YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. Some time ago I was invited to the Cotswolds by friends for the weekend. We were somewhat irked latterly to receive the news that we had been 'booked in' to a charming country hotel close to the home of our hostess. It seems very late to bow out of what will now prove to be an extremely expensive dinner. I should like your advice on how, subtly but clearly, to indicate our disapproval, and how to deal with a similar situation should it arise, preferably without losing friends.
1-1.R-T:, Kensington W8 A. