YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.. .
Q. We recently went to lunch with friends and among the guests was an old school fellow of mine. Unfortunately she insisted on endlessly recalling memories of school, all of which showed me in some undistin- guished or humiliating role. She managed to connect a yarn featuring my shameful behaviour to any topic introduced by another guest. By the end of lunch, I was becoming quite fed up. How could I have stopped her flow without showing obvious displeasure and therefore making my host- ess feel uncomfortable?
S.M., Tisbloy, Wilts A. You could have unnerved her by issuing a veiled threat of retaliation. 'But what about the time,' you could chuckle, 'when you got into trouble because . . . No. On second thoughts, I don't think it would be fair for me to remind you. No, I won't be drawn, this story really would be below the belt. Let's change the subject — heard the latest about Matthew McCloy?'
Q. Recently I was asked to be best man at a colleague's wedding. I duly accepted since the fellow had helped me to get my job in his office and I was indebted to him. His wife is now expecting their first child. Although my colleague has yet to ask me to be a godparent I am sure he intends to do so. While I am grateful for what he has done to aid my career I see him as a work colleague and not as a lifelong friend and would he unable to give the commitment to the child throughout his or her developing years. How can I graciously decline the offer without hurting the couple's feelings and upsetting the status quo of the office?
LS., Middlesex A. I have dealt with this problem before. The solution is that you should immediately walk past your colleague at work grim- facedly. Flapping a handwritten envelope addressed to you at home, you should say, `I don't believe it! My best and oldest friend's gone and asked me to be godfather to his child. He's going to be so hurt but I'm going to have to say no to him.' Why?' your colleague will ask. 'Because I just don't feel I can give the child the time or the commit- ment,' you can reply. There should be no need for you to take any further action.
Q. I recently travelled to Buenos Aires with a senior colleague to attend a conference. By extreme misfortune, I was caught up in an armed robbery in a tourist shop in that city. Luckily, I escaped unharmed, only los- ing some valuables. However, my colleague, normally a charming fellow, insists on my recounting the tale at every opportunity. How may I dissuade him from propelling me through this trauma at every coffee break, luncheon and business meeting?
C.E., London N8 A. The next time you are made to recount the story add teasingly to its end, 'Naturally my colleague here is going to make me an offer to replace the cost of the goods I lost, to compensate for the stress I underwent at the time and the stress I experience with each anecdotal re-enactment of the trauma.'
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