YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. Last weekend a neighbour in our village called out the fire brigade to attend to a chimney fire in his house. To my astonish- ment the fellow started to prance about and video-record the proceedings, taking con- siderable trouble to obtain the best camera angles of fire engines reversing into his drive etc. His behaviour struck the wrong note, in my opinion. What is your view, Mary?
P.E., Sanderson, Wilts.
A. No, it is not acceptable to use a video camera in such circumstances. The correct response is to assume a sheepish demeanour on the arrival of the fire engines and to stay out of the way prepar- ing refreshments for the firemen to con- sume following full extinction of the blaze. Your neighbour made an understandable gaffe, however, in confusing fire engines with entertainment, as virtually all screen drama now involves the arrival of the emer- gency services in one form or another.
Q• I am becoming increasingly fed up with friends who come and stay and leave things behind. They then ring up on the Monday morning and beg that these forgotten items be posted to them. Invariably these are either urgent documents, such as driving licences which need to be returned by registered post, or difficult items like duffel coats which require rolls and rolls of brown paper and a special trip to the post office. How can I put a stop to this nuisance?
C. T., Whitsbury, Hants.
A. Why not punish your guests in future by taking the following measure? If, for exam- ple, they ring asking for a pair of shoes which they have left in the hall, then send back some shoes belonging to someone else. This means that they in their turn will have to undergo the palaver and expense of returning a cumbersome item and, what's more, will have to be doubly apologetic when they ring to ask for the second time for the return of the original pair. They will soon learn to mend their ways and to keep their wits about them when packing up to leave your house.
Q. Very often in the mornings I take the same bus from Notting Hill Gate as a rather beautiful girl. I have just noticed, however, that she wears one of those Aids ribbons. What is the best way for me to make an overture, given the evident seri- ousness of her disposition? Name and address withheld.
A. The obvious solution is for you to wear an Aids ribbon yourself. You can then use this as an excuse to strike up a conversation and thereby satisfy your curiosity as to whether this girl would make a suitable romantic partner.
Mary Killen
If you have a problem, write to Dear Mary, clo The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WC1N 2LL.
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