TALES OF A BRIEFLESS BARRISTER.o .

THE professions are getting on with their tales : when the feeless doctor has written his book, then the bibliopolical Bashaw of ten 'thousand tales, Mr. COLBURN, must descend to the trades : we shall poon see among the advertisements, Tales of a Pinmaker, or Stories of a Whitesmith. But let this pass. We presume there is a demand for tales in the market—let it be supplied. in the mean time, we do not see that a barrister who has been briefless for fifteen years, according to his own showing, can occupy his time much better than by weaving together his notions of things in general, tale-wise. We have not been unamused with his inventions, his speculations, and discussions. The barrister is, moreover, a banterer : he gives an air of 'humour to his narratives ; and though, perhaps, sometimes his sprightliness Misses fire, he is on the whole a lively and pleasant writer. The three volumes contain only two tales : the incidents are put together in an improbable manlier, but they serve to illustrate the writer's doctrines and character, and that is all he seems to care about. THE professions are getting on with their tales : when the feeless doctor has written his book, then the bibliopolical Bashaw of ten 'thousand tales, Mr. COLBURN, must descend to the trades : we shall poon see among the advertisements, Tales of a Pinmaker, or Stories of a Whitesmith. But let this pass. We presume there is a demand for tales in the market—let it be supplied. in the mean time, we do not see that a barrister who has been briefless for fifteen years, according to his own showing, can occupy his time much better than by weaving together his notions of things in general, tale-wise. We have not been unamused with his inventions, his speculations, and discussions. The barrister is, moreover, a banterer : he gives an air of 'humour to his narratives ; and though, perhaps, sometimes his sprightliness Misses fire, he is on the whole a lively and pleasant writer. The three volumes contain only two tales : the incidents are put together in an improbable manlier, but they serve to illustrate the writer's doctrines and character, and that is all he seems to care about.

The first and principal tale, " Second Thoughts are Best," turns upon the adventures and character of a young man who has adopted a new system of morals, and who is bent upon reforming the whole plan of society. The novel opens with the commencement of a change in his sentiments : he begins to discover that he has been playing the fool, and that, though the wisest of men in his own conceit, few simple- tons have ever conducted themselves more absurdly. The means of his reformation are valions : one, of course, is his falling in love— marriage gives his reform tile coup de grace. There are some pleasant traits of character in this history, and the exposure of the young philo- sophical coxcomb is tolerably well executed. The second tale, called "New Neighbours," is altogether an inferior performance : it contains, however, a laughable sketch of character, and a clever account of a long and bungling negotiation to bring about an explanation between too parties—in other words, a duel. We will make an extract from this part of the second story, because it presents a specimen complete in itself, very amusing, very clever, and not so much out of the way of reality as might be supposed. Major Cob- hams exist.

Mr. Robert Oldham having conceived, most erroneously, that Lord Summerfield bad paid extraordinary attention to a lady to whom he was engaged, sends a letter requiring an explanation of his conduct. The letter requiring explanation is utterly unintelligible to his lordship ; and he writes an answer to it, stating very laconically, that when the other shall explain his letter, he the lord will explain his conduct. This reply is taken as an insult by the obtuse Mr. Oldham. The steps he thereupon takes are described in the following extract.

" When Robert Oldham had finished a late breakfast, he mounted his horse and rode six miles to Poppleton Cottage, the sporting-box of his friend Major Cobham ; and all the way there he thought of nothing but pis. tols and Miss Franklin, and he almost wished that Miss Franklin had not been quite so pretty ; but, as she was so pretty, he was resolved not to give her up ; moreover, if he bad been ever so ready to renounce her from any indifference of feeling, it now became a point of honour that he should be most violently in love with her. " Major Cobham was one of the best fellows in the world. He was a stout gentleman, about live-and-forty years of age, having a round face, small fea- tures, broad shoulders, cheerful smile, short legs, unceasing good humour ; always ready to do any one a service, if there was not much trouble in it ; an exceedingly steady man, punctual to his appointments, observant of eti- quette without making the least bustle about the matter ; having no eccen- tricities, but always deporting himself with the utmost propriety ; having little or no mind, but seeming to know what was proper by means of an un- erring instinct; agreeable to most people, and disagreeable to none ; having a constitution of iron, able to undergo any fatigue ; intemperance, if it was the order of the day, did not discompose him, and abstinence was no abate- ment of his good humour ; not possesSed of much sensibility, but by no means devoid of feeling ; he looked as if he could never be disturbed and never worn out.

" When Robert Oldham arrived at the cottage, the Major was at home reading the newspaper, he did not know that there was anything else in the world that could be real except the books in the Bodleian Library at Oxford and in the University Librar at Cambridge, which books, he thought, were only to be read by parsons : nobody else, he imagined, was able to under- stand them.

" I have called upon you, Major, on a very unpleasant business,' said Robert Oldham. " Indeed replied the Major, you don't say so ! Sorry for it. Come sit down, and let's hear all about it.'

" The Major looked as much concerned as he possibly could, but that was not much. The young gentleman sat down and stretched out his legs, and with his riding whip gave his boot a magnanimous slap, and said,--= What think you of an affair of honour, Major ?'

vale, Latakia, 02% Colima and Bentley. " An affair of honour! Good ! Come, you never have had a concern of that kind before ; I hope it is with a suitable person, a gentleman.' " It is with a lord, answered Robert Oldham.

