THE SPECTATORS LIBRARY.
Crotchet Castle is a most amusing performance : it has all the authors wit, with a good deal of his perverseness. The object of his ridicule is the " march of mind :" the individual he loves least is " the learned friend" who, before his elevation, was, and probably continues to be, the spirit of the Society for the Diffusion of Know- ledge. Crotchet Castle, the country-house of a Scotch merchant who has made a large fortune by watching the turn of the mar- ket, is the resort of a number of individuals of scientific fame, who may be said to represent the opinions or pursuits of the day. Mr. M'Qnedy (Mr. M'CULLOCB) is a political economist of the largest bore. Mr. Skionar is a German metaphysician and poet (COLERIDGE). Dr. Morhific is a plague-doctor, an anti-con- tagionist, who goes about inoculating himself with all kinds of other people's diseases. Mr. Fire-damp (Dr. M'Cum.ocu) is a professor of malaria. Mr. Chainmail is an amateur of the twelfth century : he dines in an old hall with his servants, on barons of beef and ale, and conceives that the march of mind is retrograde. Dr. Folliott is a clergyman of great orthodoxy, a gourmand, a classical scholar, and a wit of a lumbering genus. Thesepeople are set by the ears at Crotchet Castle ; they take a trip up the Thames to its source and so on to Wales together in Crotchet's flotilla; and other contrivances are employed to bring out their respective absurdities,—more particularly a Christmas dinner, in the style of the days of Richard Coeur de Lion, at Chainmail Hall ; when the company is disturbed by Captain Swing and several hundred followers ; who are, however, repelled by a sally of the antiquarian party, armed with the lances and swords and clubs of the crusaders which grace the hall. The author (we believe it is no secret who he is) is one of the pleasantest writers of the day: no satirist of our times amuses while he scourges except the author of Melincourt. He is not in spirit a man of the present times—of earnest purpose, fierce argu- mentation, and extreme dulness : he feels little sympathy with any party or set of opinions, and he has that felicitous turn for humour, that he sees the absurdity of each. He is not, like Hoop, a wit of words : his materials lie far deeper—the manners and morals, or we may say, the spirit of the age. Few men are better qualified to laugh at all sects, for lie is well acquainted with the tenets of each : the great let-down of most wits is their ignorance—the author of Crotchet Castle is only not encumbered by his learning. It is no slight testimony in favour of this writer, that, though sharing many opinions with the persons here ridiculed, and esti- mating far differently the labours of " the learned friend," we have been exceedingly amused by his little book ; we do not remember that a single page has been turned over without producing its laugh. In the following very clever letters from Mr. Touchand- go, and his clerk Mr. Robthetill, who were found absent one foggy morning from the bank in Lombard Street, the reader will probably consider with us, that it is meant to shadow forth the character and circumstances of an eminent banker and his clerk, who were hotly pursued in their retreat, and on whose assets a di- vidend of 6d. in the pound has lately been declared. The letters are addressed to the banker's daughter, who had been left behind.
" Dotandearryonetown, State of Apodidraskiana; April 1, 18..
"MY DEAR CHILD,—I am anxious to learn what are your present posi- tion, intention, and prospects. The fairies Who dropped gold in your shoe, on the morning when I ceased to be a respectable man in London, will soon find a talismanic channel for transmitting you a stocking full of dollars, which will fit the shoe as well as the foot of Cinderella fitted her slipper. I am happy to say, I am again become a respectable man. It was always my ambition to be a respectable man, and I am a very respectable man here, in this n'ew township of a new state, where I have purchased five thousand acres of land, at two dollars an acre, hard cash, and established a very flourishing bank. The notes of Touchandgo and Company, soft cash, are now the exclusive currency of all this vicinity. This is the land in which all men flourish ; but there are three classes of men who flourish especially,—methodist preachers, slave-drivers, and paper-money manufacturers ; and as one of the latter, I have just painted the word BANK on a fine slab of maple, which was green and growing when I arrived, and have discounted for the settlers, in my own currency, sundry bills, which are to be paid when the proceeds of the crop they have just sown shall return from New Orleans ; so that my notes are the representatives of vegetation that is to be, and I am accordingly a capitalist of the first magnitude. The people here know -very well that I ran away from London ; but the most of them have run :away from some place or other ; and they have a great respect for me, because they think I ran away with something worth taking, which few -of-them had the luck or the wit to do. This gives them confidence in my :resources, at the same time that, as there is nothing portable in the settle- anent except my own notes, they have no fear that 1 shall run away with 'them. They know I am thoroughly conversant with the principles of banking, and as they have plenty of industry, no lack of sharpness, and
