically impressive terminal disease NEVER IN the history of television has so...

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If symptoms

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persist.. . LAST WEEK, on one of my prison rounds, I encountered a respectable, indeed admirable, man who had run a business in this country for 15 years, before having been...

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A MESSAGE FROM THE AAAAS PRESIDENT

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The editor of the Cambridge History of the English Language says the apostrophe ONCE or at the most twice a year, when my column in the Daily Mail has nothing better to do with...

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Dry hole

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THE CONSPIRACY theory of oil is that the Saudis have pulled the plug on the mar- ket. As the low-cost mass-producer, they want to drive out their marginal competi- tors, squeeze...

Cabbages at heart

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MARK TWAIN said that a cauliflower is a cabbage with a college education, and an independent financial adviser is to an insur- ance broker what a cauliflower is to a cab- bage....

They can't refuse

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THE SINGLE European market brings with it the concept of a passport. This will allow the licences and qualifications of one country to be acceptable in all of them. The prospect...

No need to know

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MINISTERS have now decided to seize the initiative for themselves. Like addled eggs and bad dogs, financial nasties will let them demonstrate the smack of firm gov- ernment. In...

Wheeler dealers

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MY RACING correspondent, Captain Threadneedle, writes: The ingenious finan- cial bookie Stuart Wheeler of IG Index has worked out the Cabinet as a handicap. He can thus offer...

CITY AND SUBURBAN

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Lurid tales of greed, ambition and disaster financial nasties: ministers act CHRISTOPHER FILDES weeping measures are to be introduced to crack down on 'financial nasties'....

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Sir: Andrew Roberts is certainly wrong when he suggests that

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Winston Churchill inherited a philo-Semitism from his father. He may have developed a favourable atti- tude towards the Jews in later life, but he did not show it at an earlier...

LETTERS Race for the truth

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Sir: You quote me in the article by Andrew Roberts on Churchill's alleged racism (Winston replied that he didn't like black- amoors', 9 April), so perhaps you will allow me to...

Shades of hypocrisy

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Sir: Describing the altered film version of his exciting book Fatherland, Robert Har- ris, the novelist and now Spectator diarist, excoriates other writers who take money for...

Legal nicety

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Sir: It has not yet been established that to refer to someone as a lawyer brings that individual into hatred, ridicule or contempt or lowers him in the estimation of right-...

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Expert analysis

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Sir: Buggery is penetration by the penis of the anus. With respect to Simon Heifer (Politics, 9 April), it is 'legal' for nobody, of whatever age or sex, in public or in...

Sir: Paul Johnson (And another thing, 9 April) wants suggestions

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for a name for his new enterprise. How about the British Neanderthal Party? D.I. Barker Purton House, Nr Swindon, Wiltshire

Yes, we dare

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Sir: Alasdair Palmer (`The case of the van- ishing witnesses', 26 March) tells us that `more than 300 cases have collapsed over the past two years because of successful...

Redeeming qualities

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Sir: I really must protest at Robert Harris's savage attack on John Patten (Diary, 2 April). The article by Patten which inspired the attack contained a well argued and entirely...

Party names

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Sir: Pace Simon Heifer (2 April), there already is a Forza Inghilterra — it's called the UK Independence Party. I did a Berlus- coni when I founded it, the only difference...

Spy in the sky

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Sir: After his chat with Pierre Marion at the Café Fiore ('When spies mean business', 9 April), Alasdair Palmer reports his claim that 'we used to bug Air France'. He does not,...

Without distinction

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Sir: Why does Auberon Waugh (Another voice, 2 April) suppose that bad manners are the monopoly of what he patronisingly describes as 'the lower classes'? He should ponder the...

Come on down

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Sir: Could I suggest that Dr Noel Malcolm (Letters, 9 April) tours Bosnia soon, to add a little contemporary human understanding to his peerless academic knowledge of that...

A rare spirit

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Sir: I must take issue with Simon Heifer on how he treats my home MP, Sir Nicholas Fairbairn (Politics, 9 April). Anyone who has had the pleasure of this man's company would...

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CENTRE POINT

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We cannot all sit and commune with nature in the desert wilderness SIMON JENKINS Tucson, Arizona inter in Arizona!' was the advice Galsworthy gave J.B. Priestley. Successful...

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BOOKS

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My old China Charles Powell EXPERIENCES IN CHINA by Sir Percy Cradock John Murray, f19.99, pp. 276 I declare an interest. Having long worked with Percy Cradock in the Foreign...

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If only Penge had done six across

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John Cornwell SEVEN EXPERIMENTS THAT COULD CHANGE THE WORLD by Rupert Sheldnake Fourth Estate, £15.99, pp. 269 H ere is a scientific experiment suggest- ed by the experience...

Californian feat of clay

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Tanya Harrod THE CLAY ART OF ADRIAN SAXE by Martha Drexler Lynn Thames & Hudson, £19.95, pp. 160 T he Clay Art of Adrian Saxe takes us into the febrile world of contemporary...

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Decline, fall and recovery

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William Buchan ASPECTS OF ARISTOCRACY by David Cannadine Yale, £19.95, pp. 321 Let wealth and commerce, law and learning die, But leave us still our old nobility! I t may be...

