4 DECEMBER 2004

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M r Gordon Brown, the

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Chancellor of the Exchequer, juggled his black hole and his Golden Rule in a pre-Budget statement. Mr Oliver Letwin, the shadow Chancellor, said he would 'expect' the Tories to...

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Blunkett's kiss and tell

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T , here is no prize for predicting the two least exciting political events of 2005: the publication of Sir Alan Budd's inquiry into David Blunkett's alleged 'fasttracking' of...

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A charming retired lady doctor of my acquaintance buttonholes me whenever

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I run into her in London. She knows I write for The Spectator and she is convinced that this Diary page is an irritating spoof. 'It's just not possible that those people, like...

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Politicians and journalists are in a conspiracy against the public

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T he universal predicament which confronts the western world at the start of the 21st century concerns the breakdown of boundaries. Philosophers blur the distinction between...

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0 n the whole, one sympathises with those sections of

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the media that do not rush to reveal the sex lives of public figures, rather than the tabloids which bellow about the public's 'right to know'. But there does come a point when...

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Mandy: wanted for questioning

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Rod Liddle reveals that the South African police want to talk to Peter Mandelson about the attempted coup in Equatorial Guinea A s political scandals go, it may be less...

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Gordon's Swedish model

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Nick Herbert says the real reason to be frightened of Labour is that it is the party of big, expensive and intrusive government A fter watching the Queen's Speech last week, I...

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Globophobia

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A weekly survey of world restrictions on freedom and free trade A loftily named environmental pressure group called the Food Commission has been upset by the sale of bottled...

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Backing the bad guy

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Neil Barnett on the mood of angry defiance in Ukraine's Yanukovich-supporting east Donetsk T he sleeper train from Kiev to Donetsk in eastern Ukraine offers more than mere...

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Ulster is all right

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Leo McKinstry says that a deal between Ian Paisley and Gerry Adams should be welcomed S itting in a south Belfast restaurant on a crisp autumn afternoon a couple of weeks ago,...

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The hounds of heaven

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Martin Vander Weyer joins the Ampleforth Beagles for a blameless day of good company and brisk exercise I took up beagling not as a political gesture but because my dog died....

THEODORE DALRYMPLE

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Occasionally I walk home from the prison. Usually I take a taxi. Very rarely indeed do I drive; I don't much care for parking within a mile radius of an establishment from which...

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MY FIRST KRUG

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by Sir Trevor Nunn My wife Imogen gave birth to our first child in 1991. Ellie arrived over many hours during the night of 6th April 1991. I telephoned as many family and...

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MARTELL Christmas arrives earlier every year, to the despair of

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any CADDAD sufferer such as me. Christmas Affected Doom, Depression And Despondeney, to give the syndrome its full nomenclature, is a terrible ailment which usually strikes in...

What a shower!

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Rachel Johnson on how the nation can be spared more Diana Memorial Fountain misery 1 t was a perfect London autumn day. In Hyde Park the leaves were turning fiery gold, the tang...

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Ancient & modern

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It has been reported that a cancer patient has had an ovary transplanted into her left arm, and that despite its unusual location it is said to be functioning normally. It is...

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Why the nuns sacked me

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The Tories propose 'turnaround' schools for unruly youngsters. Mary Kenny recalls what it is like to be an unruly youngster — and to be expelled F orty years on, I still can't...

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Mind your language

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A reader tells me that he had always thought 'one-horse town' must have derived from a 1940s film script in which John Wayne pushes open the swing doors of a saloon, gets his...

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Verbal music in London's most magical drawing-room

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A n experience I would on no account have missed took place the other evening in Albemarle Street, the London home for over two centuries of the great publishing house of John...

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There's no smoking gun in this case. It's just one damn thing after another

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1 n scene 9 of William Congreve's The Way of the World, amid a fiendish tangle of desire, deception and general waywardness (Sir Wilfull Witwoud: 'Ahey! Wenches? Where are the...

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The who, what, where, when of the Blunkett-Quinn business

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Iv ho is more in the wrong, David Blunkett or Kimberly Quinn? Everyone has a view. Let me tell the story. I have deliberately chosen not to talk to Kimberly Quinn, who is...

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Reading the runes on the rouble's rim they say 'In Gold We Trust'

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F , or my birthday, I have been given a gold rouble. It's the thought that matters, of course — but which would you say was worth more: the rouble, or the gold? The promise to...

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A policeman's lot

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From Garth Lawrence Sir: As a police constable with 15 years of service I laughed aloud at Nicky SamengoTurner's account of his ordeal at the hands of the Metropolitan Police...

Respect

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From Prue Leith Sir: As one in the thick of education and training I'd agree with a lot of what Roger Scruton says (Know your place', 27 November), and only add that most...

Knowledge moves on

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From Jonathan Osborne Sir: As amusing as your article Dumbing down: the proof' (27 November) may be, it panders to prejudice and undermines its own argument. All this 1898 test...

