COMPETITION
No. 600: In celebration As a special 600th anniversary exercise, com- petitors are invited to celebrate their own imponderable skills with an ode or sonnet to The Compleat Competitor'. Maximum four-, teen lines; entries, marked 'Competition No. 600', by 24 April.
No. 597: The winners
Trevor Grove reports: In giving programmes, Joyce Johnson pointed out, the Radio Times now runs song titles on to each other in a single paragraph. She suggested that readers might care to submit sample paragraphs giv- ing items from an imaginary programme (instrumental and/or vocal compositions) which made sense when read out: a splen- did notion, but unfortunately somewhat marred in the event as a result of a misprint which imposed a limit of ten—instead of 100—words per entry. Despite the stinginess of this allowance—or maybe even because of it—some of the better entries did come in the ten-word limit class, i.e. prior to the amendment of this error in our issue of two weeks ago. Best of these was Rhoda Tuck Pook's and wins a guinea: 'What can I give thee? Romance in -A flat all through the night.'
Another intriguing entry—plainly a one guinea winner to boot—came from Mrs Ormerod : Tipp. passes Night on the Bare Mountain Wi' a Hundred Pipers an a' Hark! Hark! the Lark.'
Amy Johns thought one of her entries might suggest a wife talking to her SPECTATOR-less ,husband on holiday (and also wins a guinea):
'Don't be cross, morning papers come unto these yellow sands.'
Among the longer entries, Margaret Cash's rather hectic lovers' dialogue was one of the best, and wins three guineas:
'Laura—In Apple Blossom Time Come Fly With Me—Chicago, Copenhagen, The White Cliffs Of Dover, South Of The Border— Let's Get Away From It All!"No, No, A Thousand Times No! I Know Why And So Do You. Who Were You With Last Night?' 'Ruby? It Was Just One Of Those Things.' 'Who Is Sylvia?' I Love You! Please, Please Me. Mind If I Make Love To You? Embraceable You?' 'These Foolish Things!' 'I Could Have Danced All Night On The Street Where You Live Because—"I Believe I Can't Say No, Danny Boy! A Room With A View?'
Three guineas for some inspired gibberish to 'P.M.':
'Land of hope and glory, home sweet home fl I'll go no more a'rovin', rolling down to Rio, waltzing Matilda on the road to Mandalay; it's oh, but rm longing for my am folk! Will ye come to the Hielans, Leezie Lindsay? Summer is a'cumin in, where'er you walk, London's burning, there's fire down below?' Mad dogs and Englishmen go down to Kew in lilac-time,--a far Cuillin is pulling me
*way: by yon bonnie banks green grow the rashes, o 1 I'll tak the high road, fear no more the heat o' the sun, westering home.
On a quieter and rather more plausible note, is this entry from Vera Telfer, which also wins three guineas: 'When we were idling with the loitering rills, With deep affection/1 play'd with you mid cowslips blooming In the merry month of May, When daisies pied and violets blue— Flowers nodding gaily scent in air—On either side the river lie, Where the pools are bright and deep Within a budding grove.'
And a further three guineas to Adam Khan in erratic, but just recognisably Joycean, flight: 'Early one morning Down by the river-side, Chloe Whispering "Anything goes! Good- bye-ee Easter bonnet, Buttons and bows; Down to earth, Alice blue gown!" I couldn't believe my eyes: She wore a yellow ribbon Alone South of the border. Believe me. if all those endearing young charms, Apple pink and cherry blossom white Be true to me, Wouldn't it be luverly! Ah, yes, I remember it well: Forty years on I still get the same old feeling, Aupres de ma blonde In the cool of the evening Air on the G string; And I love her Hot spice gingerbread.'
Previous page