" I Capital!' said the Major : ' Well I'll be your second. Got pistols ? you shall be welcome to mine. I'll stand your friend, and we'll have all the cor- respondence printed in the morning and evening papers.' ' The correspondence has not proceeded far at present,' said Mr. Oldham, but you shall see it.' " Thereupon the young gentleman drew from his pocket-book a copy of the letter which he had sent to Lord Summerfield, together with the answer which his Lordship had given to it. The Major read the letters in order, and on finishing Mr. Oldham's letter to Lord Summerfield, he said, Very good, very good ! Quite correct I—Now what is his Lordship's answer ?'

" Having read that, he returned them to Mr. Oldham, saying, Insolent fel- low ! Your letter need explanation / He is laughing at you. Why, the meaning of your letter is as clear as daylight —But what is it all about my good fellow?'

" Then Robert Oldham explained to Major Cobham that letter, the mean- ing of which was as clear as daylight.

" Well,' said the Major, ° there is but one mode of proceeding.'

" He then rang, and ordered his horse to the door immediately, and said to Mr. Oldham, You may leave the rest of the business to me.—But where does his Lordship reside ?' " That was a useful question, and was soon ansivered,and-the parties rode together to Ribblesmere, where they separated. The Major went to the house of Lord Summerfield, and Mr. Oldham to the mansion of his worthy father.

" His Lordship received the Major; with the utmost urbanity, and the Major behaved with the most perfect politeness to his Lordship.

" Your friend, Mr. Oldham,' said Lord Summerfield, has certainly pus. zled me by this letter, of which you have probably seen a copy.' " I have, my Lord,' said the Major, and also your Lordship's answer ; which leaves my friend no alternative.'

" It leaves him, 1 think,' said his Lordship, the alternative of explaining his letter.' " Nay, my Lord,' said the Major, you will excuse me, but it does not occur to me that Mr.,Oldham's letter to you is at all in need of any explana- tion. As he stated the matter to me, everything was perfectly intelligible; besides, the very fact of your Lordship's having insinuated that the letter of a gentleman needed explanation, is quite sufficient to induce to the proceed- ing which my friend has adopted.'

" My good sir,' said his Lordship, I hope you do not imagine that I should have any reluctance to meet Mr. Oldham, or any one else, as a gentle- man, if there were just occasion for it ; but really, under present circum- stances, it does appear to me that I should be very much to blame, if 1 were hastily to accept Mr. Oldham's defiance, with which, it appears, you are com- missioned.' " Why, my Lord, if you are not disposed to meet Mr. Oldham, you may of course sign an apology, which I shall be very happy to draw up for your Lordship ; though I think my friend will be disappointed if you do not fa- vour him with a meeting.'

" Lord Summerfield smiled at the Major's zeal, and said, If your friend is so very anxious for a meeting, and you do not seem less so, I fear that none but a very humiliating apology will satisfy you.' " Why,' said the Major, one ought not to be too rigid. I should merely propose that your Lordship should promise to '

For what you are to meet!' exclaimed the Major; I should think that must be clear enough.' " 'It is not very clear to me,' said his Lordship ; and as you, Major Cob- ham, seem to be in your friend's confidence, perhaps you will favour me with the information of what it is that we are to fight for,—unless it is apiece of etiquette that we are to fight without knowing wherefore.'

" Major Cobham was a very serious mats; and, so far from understanding a joke, he did not know that there was such a thing in the world ; he thought that every thing was what it was ; and because Lord Summerfield did not immediately and eagerly embrace the offer of a meeting, he took it for granted that Lord Summerfield had a dislike to fighting; and because lie thought that his Lordship had a dislike to fighting, he took it for granted that his Lordship was a coward; and thinking so, he considered himself at liberty to treat him accordingly. But he presently found himself in an error; for when he smiled superciliously, and said, Well, my Lord, if you will neither tight nor apologize, we know how we must proceed,' his Lordship rose from his seat and ran.- the bell, and without sayine, a word to the Major, addressed himself to the servant, and ordered Major Cobham's horse to be brought out. When the servar t was gone, and the Major looked thunderstruck at the movement, his Lordship said, 'Major Cobham, you are disposed to make yourself a principal, since you have some doubts of being a second.'

"The Major stared, for the tables were completely turned, and the eyes of the Major were opened, and he saw that he had neither a coward nor a blockhead to deal with ; and as he was not of a quarrelsome disc position, but was an admirer of a man of spirit, he did not hastily take the defiance which was offered him, but replied with cheerfulness of expression, My Lord, I beg your pardon; I certainly did take you for a coward, and was prepared to treat you as such—I am happy to find I was wrong. Now, I should be acting unfaithfully to my friend, if I were to take the work out of his hands ; so, if you please, we will proceed with our business. Not that I have any objection to fight with you, if you please; only, as my friend Mr. Old- ham has the first claim, I should not be acting honourably to anticipate him.' "Lord Summerfield smiled again, equally diverted with the Major's cool- ness as he had been with his warmth. Seriously, then, Major Cobham, if your friend insists upon it that I shall not go to the house of Mr. Franklin, I must say that he is taking a liberty to which I will not submit.'

" Ay, ay,' said the Major, that's right, that's plain : but I tbink it would be best to commit this to writing, and then there will be no mistakes,

and this note will appear in the correspondence as No. 3. You understand, my Lord, you understand?' His Lordship wrote accordingly, and the Major was happy in being the bearer, and he anticipated a week's immortality in the daily papers. Now, when this No. 3 of the correspondence was delivered into the hands of Mr. Robert Oldham, that gentleman shortly wrote No.4 of the correspondence; then Lord Summerfield wrote a note to Mr. Edward Franklin, which was No. 5 of the correspondence; and then Major Cobham and Mr. Edward Franklin wrote Nos. 6, 7, 8, of the correspondence, and a time and place were fixed for meeting."