`We're going to have to give them to a laboratory. They cost a fortune in burgers and drink, and you can't train them to do anything. I n the Queen's birthday honours, knight-...

The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WC1N 2LL Telephone; 0171-405 1706; Fax 0171-242 0603 MR DAVIES'S BUSINESS here was a time when a rich man 1 1 would have found it...

OLGA POLIZZI M y father always used to tell me that you have to have been dropped on your head at birth to become a hotelier. Although I've been in the business all my life,...

If Sir John was covering up for No. 10, all is explained BRUCE ANDERSON E very nation which holds the EU presi- dency feels obliged to hold a summit during its term of office,...

Peter Oborne reports that the anti-single currency campaign is in disarray — and Mr Hague is worried LAST WEEK the campaign to save the pound belatedly acquired a figurehead...

AS WE KNOW, human life is sacred. Now, indeed, that God is dead and reli- gion defunct — to put it mildly — there i s nothing left in the universe to worship except ourselves....

Charles Moore thinks a memorial meeting can be better than a memorial service IT WAS a shock, a few weeks ago, to open my morning post at home and find an invi- tation to a...

Mark Palmer watches a day of English shame begin — and end Marseilles THEY WERE poring over copies of the Sun and Mirror just in from London in a seafront bar on Wednesday...

RATES 12 Months 6 Months (52 issues) (26 issues) UK ❑ £97.00 01 £49.00 Europe J £109.00 ❑ £55.00 USA U US$161 CI US$82 Australia ❑ Aus$225 ❑ Aus$113 Rest of World 0 £119.00...

I TURNED on the news on Radio Four and heard, 'There are new con- cerns over ticketing for the England game. . . . ' It almost seems that my writing about annoying usages causes...

Neil Hamilton explains why he did not publish the DTI inspectors' report on Lord Archer's share dealings I AM not a supporter of Jeffrey Archer's candidature for mayor of...

Edward Heathcoat Amory on which politicians are really to blame for the present plight of the first Australians NATIONS hate having to confront their ugly underbelly. So all...

David Shayler says why he should appear before an MPs' committee LAST WEEK it was reported that the par- liamentary oversight committee, which is responsible for holding the...

Michael Heath

Somehow I feel ashamed to be seen hurt MATTHEW PARRIS O ne's instinct, of course, is to get up at once. One must show it's not serious — just a little fall — ha, ha — silly...

Stop this Frog-bashing! They can teach us a thing or two PAUL JOHNSON T he French are rightly complaining about what France-Soir calls, `francophobie: une violente charge de...

The cart gets in front of the horse and the bulls are ahead of them both CHRISTOPHER FILDES H ear what they say and then watch what they do. As the partners in Goldman Sachs...

I CAN only guess which way Mr Dudley voted in the Palisades Conference Centre, where he and his partners opted to bring Goldman Sachs to market. The case against must have...

MY SAINTED predecessor, Nicholas Dav- enport, was caught up in a City tragedy, now retold as a spy story. One summer morning in 1930, the broker Sidney Russell Cooke was found...

THE Davenport version is simpler and sad- der. Cooke, he says, was introduced to the senior partner on the Stock Exchange floor: `As he was a good-looking young man, with dark...

AT LEAST one Rowe & Pitman client from the old days is still going strong. Hugo Pitman was a trustee of the Queen Moth- er's marriage settlement. This was modestly valued, by...

MY SCHEME for declaring this column a World-Cup-free zone was shelved when I drew Tunisia in the office sweep. These plucky little date-pickers, I reckoned, could go all the...

Sir: Of your two articles about Lord Archer last week, the one we should distrust is not Jeffrey Archer's self-defence but Michael Crick's attack ('The whole point of my life'...

Sir: As an 'often shy, almost always slow of speech' Ulsterman, I am well able to 'tell the difference between a pop festival and a vital vote' (Leader, 23 May). However, while...

Sir: Clearly the author of your leader of 1 3 June agrees with Aristotle's warning against teaching the young and immature sociolo - gy, and indeed suggests that if the informa...

Sir: Philip Glazebrook appears to suffer from the misapprehension that Ruritania is a Balkan country (Books, 23 May). Admit - tedly the confines of the Balkans are a little...

of the ITV pro- gramme on the death of Diana, Princess of Wales, the only possibly significant point raised by its reporter, Nicholas Owen, has now been demolished by Frederick...

Sir: As the journalist whose Independent article mistakenly accused you of loathing football (Shared opinion, 13 June), may I thank you for your generosity in not pursu- ing...

Sir: You argue (Leader, 6 June), apropos of the consequences of abandoning the pound for the euro, that 'if the electorate were ever to accept this further erosion of the power...

Sir: Mr Frederick Forsyth, who writes books in which the conspiracy • theorist is always right, accuses me of being a conspir- acy theorist in relation to the death of Diana,...

Sir: I was interested to read A.A. Gill's arti- cle, 'Every man a Bond' (30 May). I wonder whether Jake of Harrogate was invented by the magazine Esquire in an attempt to inform...

Plain brilliance explained Philip Hensher W.H. AUDEN: A COMMENTARY by John Fuller Faber, £30, pp. 640 A quarter of a century has passed since earth received this honoured...

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Nigel Nicol son BATTLE FOR EMPIRE: THE VERY FIRST WORLD WAR, 1756-63 by Tom Pocock Michael O'Mara, £20, pp. 271 T his book fell open on its last page, and there I read Tom...