The Guinness Spot

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After the Scottish jazz singer in the Festival barn I come on some lost acquaintances, willing to yarn as though we had never lost touch. Disintegrated dark holes in my life...

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Persuasion in pictures

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Kevin Sharpe THE KING'S BEDPOST: REFORMATION AND ICONOGRAPHY IN A TUDOR GROUP PORTRAIT by Margaret Aston Cambridge, £40, pp. 267 hough neither technically accom- plished nor...

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Better than most of the best

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Cressida Connolly CAPTAIN CORELLI'S MANDOLIN by Louis de Bernieres Seeker & Warburg, £14.99, pp. 436 L ouis de Bernieres is one of the 20 who appeared in last years notorious...

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Sing whatever is well made

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Amanda Craig OTHER LULUS by Philip Hensher Hamish Hamilton, £11.99, pp. 220 M ules of all kinds hanker for parent- hood, and when a reviewer turns novelist there is always a...

Playing Sam again

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Euan Cameron FOREIGN CORRESPONDENT: PARIS IN THE SIXTIES by Peter Lennon Picador, £1 6.99, pp. 220 P eter Lennon's mother was intensely relieved when her 17-year-old son...

Green Vicar

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The vicar gave us a new commandment About low energy ligth bulbs, global Warming, etc. He took as gospel The very Old pre-Christian Testament, A bad move, always to the...

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ARTS

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Exhibitions Invasions of Italy Roderick Conway Morris I Normanni (Palazzo Venezia, Rome, till 30 April; Doge's Palace, Venice, 27 May — 18 Sept) I Goti (Palazzo Reale,...

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Exhibitions

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Ruskin Spear (Crane Kalman, till 30 April) Alexander Creswell: the Splendour of Imperial Europe (Spink & Son, till 28 April) Narrative poems Giles Auty I met the late Ruskin...

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Theatre

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Johnny On A Spot (National) Brecht in Hollywood (Bridge Lane) 900 Oneonta (Lyric, Hammersmith) Ghosts/The Merchant of Venice (Barbican) Johnny one note Sheridan Morley I n...

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Music

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Teaming with talent Peter Phillips M iss Brodie once said: 'Phrases like "the team spirit" are always employed to cut across individualism, love and person- al loyalties....

SPE R

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How to save yourself 51 trips to the library ... or over £30 on The Spectator If you're forced to share The Spectator with fellow students, then you'll know how difficult it...

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Gardens

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Recipes for success Ursula Buchan I was always told that what distinguishes human beings from the rest of the animal kingdom is our ability to cook and to gar- den. These two...

Jazz

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The real thing Martin Gayford hat is a jazz singer?' is one of those questions — like 'What is art?' and `What is this thing called love?' that eter- nally perplex. Most of...

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Television

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Critics and censors Martyn Harris T he Late Show changed its logo this week from the usual lone wolf to a Shere Khan tiger, as it turned its attention to India: 'A nation...

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High life

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Burdening the shoulder Taki I f any of you are contemplating shoulder surgery, don't. I've had my share of opera- tions in my lifetime, as well as two broken legs, both arms,...

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Low life

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My fellow inmates Jeffrey Bernard I was re-apprehended last week by two storm-troopers claiming to be ambulance men after three weeks of having been Awol from the Middlesex...

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Long life

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Rare women Nigel Nicolson hile I was staying in a Cambridge hotel last week, I wondered yet again at the taciturnity of ageing British couples. There they were, some 20 of...

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111 111 111 1 1.111 11

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•• Breakfast at Simpson's In the 1980s, alongside the kiwi-with- everything school of vulgarised nouvelle cuisine (the sort that flourished here), there were chefs fanning...

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Practical philosophy

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Jaspistos IN COMPETITION NO. 1825 you were invited to write some advertising copy linking a philosopher with a prosaic pro- ject. The Times advertisement invoking the name of...

I c.pptan u CHESS

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SPAIN'S FINEST CAVA ValDl o R N SPAIN'S FINEST CAVA Young pretenders Raymond Keene THIS WEEK AND NEXT I will analyse the styles of three young grandmasters who have...

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Solution to 1152: In the hunt

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elliinall 1111111 EIRSEMBR Carl 101111 , S 1113 E El I: . RA ior !m < m o z m M ce0 il : Fl 1 6/0 1;11, mit Pus irrl eS u in mu m u N E I: . a R IMO w in 'r u Biagi g...

No. 1828: Queen solicits queen

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During Oscar Wilde's editorship of Woman's World, he wrote to Queen Vic- toria asking if she had any early verses which he might publish. She hadn't. But supposing she had had ....

W. ea J.

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CROSSWORD GRAHAM'S) PORT W. a J. GRAHAM'S PORT 1155: W is for water by Ascot A first prize of £25 and a bottle of Graham's Malvedos 1979 Vintage Port for the first...

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SPECTATOR SPORT

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Unlike two peas in a pod Frank Keating EVEN IF England's cricketers continue to salvage some self-respect in the final Test match in Antigua, and however green the shoots of...

YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED

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Q. Isn't your reply to M.A.S., London (19 March, in answer to her question about whether to tip a youth who had changed her wheel) unnecessarily involved and therefore...