YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. .
Q. My great-uncle-in-law has given us a house virtually next door to his own and now asks us to lunch at least once a week. As I am reputedly his favourite female member of the family I am always put next to him. Unfortunately his eating habits Include spitting out half-masticated pellets which he has decided his teeth are no Match for and positioning them Tinker-Tai- lor-Soldier-Sailor style around the back of his plate. Poor old boy, he is 83 years old, but this doesn't lessen the revulsion. I am finding it more and more difficult to choke down my own food. What is your solution.
F.M.B., Sutherland A. The fashionable Knightsbridge opticians Cutler &, Gross supply a classic model spec- tacle frame with extra wide arms to protect sunbathers from the glare of side rays. These can serve equally well as blinkers to limit your field of vision at the luncheon table. Even if you do not actually require spectacles, there is no reason why you should not commission a pair with plain glass in the lenses.
Q. When visiting a friend's flat and briefly
going to the bathroom, is it correct to use the immaculately clean linen towel which is usually arranged only inches away from the washbasin?
R.M.M., London W2 A. No. The flamboyant and selfish gesture is only suitable for commercial premises. In a private dwelling, it is much politer to use a towel which looks as though it has already been slightly soiled by your friend or, indeed, even simply to shake your hands dry.
Q. I am going into hospital soon to have an embarrassing operation on my lower pelvis. I cannot face the thought of some of my more insensitive and immature friends
ringing up all the time, screaming with sus- pense and wanting blow-by-blow bulletins of what is happening so they can sensation- alise them around our network and laugh about me. I do not want to tell the switch- board not to put calls through as there are certain other people I depend on hearing from to bolster my spirits. How can I despatch the nuisance callers without being excessively rude?
T.F., Taynton
A. Do not allow yourself to waste energy in dreading these calls. When the unwelcome enquirers ring up, simply say, 'It's lovely to hear from you but can I ring you back? I'm with the doctor at the moment.' In this way you can delay talking to these people almost indefinitely as, once you have had the operation, you can say, 'I'm very drugged up at the moment. Can I ring you back when I can marshal my thoughts more clearly?'
Mary Killen
Dear Mary — The Spectator Book of Solutions (HarperCollins £7.99) is now available.
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