Claudia FitzHerbert DIANA by Julie Burchill Weidenfeld, £20, pp. 256 N ever mind not judging a book by its cover, Julie Burchill's Diana is a warning not to judge a book by the...

Andra Linklater THE JURYMAN'S TALE by Trevor Grove Bloomsbury, £11.99, pp. 278 Imo H owever long the trial, however dramatic the testimony, the crucial moment for a juror...

Francis King C: BECAUSE COWARDS GET CANCER TOO by John Diamond Vermilion, £9.99, pp. 240 T he author of this searing and yet admirably jaunty book has become known chiefly as...

John Grigg PLEASURE WARS by Peter Gay HarperCollins, £29.99, pp. 324 T here are few sillier notions than that the bourgeoisie is a bastion of philistinism and the supreme...

Bookol theWee Battle for Empire The very first world war 1756-63 by Tom 1 1 %..,‘L..v4-1,-.. Tom Pocock draws on a wealth of previously unpub- lished material and unique...

Anthony Daniels AFROCENTRISM by Stephen Howe Verso, £20, pp, 337 A n entire country in Africa, Zimbab- we, owes its modern name to the once widespread European belief that...

Hugh Brogan ABUSE OF POWER: THE NEW NIXON TAPES edited by Stanley Kutler The Free Press, £20, pp. 675 I t has long seemed to me that the Water- gate affair might have been a...

Gabriele Annan FALLING SLOWLY by Anita Brookner Viking, £15.99, pp. 224 A nita Brookner is not everyone's cup of tea. Lager-lout critics who don't like any kind of tea tend to...

Tom Hiney THE WIND UP BIRD CHRONICLE by Haruki Murakami Harvill, £10.99, pp. 616 T he themes of this big novel paranoia, sterility, general loss of national Confidence — are...

David Hughes OSBERT SITWELL by Philip Ziegler Chatto, £25, pp. 460 A first glance at this volume strikes one or two ominous notes. On both jacket and spine the biographer is...

Dead poet's society Harry Eyres joins the centenary celebrations of Lorca's birth in Spain T oday in Spain everyone loves Lorca. Politicians, especially, are besotted with...

Brassed Off (National) Elton John's Glasses (Queen's) A Dangerous Woman (New End, Hampstead) Love You Too (Bush) Boys in the band Sheridan Morley t he cinema routinely...

Swan Lake (Riga Ballet Co., Royal Centre, Nottingham) Traditional values Giannandrea Poesio D ance critics often refer to specific sections from a ballet as their personal...

Rodelinda (Glyndebourne) Complete devotion Michael Tanner T he new production of Rodelinda at Glyndeboume is a triumph to be added to the sublime Theodora of two years ago,...

Mellow yellow Ursula Buchan I n glamorous spheres of human activity, like fashion or television, trends spread like wildfire, fanned by the hot, dry winds of ambition and...

The pomposity of it all Susan Moore W hat is it about Grosvenor House? For years, the pre-eminent British fine art and antiques fair has failed to elicit much in the way of...

City of Angels (12, selected cinemas) Sickeningly saintly Mark Steyn I t's hard to believe Sally Field could seri- ously throw the Iranians off their game. But the other day...

Michael Vestey i and enjoyable series on Radio Four in recent years has been What If? counter-fac - tual history programmes about what might have been. They have a simple...

Calm down James Delingpole 0 ne of the things that annoys me most in the world at the moment is that Nike poster. The one that goes 'Historians. It's B-E-C-K-H-A-M'. On...

Not my week Robin Oakley I t was one of those weeks. Person ore er; sons unknown having emptied my wall al t francs in Paris on Tuesday night, I g ° , drenched during the...

Treasured trams Gavin Stamp I n the tragic history of modem public transport, the names of villains come readi- ly to mind — Mr Beeching and Mrs Thatcher, for instance. There...

Ban the scum Taki This was five years ago. Despite losing his parliamentary seat, Mellor was reward- ed by Blair and named leader of the Foot- ball Task Force, whatever that...

Answering back Leanda de Lisle By the time Peter had driven me to New- castle I had so many pills inside me I rat- tled when I walked. They left me feeling subdued, which may...

Imagine if . • • Andrew Robson VARIOUS mottos that have no basis n 1 truth have stood the test of time surPr is• ingly well. 'Play for the king of clubs to be singleton', is...

By opera Eating out at the I N THE SMALL, attractive spa town of B aden-Baden the Germans have just built a formidable 2,500-seat new opera house for DM120 million (£40...

Title prospects Raymond Keene AFTER MANY years in the doldrums the British Championship has resurfaced as a valid test of home players' strength. In for- mer times, during the...

Writer's block Jaspistos IN COMPETITION NO. 2038 you were asked for a poem with the above title, using `block' as a rhyme-word and containing at least five other fellow...

You are invited to write a poem (maximum 16 lines) in which the rhyme-words are all either abbreviations (e.,g. the Med) or acronyms (e.g. STUC — amusingly Scottish Trades Union...

W & .J GRAHAM ' S PORT CROSSWORD A first prize of £30 and a bottle of Graham's Six Grapes Port for the first correct solution opened on 6 July, with two runners-up Prizes of...

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The battle of Marseilles Simon Barnes LO NGTEMPS, je me suis couche de bonne heure. One of my better intros, though not altogether original, or true, alas, since my day-trip...

Q. I shall be attending a number of drinks Parties in the forthcoming weeks and esti- mate that at over half of these no snacks of any kind will be served. I tend to get a...