5 FEBRUARY 2000

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PORTRAIT OF THE WEEK

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IRA QUIZ TIME There are ten weapons hidden in the IRA stronghold. Can you find them? The winner gets a candlelit dinner with Peter Mandelson G eneral John de Chastelain reported...

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POLITICS

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Hague strikes with Mafia professionalism; and may face revenge PETER OBORNE A an Clark was granted six final weeks last summer in which he knew that he was going to die. That...

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DIARY

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JULIE BURCHILL I 'm in the Dome: a six-ft light-box of me looking rather ravissante bundled up in a blanket on Brighton Beach. I'm in the Self- Portrait Zone, which has 00.00...

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ANOTHER VOICE

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Madeleine Albright and the Italians have joined a crusade — against the corrupt Inglesi NICHOLAS FARRELL S Predappio peaking to world leaders in the Swiss ski- resort of...

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JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE...

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Andrew Marr reveals the ruthless determination of Tony Blair to rout the euro-sceptics and scrap the pound THERE is an air of triumph in the camp of the euro-sceptics. Its...

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BUSH GETS THE SHOVE

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The governor of Texas could have won in New Hampshire if he'd listened to me, says Mark Steyn New Hampshire 'GET out there, meet lots of people,' I told Dubya at Laconia...

Mind your language

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1 HAVE just moved the cat from the kitchen table in the hope that it had made a day-bed of some annotations I had collected on J.K. Rowling. I thought they would be timely (or...

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Second opinion

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THE World Health Organisation and the American government are fond of dedi- cating (at whose behest, and on whose behalf?) days and even whole years and decades to some medical...

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ORGANIC RHUBARB

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Justin Marozzi says the wild claims made for eco-friendly foods make you wonder if supermarkets have gone barking This coffee is easy to drink, It was fertilised without...

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Banned wagon

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A weekly survey of the things our rulers want to prohibit IN one of James Thurber's short sto- ries, rabbits were blamed for starting earthquakes by beating their little hind...

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LEAVE THOSE KIDS ALONE

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Pubescent boys have enough to contend with, says Sarah Sands. Spare them the efforts of sex-education evangelists • IF you are a middle-class 13-year-old boy you are probably...

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WHEN IT'S OK TO KILL A HACK

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Charles Glass on the failure of the Committee to Protect Journalists to recognise the Serbian journalists killed by Nato IT's official. Thirty-three journalists died violently...

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THE BLAIRS

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Michael Heath

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HOW THE LEFT HAS WON THE COLD WAR

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John Laughland says the EU's attack on Jorg Haider is further evidence of its socialist globalism THE German foreign minister, Joschka Fis- cher, could not have been clearer....

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AND ANOTHER THING

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When Cap'n Bob and the Prince of Darkness went quark-hunting in a Bubble Chamber PAUL JOHNSON do not claim to understand the physics of subatomic particles, but I am...

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From The Rt Hon. Geoffrey Hoon, MP Sir: Andrew Gilligan's

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article was so full of inaccuracies that it is quite impossible to deal with all of them in one letter. A few of the wilder examples will have to suffice. First, the idea that...

LETTERS Nuclear nonsense

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From The Rt Hon. The Lord Chalfont Sir: There is at least one statement in Andrew Gilligan's article ('Blair's plans for a Euro-bomb', 22 January) on the nuclear deterrent...

Europe's sleaze merchants

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From Mr Victor Black Sir: Your leading article (29 January) right- ly draws attention to the different media reactions to Labour sleaze when compared to what John Major had to...

The truth about Tavener

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From Margaret, Viscountess Long Sir: John Tavener, although much younger than 1 am, is my Orthodox godfather and has written an introduction to my latest book. Like Peter...

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Toffs suffer too

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From Louise Guinness Sir: I was shocked by Olivia Glazebrook's review of Helena McEwen's novel The Big House (Books, 29 January). The ,Big House is a remarkable first novel...

In praise of common rites

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From The Revd Kevin O'Donnell Sir: Peter Mullen's article 'Jesus wept' (15 January) was exaggerated and ill-informed at times. The ASB was not meant to replace the Book of...

Caring for the poor

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From Mr Tony Leach Sir: You say that the NHS is underfunded and that it should be further financed by insurance rather than higher taxation (Leading article, 22 January). If...

Woolf's error

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From Mr Philip Hensher Sir: I wonder if Jonathan Keates can cast any light on an apparent error in Virginia Woolf? Did she really believe, until the end of her life, that...

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MEDIA STUDIES

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Mr Hague has lost the Times, but he could still win the hearts and minds of other right-wing papers STEPHEN GLOVER I was indisposed last week, so unable to say anything about...

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AS I WAS SAYING

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Homosexuals must lower their expectations and not frighten the horses PEREGRINE WORSTHORNE N ever having sat on a real commission, royal or otherwise, and never being likely...

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CITY AND SUBURBAN

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The euro goes down like a runaway lift, the Chancellor broods on new tests CHRISTOPHER I- ILDES A City friend presents me with a tennis ball got up to look like a euro. He...

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BOOKS

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From the bard's harp to the tango Raymond Carr THE TOTAL LIBRARY: NON-FICTION, 1922 - 1986 by Jorge Luis Borges, edited by Eliot Weinberger Allen Lane, .£20, pp. 559 I n the...