abundance of land, they wanted nothing but capital to organize a ilourishing settlement ; and this capital I have manufactured to the extent required, at the expense of a small importation of pens, ink, and paper, and two or three inimitable copper plates. I have abundance
here of all good things, a good conscience included; for I really cannot see that I have done any wrong. This was my position : I owed half a million of money; and I had a trifle in my pocket. It was clear that this trifle could never find its way to the right owner. The question was whether I should, keep-it, and live like a gentleman ; or hand it over to lawyers and commissioners of bankruptcy, and die like' a dog on a dunghill ; If I could have thought that the said lawyers, &c, bad a better title to it than myself, I might have hesitated ; but; as such title was ntit apparent to my satisfaction, I decided the question' in mfown favour ; the right owners, as I have already said, being out of the question'altogether. I have always taken scientific views of morals and politics, a habit front which I derive much comfort under existing circumstances. " I hope you adhere to your music, though I cannot Hope again to accom; pang your harp with my flute. My last andante movement was too forte for those whom it took by surprise. Let not your allegro vivace he damped by young Crotchet's desertion, which, though I have not beard it, .I take for granted. He is, like myself, a scientific politician, and has an eye as keen as a needle to his own interest. He has had good luck so far, and is gorgeous in the spoils of many gulls ; but I think the Polar Basin and Walrus Company will be too much for him yet. There has been a splendid outlay on credit, and he is the only man, of the original parties concerned, of whom his Majesty's sheriffs could give any account. " I will not ask you to come here. There is no husband for you. The men smoke, drink, and fight, and break more of their own heads than of girls' hearts. Those among them who are musical, sing nothing but psalms. They are excellent fellows in their way, but you would not like them. " Au reste, here are no rents, no taxes, no poor-rates, no tithes, no church-establishment, no routs, no clubs, no rotten besought, no operas, no concerts, no theatres, no beggars, no thieves, no king, no lords, no ladies, and only one gentleman, videlicet, your loving father,
" TIMOTHY TOUCHANDGO.
" P.S. I send you one of my notes ; I can afford to part with it. If you are accused of receiving money from me, you may pay it over to my as- signees. Robthetill continues to be my factotum ; I say no more of him in this place : he will give you an account of himself." Dotandcarryonetowa, &c. "DEAR Miss,—Mr. Touchandgo will have told you of our arrival here, of our setting up a bank, and so forth. We came here in a tilted waggon, which served us for parlour, kitchen, and all. We soon got up a log- house ; and, unluckily, we as soon got it down again, for the first fire we made in it burned down house and all. However, our second experi^ ment was more fortunate; and we are pretty well lodged in a house of three rooms on a floor; I should say the floor, for there is but one. This new state is free to hold slaves; all the new states have not this privilege ; Mr. Touchandgo has bought some, and they are building hint a villa. Mr. Touchandgo is in a thriving way, but he is not happy here: he longs for parties and concerts, and a seat in Congress. He thinks it very hard that he cannot buy one with his own coinage, as he used to do in England. Besides, he is afraid of the Regulators, who, if they do not like a man's character, wait upon him and flog him, doubling the dose at stated intervals, till he takes himself off. He does not like this system of administering justice : though I think he has nothing to fear from it. He has the character of having money, which is the best of all characters here, as at home. He lets his old English prejudices influence his opinions of his new neighbours ; but I assure you they have many virtues. Though they do keep slaves, they are all ready to fight for their own liberty ; and I should not like to be an enemy within reach of one of their rifles. When I say enemy, I include bailiff in the term. One was shot not long ago. There was a trial ; the jury gave two dollars damages ; the judge said they must find guilty or not guilty; but the counsel for the defendant (they would not call -him pri- soner) offered to fight the judge upon the point : and as this was said literally, -not metaphorically, and the counsel was a stout fellow, the judge gave in. The two dollars damages were not paid after all ; for the defendant challenged the foreman to box for double or quits, and the foreman was beaten. The folks in New York made a great outcry, about it, but here it was considered all as it should be. So you, see, Miss, jus- tice, liberty, and every thing else of that kind, are different in different places, just as suits the convenience of those who have the sword in their own hands. Hoping to hear of your health and happiness, I remain,
" Dear Miss, your dutiful servant, " RODERICK ROBTHETILL."
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