The quality of mercy

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From Malcolm Knott Sir: Why does Trevor Grove JP (Diary, 27 November) feel obliged to impose a sentence which 'sticks in the throat a hit'? If he takes the view that prosecuting...

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No expert on South Africa

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From RW. Johnson Sir: Reading Ronald Segal's review of my South Africa: the First Man, the Last Nation (Books, 13 November) caused me to think back to 1993-94, when I was...

How fish feel

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From Stephen Grieve Sir: I suspect that Geoffrey Wheatcroft is unscientific in saying that only an ethical imbecile could 'pretend' that there is no moral difference between...

Rogue mail

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From John C. Gardner Sir: I can add my little bit of misery to the article by Edward Chancellor (Hate mail', 27 November). My wife and I moved from St Andrews to Oxfordshire in...

Mock me at your peril

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horn Grey , Cowrie Sir: The otherwise admirable Roger Lewis (Christmas Books, 27 November) should take care, as I write this from a house re-roofed, insulated and improved by...

An ousted PM

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From Ian Cochrane Sir: Danny Kruger (Diary, 20 November) states that as far as he knows 'no prime minister has ever lost his seat while in office'. Prime Minister J.C. Smuts...

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A man of many dressing-gowns

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Sam Leith THE NEW ANNOTATED SHERLOCK HOLMES edited by Leslie S. Klinger Norton, 2 volumes, £35, pp. 1,280, ISBN 0393059162 I f you find yourself lingering on the pavement...

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Changing history with a tenpenny knife

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Jane Gardam THE ASSASSIN by Ronald Blythe Black Dog Books, Tel: 01603 623 771, £16.95, pp. 276, ISBN 0952883996 T his is a strange and wonderful novel that deserves the most...

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Renaissance man in all his richness

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David Ekserdjian LEONARDO DA VINCI: THE FLIGHTS OF THE MIND by Charles Nicholl Allen Lane, £25, pp. 502, ISBN 0713994932 t £23 (plus £2.25 p&p) 0870 800 4848 LEONARDO by Martin...

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Bamboozling the opposition

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Noble Frankland THE DECEIVERS by Thaddeus Holt Kidenfeld, £30, pp. 1,148, ISBN 0297848046 it £26 (plus £2.25 p&p) 0870 800 4848 T his book, like so much of the modern western...

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Disguise that hides a hard punch

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Lloyd Evans AFTERBURNER by Peter Porter Picador, £8.99, pp. 77, ISBN 0330434365 I t is 50 years since Peter Porter arrived in `rain-veiled Tilbury' from his native Australia....

Cleansing the stables of language

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Jonathan Keates LOST FOR WORDS by John Humphrys Hodder, £14.99, pp. 334, ISBN 034083658X £12.99 (plus £2.25 p&p) 0870 800 4848 D uring the mid-17th century the idea gained...

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Shot from an idealist's angle

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Rob White THE STORY OF FILM by Mark Cousins Pavilion, £25, pp. 512, ISBN1862055742 . £23 (plus £2.25 p&p) 0870 800 4848 question posed early on in ... p . Mark Cousins's...

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How and why did he do it?

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Victor Sebestyen ABRAMOVICH by Dominic Midgley and Chris Hutchins HarperCollins, £18.99, pp. 337, ISBN 0007189834 (?) 06.99 (plus £2.25 p&p) 0870 800 4848 T he true genius of...

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The very model of a modern duke

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John JoIliffe MILES by Gerard Noel Michael Russell, £15.95, pp.176, ISBN 0859552896 M iles Fitzalan-Howard was one of eight children of a fairly distant cousin of the previous...

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Belonging and not belonging

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Carole Angier THE NIGHTMARE AND THE NOBLE DREAM: A LIFE OF H. L. A. HART by Nicola Lacey OUP, £25, pp. 422, ISBN 0199274975 , r) £23 (plus £2.25 p&p) 0870 800 4848 N icola...

Recent gardening books

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Mary Keen T he late Paul Getty has left gardeners a surprising legacy. Gardens of the Roman World by Patrick Bowe was published in America last year by Getty publications and...

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Fighting the 'good' fight

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Brendan O'Neill AL-QAIDA'S JIHAD IN EUROPE: THE AFGHAN-BOSNIAN NETWORK by Evan F. Kohlmann Berg, £15, pp. 239, ISBN 1859738079 02.99 (plus /2.25 p&p) 0870 800 4848 m illions,...

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A puzzle without a solution

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Ray Monk OPPENHEIMER: PORTRAIT OF AN ENIGMA by Jeremy Bernstein Duckworth, £16.99, pp. 223, ISBN 0715633309 47) £14.99 (plus £2.25 p&p) 0870 800 4848 J eremy Bernstein is...

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Seeing off six monarchs

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Andrew Barrow TIMOTHY THE TORTOISE: THE REMARKABLE STORY OF THE NATION'S OLDEST PET by Rory Knight Bruce Orion, £9.99, pp. 162, ISBN 0752868721 T his beguiling little book,...

