YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
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Dear Mary .
Q. I came up the tough, meritocratic way and, despite all odds, now have a top job in journalism. But I still seem to be socially unacceptable and am troubled by envy of tall good-looking men from Oxford and Cambridge universities who have sailed into similar positions in rival companies. What can I do to get my own back on them?
Name withheld, Wapping.
A. Do not on any account publish articles accusing such people of being snobs. This will reveal your great insecurity. Instead apply for membership of the Garrick. If your well-bred rivals blackball your ap- plication, then you will truly have revealed them to be snobs. But if they accept your membership, then you can be happy in the knowledge that your presence will spoil their lunches.
Q. I often find myself resentfully buying things in shops that I do not really want. I find that if the assistant goes to any trouble or spends a lot of time with me, I feel too embarrassed not to buy something at the end of it. I always collapse under the pressure of those key moments when the assistant stands back silently with contempt for my indecision visibly mounting. How do other people get out of these situations?
MS, Wl.
A. Many shoppers would benefit from adhering to the practice of keeping a cheque book about their person which has just the cover and the stubs but no spare cheques inside. This enables you to put the assistant to as much trouble as you like, secure in the confidence that when all purchase possibilities have been ex- hausted, you can say, 'That's absolutely lovely, I'll take that,' and then appear to be frustrated by the fact that you have run out of cheques. You can then leave the shop in despair saying ambiguously, 'I'm sure I have another cheque book at home.'
Q. I have just engaged a daily lady. Can you give me any general advice on how much cleaning I need to do before she arrives? I am told by friends that the conditions in my flat are fairly squalid and I feel rather uncomfortable about asking someone else to clear it up for me.
AB, W8.
A. Many householders make the mistake of cleaning up before their daily arrives, thus demoralising her by stripping her of any satisfaction she might gain from mak- ing a visibly evident impact. You should not underestimate the pleasure that can be had from performing a simple physical task which brings order and, thereby, a degree of happiness, to another person and should feel free to leave as much mess as you like for your daily to deal with.
If you have a problem write to 'Dear Mary', The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WCIN 2LL.
Mary Killen
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