YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. .
Q. Recently I had some guests to dinner. I did not know them very well. I enjoyed the evening but at around one o'clock felt decidedly tired. What is the polite time to go home, and how could I tactfully have Suggested that I wanted to go to bed?
j.m.@virgin.net A. Never mind at what time people should go home; it is very flattering if they overstay their welcome. When you have had enough, however, say at one o'clock, you need only leave the room discreetly, go to another and tap the following code into your telephone: *55*0120#. The 'Reminder Call' service from British Telecom ensures that your telephone will ring at any time you have programmed, in this case 1.20 a.m., where- upon an electronic voice will announce, 'This is your reminder call.' When yours goes at this time, let it ring for long enough for your guests to notice before you answer it. Holding the receiver against your stom- ach to block out the sound of the electronic voice say, 'Has someone ordered a taxi?' Your guests will slowly come to their senses as they wonder in turn whether they have ordered a taxi. A discussion about how to get home will be prompted naturally. hi their drunkenness they will not notice if you hang up and redial a genuine taxi firm to order a car. Either way you will have set the ball of departure rolling.
Q. I have received a circular letter from my accountant explaining that he is off on a horseback holiday with a difference: he invites his clients to sponsor him at the rate of anything between 10p and £10 per mile, completed by him and his mount, to raise money for a deserving charity. Their intend- ed route will circumnavigate Greater Lon- don, a total distance of more than 200 miles. You will be quick to see that this puts me in a difficult position: my accountant knows exactly what I earn and may well expect noth- ing less than a top-rate contribution which, frankly, I cannot afford for private reasons that I would not want to disclose to anybody, including him. How can I sign up for a token sum per mile without appearing mean?
C. S. address withheld A. Send a letter explaining that you reserve the bulk of your charitable donations for your favoured cause, the homeless, to whom you make generous street contributions whenever possible. You will therefore be sponsoring your accountant for only the minimum ten pence per mile. As a charity supporter himself, you are sure he will understand where your first loyalty must lie.
Q. I am having 12 people for drinks next Sunday evening. What cocktail snacks are currently fashionable and what is the best way of circulating these? Should one have somebody handing them round or just load a series of side-tables if we have to be indoors?
Mi., Somerset A. A popular snack on the circuit at the moment is bread sticks enveloped at their tips with Parma ham. The figure-conscious will enjoy scrubbed baby carrots adjacent to a bowl of mashed avocado squirted with lemon juice. Ensure that the carrots are short enough to preclude saliva-rich stumps being introduced into the mixture on a secondary dipping. Cocktail snacks are best not handed round. Conversations have to be interrupted so people can say 'Ooh! Thank you!' or 'Not for me'. More so when, after serial accep- tance, they then feel obliged to comment on the snacks or on their own inability to resist them. Better to display the fayre on one large table towards which guests can make their way when so tempted. This will assist with ebb and flow and allow people to get away from those they are stuck with.
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