COMPETITION

Dog and God

Jaspistos

IN COMPETITION NO. 2161 you were invited to write a poetic dialogue with the above title.

Thank you, brother, for a fruitful idea, which brought a very fine entry. With that short speech I disappear behind my con- juror's curtain to make way for the five demigods (£25 each) whose work is printed below. Among the unlucky dogs (a pack of them) were Andrew Gibbon, Gregory Whitehead and Thomas Braun. The Macallan Single Malt Highland Scotch whisky is Alan Millard's.

In cosy canine Canaan by Saint Bernard's pearly gate Our death-dealt dog, forlorn and lost, looks in a sorry state, For God is looking down on him with eyes perturbed and pale.

`What did you with your life?' He asks. Says dog, `I wagged my tail.'

`A sorry tale indeed,' sighs God, 'which puts me on the spot.

You tried to win much praise, I know, but did not Winalot.

Before I let you through these gates to sniff the heavenly trail

Say what you'd bring to make Heaven sing.' Says dog, 'My wagging tail.'

`But what of sin,' inquires God, 'those sins you left behind: Un-poop-scooped piles for miles on miles which only feet could find; Pee-rusted lampposts, postman's scars, do these not make you wail?'

No answer from poor dog there comes. He simply wags his tail.

'Just think!' begs God. 'What's "think"?'

thinks dog, for thinking's not his strength. `To let you into Heaven,' says God, 'I'd go to any length.'

`To any length?' asks dog. 'Then why use words to no avail

When all Heaven needs, as Heaven knows well, is just a wagging tail?'

(Alan Millard)

God: Your mirror-image? To what end?

Dog: You, too, could be man's favourite friend. God: But I'm omnipotent, above

Such woolly, foolish, maudlin love. Dog: Gerroff! Your fan-club's on the wane.

Man likes a stylish hound to train. God: But I created you...

Dog: So what?

Now human nature writes the plot. Rottie, Retriever — pick a breed.

They'll love you for it. Take a lead.

God: But I move in mysterious ways, My miracles...

Dog: . . . a has-been craze.

Just look around and copy me.

First fix yourself a pedigree.

Forget the church and synagogue.

Come on, it's 'Love me, love my dog.'

(D.A. Prince) God: I hear a hound philosophise With the wisdom of a Daniel.

Dog: Oh, yes, I sometimes theorise Although I'm just a spaniel.

You give us dogs instinct to fight Like many another creature, But should we think that war is right?

God: No, that is human nature.

I got things wrong: what men can't see They lose all faith in, nearly.

So now they don't believe in Me, But thousands love you dearly. Dog: Poor you. I heard this wise remark: More sinned against than sinning.'

And if I may, this quote I'll bark: `Your end is my beginning.'

(Alanna Blake) Dog: Hear, Sir, petition from the canine sort. God: I'm joining atoms. Try and keep it short. Dog: We're bred for squashy heads and floppy

ears -

God : That hardly strikes me as a vale of tears. Dog : What do we get? 'Down, boy!' and 'Heel!' and 'Come!'

God : Along with doggy chocolate drops and Chum.

Dog : We want to walk the wilder side as well. God : Didn't you have that jaunt with Jezebel? Dog : Yes, but Elisha's curse. Who stole the

show?

God : Now look, I had to give the bears a go. Dog : Besides, things have gone down since then. And how!

God : Don't snap at Me. You're not in Eastbourne now.

Dog : With all due reverence, how can You expect -

God : Didn't you say 'petition'? Show respect! Dog (sadly): It seems, Sir, dogs are doomed to whine alone. God (softening): You seem to like contention. Here's the bone.

(Chris Tingley) Dog: O master of the master race To whom the primates pray, Enlighten me, all-knowing God: Will doggies have their day?

God : O true and faithful servant, know The wisdom of My laws; The day will come when I will place My trust in canine paws.

Dog: And will there be a time, dear God, When dogs shall raise their eyes Above their kennels to behold A canine paradise?

God : I fed you bones, 0 loyal beast,

When man was given cake; But that will change. In trusting men I made a bad mistake. (Frank McDonald)