YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. My mother, my sister and 1 spend Christmas Day together (and the rest of the year separately). We have a long-estab- lished tradition of opening our presents on Christmas morning; those we exchange between ourselves do not tend to vary much from year to year. What I find increasingly hard to stand is my sister's habit of adding to her swag all the presents she has received from her many friends and colleagues. She takes her time in opening the parcels, remarking on the contents and generally emphasising how blessed she is, both emotionally and materially. There is a limit to how long I can spin out the M & S knickers, the chocolate and the thing I have asked for, so each year I end up a mute and furious witness to this parade. (My mother doesn't exactly enjoy it either.) It's not that I don't have friends, but I am not on pre- sent-exchanging terms with most of them. Christmas is a volatile time for families anyway, and I have never quite recovered from being the younger sibling. I have con- sidered buying myself a lot of fake presents but that would be humiliating and dishonest. Therapy is unlikely to help before this Christmas. Do you have any other suggestions?
Pathetically yours,
A. Why not divert yourself by adding to your sister's extra bulk of gifts? Turn the other cheek by wrapping lots of small pre- sents to her from the cats or dogs, such as E.F., London SE 1 1
Dear Mary. .
sachets of yeast, boxes of matches, even a half-used jar of Nescafe. When your sister expresses irritation you and your mother can reply guilelessly, but with hints of pity in your voices, 'But we know how much you love opening presents.'
A. W., Ripley Q. Is 'Santa' common?
A. It has taken almost 40 years, since Noblesse Oblige was first published in 1955, for a growing number of non-U expressions such as 'pardon' and 'toilet' to have become not just acceptable but almost de rigueur in ducal and royal circles. Now the Princess Royal uses 'pardon?' almost as a verbal tic, and 'toilet', though pronounced with a smirk, is the expression currently used by almost all opinion-forming smarties. Though the expression 'Santa' is not quite yet ready to topple the currently preferred `Father Christmas', the way things are going it should certainly be acceptable by the end of the century, when it will
probably be better used in conjunction with the word 'Claus'.
Q. As the owner of a reasonably roomy country farmhouse, to which my wife invites friends almost every weekend, I find myself experiencing a small degree of social discomfort over the etiquette of prece- dence through doors. There are no fewer than six doors between our kitchen and our drawing-room, and I am constantly at a loss as to whether to usher an accompanying guest through each door in turn when we move from one room to another. This seems excessively formal but the alternative — walking through in front of people in a perhaps less pompous and more relaxed manner — makes me feel vaguely brutish. What is your suggestion, Mary?
C.B., Essex A. Always carry some slightly cumbersome, yet legitimately required item, such as a tray of glasses, a heap of newspapers, or a basket of logs when you set out for one of these far distant rooms with a guest in tow. Not only will this measure enable your accompanying guest to take the cue in ush- ering, it will relieve you of your responsibil- ity for doing one thing or the other.
Mary Killen
Dear Mary — The Spectator Book of Solu- tions (HarperCollins £7.99) is now avail- able.
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