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Despotism, dithering

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diplomacy and death David Pryce-Jones MILOSEVIC: PORTRAIT OF A TYRANT by Dusko Doder and Louise Branson Free Press, £17.99, pp. 304 S lobodan Milosevic is a man on the make....

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Crusading tempered by realism

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John Grigg CHURCHILL AND THE SOVIET UNION by David Canton Manchester University Press, £45, £11.99 (paperback), pp.240 T he flow of books about Winston Churchill shows no sign...

Voyage into the light

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Lucretia Stewart THE WORLDS WITHIN HER by Neil Bissoondath Heinemann, 114.99, pp. 417 H alfway through Neil Bissoondath's impressive new novel, one of the characters says,...

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A wise head on young shoulders

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Robbie Millen TUDOR CHURCH MILITANT by Diarmid MacCulloch Allen Lane, £25, pp. 284 W ith a name with such Celtic reso- nance, you would suspect that Diarmid MacCulloch must be...

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The inconstant moon

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Rhoda Koenig THE RISING OF THE MOON by Gladys Mitchell Virago, £6.99, pp. 223 T he Sunday before last, wanting to give my mind a holiday, I turned on The Mrs Bradley Mysteries...

Camping at a high altitude

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Katie Grant SMILE PLEASE by Jonathan Keates Chatto, £15.99, pp. 330 A a novel written by a straight man, Smile Please would constitute a feat of extraordinarily acute...

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Loads of fun but not a barrel of laughs

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Hugh Massingberd MARRYING THE MISTRESS by Joanna Trollope Bloomsbury, £16.99, pp. 311 'm one of those rare chaps,' a genial Staffordshire landowner once told me, 'who can boast...

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ARTS

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Games of illusion and reality Martin Gayford on an unknown Flemish painter of trompe l'oeil pictures V isitors to the house of the Dutch painter Samuel van Hoogstraten were...

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Salerooms

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Old Master surprises Susan Moore here are two kind of discoveries made at Old Master sales: those made by the saleroom's specialists, and those made by their clients. The...

Pop music

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Great expectations Marcus Berkrnann L ike several of its recent predecessors, 2000 looks likely to be a year in which many famous people release new records. The new Oasis...

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Cinema

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American Beauty (18, selected cinemas) Rear Window (PG, selected cinemas) Petty prejudices Mark Steyn I 've taken an interest in the career of Sam Mendes ever since, at the...

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Theatre

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Krapp's Last Tape (New Ambassadors) The Island (National) My Best Friend (Hampstead) OJ. Othello (Riverside) Sympathising with Kr app Sheridan Morley T he problem with Samuel...

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Opera

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La La Clemenza di Tito (Royal Opera House) The Magic Flute (English National Opera) Falstaff (Opera North) Mozart betrayed Michael Tanner I t seems that there are people,...

Dance

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Bournonville 2000 (Royal Theatre, Copenhagen) Danish treats Giannandrea Poesio T he scholarly preoccupation with authenticity that underscores contemporary ballet has had a...

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Radio

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Squandering resources Michael Vestey A last the BBC has one director gen- eral instead of two. Last week John Birt finally left the BBC, hastened out of the door two months...

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Television

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Counting on viewers Simon Hoggart W hile the papers fuss about Greg Dyke's share dealings, it's worth looking at the viewing figures. Even people who have satellite and cable...

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Not motoring

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Not impressed Gavin Stamp Now I suppose I ought not to air person- al complaints in this column, but if I describe my recent experience at the hands of Virgin Trains after a...

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The turf

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Thrills and spills Robin Oakley W e can always celebrate the glorious uncertainty of racing. But I have to admit it comes more easily after a 16-1 winner. Six weeks short of...

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High life

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Getting away with it Taki Rougemont here's a marvellous scene in Huckle- berry Finn in which Colonel Sherburn faces down a mob that has come to lynch him. With the gang at his...

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Country life

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Nostalgia for £3.70 Leanda de Lisle lost a credit card on my day trip to Lon- don, but gained a copy of 'Britain's loveli- est magazine'. Entitled This England, it described...

BRIDGE

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Magic tricks Andrew Robson A HYPNOTIST and magician by profes- sion, London's Martin Taylor correctly divined the trump position on this week's slam deal. And this was without...

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Robert Hardman

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IT was not long ago that we were reading of a celebrated band of meteoric City traders called the 'Flaming Ferraris', Lord Archer's son among them. They managed to make colossal...

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COMPETITION

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Now we aren't six Jaspistos IN COMPETITION NO. 2121 you were invited to supply an 'I wish I were. . . 'poem in tune with the taste of the modern child. 'I wish I were a...

RdbN The U ltimate Islay Malt.

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A dbeg www.ardbes.com CHESS Garry triumphant Raymond Keene GARRY KASPAROV has reasserted his authority in the chess world, winning the powerful tournament at Wijk aan Zee in...

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CROSSWORD 1449: Storm-tossed by Columba

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A first prize of £30 and a bottle of Graham's award-winning, Late- Bottled Vintage Port for the first correct solution opened on 21 February, with two runners-up prizes of £20...

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SPECTATOR SPORT

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Agassi Unbound Simon Barnes 'DO I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.)' But Walt Whitman's notion (surely the...

YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED

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Dear Mary. . . Q. While my late father-in-law was recover- ing from a stroke several years ago, he and I were taking tea alone. In his confusion he started talking, in the...