27 AUGUST 1994

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PORTRAIT OF THE WEEK

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Toxic rubbish dumped on Britain shock T he Princess of Wales denied that she had made so-called 'nuisance calls' on the telephone to Mr Oliver Hoare, an artistic Islamicist. The...

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SPECTAT THE OR The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WC1N 2LL

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Telephone: 071-405 1706; Telex 27124; Fax 071-242 0603 WHAT SORT OF AMERICA? T he American marines are practising their landings on South Carolina beaches; the American...

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POLITICS

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How Mr Blair can ensure that the Conservatives are borne down in a torrent of gin and beer BORIS JOHNSON A the risk of belabouring the subject of Mr Blair and his apparently...

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DIARY

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STEVE JONES T he other week, for reasons too compli- cated to explain, I visited Parkhurst prison. C Wing is an oppressive place; every inmate a lifer. Once inside — and if...

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ANOTHER VOICE

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The population explosion is a demonstration of the human success story, whatever Sir Roy Calne says CHARLES MOORE Obviously one is constantly struck by the fact that there are...

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BUSINESSMEN OF RUSSIA, UNITE!

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John Lloyd investigates the murky world of the new Russian business class, and hopes that the era of wild speculation and financial scandal is drawing to a close Moscow THE...

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IN GOD THEY TRUST

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John Simpson witnesses the hysteria of young Cubans, as they risk a watery death in the vain hope of American sanctuary Havana THERE WAS wild hooting and cheering out in the...

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If symptoms persist. . .

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IF IT'S lesser breeds without the law you want, you can't do better than England. The only law recognised in large parts of the country is the law of the biggest boot, the...

THE AESTHETICS OF MASS SLAUGHTER

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America has banned guns which look ugly and have foreign names. Otherwise the killing can continue, reports Timothy Nation New York A YEAR and a half ago, a disgruntled...

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`HE IS A CLEVER KAFFIR'

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Andrew Kenny explains the deep and coarse reasons why South Africa's white proletariat have come round to Nelson Mandela Richards Bay, Zululand NELSON MANDELA in power has...

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PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW

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Hard though it is to believe, many Germans Berlin `MY BROTHER in Moscow needed some spare parts for his car.' The young Russian lieutenant grins. Behind him half a dozen of his...

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Mind your language

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IT IS NO doubt a sign of age to object to slang. 'He was too old to listen to the banter of the assistant-surgeon and the slang of the youngsters,' says Thackeray in Vanity Fair...

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IS EATON PLACE NO LONGER SACRED?

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Simon Courtauld listens to the memories of the daughter of Lord Curzon and former sister-in-law of Sir Oswald Mosley `YES, I remember Balfour — he was a neighbour of ours,...

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AND ANOTHER THING

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You can hold a candle to bimbos immortalised in marble PAUL JOHNSON D espite the philistine sneers of some of our less educated leader writers, Mr Stephen Dorrell, the new...

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All in a good cause

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HOW MUSICALLY such advice must fall upon a departmental ear. At Marsham Street, the management board (oh, I say) has agreed in principle to set up a steering group under the...

The Wontner Line

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NEGOTIATION by press release is a clumsy way to do business, so it must be a coincidence that Forte's hopes for the Savoy are in the news again. We learn for the umpteenth time...

CITY AND SUBURBAN

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John Gummer's bureaucrats set out to win the Green Housekeeping Seal of Approval CHRISTOPHER FILDES I am sending John Gummer a rubber plant — just what he needs to make the...

No confidence, please

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THE GOOD news about the economy is that it has been growing strongly. The bad news is that people have noticed. A poll conducted (for some reason) for the Euro- pean Commission...

Names later

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I AM settling down to write an airport novel. I had thought of calling it The Twelve Pink Forms or Honour and Offer but have picked on Names Later, Old Boy. This is a...

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Sir: May I be permitted a quibble in response to

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Richard Dawkins's admirable defence of the scientific attitude. As a principle of his 'rational moral philoso- phy', Dawkins offers 'the greatest happi- ness of the greatest...

Exciting England

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Sir: It is clear that normal appeals to the institutions of our Government to limit the encroaching powers of the Social Service Family Destruction Department are prov-...

Quhy not?

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Sir: Neither Professor Goodhart (Letters, 13 August) nor perhaps even Richard Dawkins (`An atheist's vision of life', 6 August) seems to appreciate that the ques- tion Why? has...

LETTERS Topsy Turville

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Sir: I write to comment on 'A little local difficulty' (13 August). In that article, Mr Jeremy Paxman attacked the PCC for upholding the right of Mr Alistair Home to express his...

Sir: Peregrine Worsthorne is wrong when he says (Letters, 20

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August) that we didn't offer to have the inner-city children who stayed last summer at Turville Vicarage to supper. We entertained them over two days to a barbecue and a good...