Loser takes most

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Patrick Skene Catling THE SHY PORNOGRAPHER by Peter Kinsley Amherst, £16.99, pp. 192, ISBN 1903637236 0 frabjous day! Here is a comic novel that is really funny, with funny...

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Goui and phooey

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James Fleming THE REMARKABLE BAOBAB by Thomas Pakenham Weidenfeld, £12.99, pp. 144, ISBN 0297843737 it £11.99 (plus £2.25 p&p) 0870 800 4848 THE HERITAGE TREES OF BRITAIN AND...

The nature of the beast

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Raymond Carr STALIN by Robert Service Macmillan, £25, pp. 714, ISBN 0333726278 (C , £23 (plus £2.25 p&p) 0870 800 4848 R obert Service has set himself a formidable task. He has...

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Sound effects

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Henrietta Bredin on how music can add another dimension to drama T here is a long tradition of music to accompany drama. Shakespeare's plays, for example, would not only have...

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Master of invention

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Andrew Lambirth William Nicholson (1872-1949): British Painter and Printmaker Royal Academy, until 23 January 2005 T he very fact that this exhibition's subtitle has to...

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Last pearl

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Laura Gascoigne James Fitton RA: A Very English Painter Crane Kalman Gallery, until 15 January In the official account of British 20th century art, the big names belong to the...

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Virtuous living

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Seamus Sweeney A German Dream: Masterpieces of Romanticism from the Nationalgalerie Berlin National Gallery °prelatic!, Dublin, until 30 January 2005 penguin Classics uses...

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Moor Pride

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Russell Chamberlin T heprovince of Extremadura is as different from the brochure-bright picture of tourist Spain as it is possible to be. Stretched along the Portuguese...

Irish tale

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Sheridan Morley I t must have been some time in 1967: I was fresh (well, freshish) out of Oxford and had, rather to my amazement, been invited by Sir Noel Coward to write his...

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Raising the spirits

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Lloyd Evans Blithe Spirit S'at The Earthly Paradise Almeida T humping great crowds at the Savoy. The Peter Hall Company's production of Blithe Spirit is exactly what Noel...

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Horses for courses

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Peter Phillips I wonder how many people are in my position, wanting the BBC to be seen to represent their own special interest, quick to belabour the authorities with their...

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Raw Passion

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Charles Spencer O ne of the more infallible ways of annoying Mrs Spencer is to conduct a conversation about the pleasures of pop music in her presence. She refuses to see merit...

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Problem Piece

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Michael Tanner La Rondine Royal Opera House Semele Coliseum T ike many artists, Puccini seems happi..1—iest when creating beings whom he can proceed to subject to torture,...

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Behaving badly

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Mark Amory The Merchant of Venice PG, selected cinemas ?There has never been a film of The 1 Merchant of Venice before. This is not surprising, Different Shakespeare plays...

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Beyond the call of duty

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Michael Vestey Vortunately, I have never fought in a war or served with the armed forces. I can't say I regret this as I am by no means certain I would have been any good al...

Who dares wins

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Simon Hoggart r , o programmes this week made the ase that popular music has taken over the tradition of the great classical composers. In Howard Goodall's Twentieth Century...

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Pressure points

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Robin Oakley C ricketer and racing fan Keith Miller, who died recently, had flown Mosquitoes over Germany during the war and it gave him a perspective. 'When athletes these...

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Grubby but great

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Talu rr here they were, two new books side by side, my welcoming presents. Paul Johnson's delightful childhood memoir next to Alistair Home's Friend or Foe, his Anglo-Saxon...

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See how they fly .

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Jeremy Clarke M y Mum thinks nothing of poisoning animals. 'How can you, as a bornagain Christian, justify poisoning God's creatures?' I ask her, sanctimoniously, as she...

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Speed eating

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PetroneIla Wyatt New York T hanksgiving is a bigger marathon than 1 Christmas. Maybe because the holiday lasts only four days instead of 12. Thus Americans feel obliged to...

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if to Ubon, sister restaurant to the famed Japanese fusion

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establishment Nobu, which is Nobu spelled backwards. No one had to point that out to me, by the way. I spotted it all by myself, which I think proves what I have said all along:...

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The Alex-Arsene show

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FRANK KEATING / fancy football's most satisfying kick of the year has not been any particular jingo-jangle or hype-hype hooray on the pitch itself, but the cold-eyed...

Q. At 50, I was entitled to retirement which left

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me free to start an easier career and I got ajob as a driver/valet to a young Saudi Arabian who owns a racing stud.! enjoy the work and we get on well. As is correct, I call him...

Q. My wife and I have been invited to a

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reeling party. 1 am of wholly English extraction but my wife is a Scot. Is it appropriate for me to wear a kilt of her tartan or would that be a fearful gaffe? C.C., by email...

Q. Perhaps I can assist from the North of England

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with his little Australian 'problem' (20 November). As someone whose legal career has spanned both Australian immigration and criminal law (yes, they are discrete areas of law),...