Sir: It is strange that Alistair Home should have told

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Peregrine Worsthorne that he has received no answer to his question of how inner-city school children would spend their time during their summer holidays in Turville. Alistair...

SPECTATOR

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SUBSCRIBE TODAY.- RATES 12 Months 6 Months UK O £80.00 0 £41.00 Europe (airmail) DI £91.00 ❑ £46.00 USA Airspeed 0 US$130 0 US$66.00 USA Airmail 0 US$175 0 US$88 Rest of...

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DIY

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Sir: According to Andrew Davidson (`Stiff competition', 20 August) 'it is quite legal to bury yourself and others on your own prop- erty', but still quite impossible. Robert...

One for Mary

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Sir: I need the advice of your sex-and- humour expert, Paul Johnson, on a matter that has been perplexing me for some time and inhibiting discussion of matters matri- archal....

Jaw-jaw

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Sir: I am surprised that General Rose should complain so vehemently (Letters, 20 August) that you misreported him when you wrote (Leading article, 6 August) that his first...

Now, now

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Sir: I was interested in Martyn Harris's views on sex in marriage (`No sex please, we're married', 20 August). It is a pity that he wasn't part of the gold- en age at...

Scoop

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Sir: lf, as Francis Wheen maintains (Books, 6 August), Barbara Cartland is the step- mother-in-law of a princess, and the princess in question is the Princess of Wales (who else...

The presidents' women

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Sir: Readers who made their way to the end of my article (`My people trust and love me', 13 August) will have been mystified by the closing paragraph. Gremlins in this organ's...

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CENTRE POINT

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With a little help from the Nazis, St Tropez remains the only point of civilisation on the Cote d'Azur SIMON JENKINS N ormally' hate going back. I last visited the little port...

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A MAN FOR ALL REASONS

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Andrew Davidson investigates the strange literary fate of Joseph Conrad, who died 70 years ago this month THE ASSISTANT in Canterbury Tourist Information had the answer:...

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One hundred years ago

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THURSDAY'S Times contains the announcement that the water of the Gohma Lake is now only 10ft. below the top of the dam, and at any moment we may hear that the overflow has...

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BOOKS

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New light on Lytton Frances Partridge LYTTON STRACHEY by Michael Holroyd Chatto, £25, pp. 780 ichael Holroyd's Lytton Strachey was one of the outstanding biographies of the...

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One of the lads

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Michael Davie THE HAWKE MEMOIRS by Bob Hawke Heinemann, £20, pp. 618 o r most of his eight years as Australia's Labor Prime Minister, Bob Hawke enjoyed a degree of popularity...

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Distance lends enchantment

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D. J. Taylor THE CROSSING by Cormac McCarthy Picador, £14.99, pp. 426 A ll the Pretty Horses, the first volume of Cormac McCarthy's projected Border trilogy, whipped up a...

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The mechanics of love in the Nineties

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Tom Hiney THE ROMANTIC MOVEMENT by Alain de Botton Macmillan, £14.99, pp. 326 I t seems that we have more to thank Douglas Coupland for than we first imag- ined. Not only did...

Sharp axes, slender necks

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Alan Wall BALLAD OF KING HENRY VIII AND THOMAS WYATT by Priscilla Napier available from Priscilla Napier, Shepherd's House, Collingboume Ducts, Marlborough, Wilts, SN8 3 DZ,...

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As truth will paint him, and as bards will not

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Peter Hebblethwaite SAINT PETER by Michael Grant Weidenfeld, £20, pp. 212 A fter Jesus' death Peter was recognised as the leader in the Christian community and the chief...

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Making instant sense of abroad

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Philip Glazebrook T he deluge of recent travel writing has obliged bookshops to subdivide their topography section into 'guides' and 'liter- ary travel'. Having settled your...

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Voi ascoltate

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(After Petrarch) If you detect in the stress of my rhythms troubles which pained me and provided copy during my youth — that long instruction in error when I was partly not...

Fairy-tales for grown-ups

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David Nokes THE TREASURE CHEST by Johann Peter Hebel, introduced and translated by John Hibberd Libris, £17.95, pp. 175, 10 Burghley Road, London NW5 1 UE, tel 071 485 4220 T...

Everyman Guides to: Amsterdam, Athens and the Peloponnese, Brittany, Florence,

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Istanbul, London, Morocco, New York, Prague, Restaurants of Paris, Rome, San Francisco, Thailand, Venice, Vienna. Available from David Campbell Publishers, 79 Berwick Street,...

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Probably alive and living in Africa

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William Leith LOOKING FOR LUCAN: THE FINAL VERDICT by Roy Ranson, with Robert Strange Smith Gryphon, £15.99, pp. 210 I f Lord Lucan had just been a stupid, wife-beating,...

Who's got the last laugh now?

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Jonathan Cecil HA BLOODY HA by William Cook 4th Estate, £8.99, pp. 326 F ew stand-up comedians have achieved real distinction: splendiferous Max Miller — just before my time,...

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Beauty and the beasts

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Hugo Vickers BARDOT — TWO LIVES by Jeffrey Robinson Simon & Schuster, £16.99, pp. 384 he text of this biography of Brigitte Bardot is sandwiched between two identi- cal...

Research

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Pressed to remember her, I dredge up stuff — Such stuff, unwilling bits of this and that, Trivia unearthed, washed clean in fragments, dumped Into a letter to have done with...

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ARTS

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Opera Twilight of the Gotz Bayreuth t hethe closing bars of GOtterdam- merung roll majestically forth from the orchestra in its mystical abyss, the stage in front of us is...

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Sale-rooms

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Imaginative collectables Alistair McAlpine L ast month I remarked on Sotheby's Summer Exhibition of television sets, sug- gesting that such sets might soon become collectors'...

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Exhibitions

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Constable, a Master Draughtsman (Dulwich Picture Gallery, till 16 October) Out of his time Giles Auty D riving a familiar route via Brixton and Denmark Hill to Dulwich...

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Theatre

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Strike Up the Band (Barbican) Street of Crocodiles (Young Vic) Striking Gold Sheridan Morley Y ou have only the next two Sunday afternoons left in which to catch, in concert...

A monthly selection of forthcoming events recommended by The Spectator's

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regular critics EXHIBITIONS Sculpture at Goodwood, Hat Hill Copse, Goodwood, West Sussex, open Thursday, Friday, Saturday from 4th. Superb sculpture collection of Mr and Mrs...

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Cinema

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Wolf (`15', selected cinemas) Wolf pack Mark Steyn W here would New Yorkers be without Vermont to go and find themselves in? Back in Baby Boom, Diane Keaton, a big town ad...

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Television

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No regrets, Julia? Nigella Lawson J ulia Grant, not the sister of the more famous Hugh, but the subject of last Thurs- day's Change of Sex (BBC2 9.30 p.m.) claimed to have...

High life

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Fall from grace , Taki Gstaad 0 leg Cassini, the fashion designer who lost Grace Kelly to Prince Rainier 40 years ago, is an old friend of mine. He and I have played a lot...

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Sublime triumph

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Nigel Nicolson Three Bs may have been our target. They represented sunshine. If the terminal mark was a C, it was a dark cloud obliterating the glory of the other two, while to...

Low life

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Miscast royals Jeffrey Bernard J ust before last week's Test Match against South Africa, my bookmaker was offering 11 to 10 on a draw, 15 to 8 South Africa, and 3 to 1 against...

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Imperative cooking: kids LPL . ,„flimIJOALJOLOL0 SOME PEOPLE say the most

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curious things about eating in France when they return. The oddest I heard recently from the Thompsons, but it's a standard remark this time of the year: 'We had a lovely time....

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SPECTATOR WINE CLUB

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If it's good, we buy it Auberon Waugh I t may seem odd to open this good, cheap offer with two sauvignon blancs with only 25p between them, but they are both excellent, and...

ORDER FORM SPECTATOR WINE CLUB

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c/o Stevens Gamier Ltd, 3/5 Hythe Bridge Street, Oxford OX1 2EVV. Tel: (0865) 791313 Fax: (0865) 791594 Price No. Value White Berticot Sauvignon, Cotes de Duras 1993 12...

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D O

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SPAIN'S FINEST CAVA CHESS caCtipealidlEl SPAIN'S FINEST DIVA London again Raymond Keene A YEAR AFTER the great match between Garry Kasparov and Nigel Short the chess elite...

ISLE OF

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I U RA 51‘GLE 4 kli 1(0101.15KI COMPETITION MI—E. OF J ,1, ,15455 111LT 5,11(. " 11MHISA` Happiness Jaspistos IN COMPETITION NO. 1844 you were invited to write a poem...

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Solution to 1171: Vinshuit

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IA E ID 3 0 1 D Ands IA U TERME 711IC E adrG ' t t AFIEN I ED P lo I D THA ' MBUTOL 1 L L A 2 g ,' VE A N I 27 2. E ...B- GO S HAM I H ihrolttT R t ADA I SM A N AD EA S...

W. J.

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CROSSWORD CI GRAHAM ' S PORT w.aJ. GRAHAM ' S PORT A first prize of £25 and a bottle of Graham's Malvedos 1979 Vintage Port for the first correct solution opened on 12...

No. 1847: Updated clichés

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The clichés of sports commentators change slowly, but they change. In the 1990s no player or athlete is 'sick as a parrot', nor is there any 'icing on the cake'. You are invit-...

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SPECTATOR SPORT

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The glad animal action Frank Keating IT WAS a momentous Test match, and in a way you could understand what (while missing the fundamental point entirely) the BBC clot was...

YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED

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Q. As an American who has lived in Eng- land for 30 years, I have a wide circle of friends in high and low places in both coun- tries. I find it irritating and vaguely insult-...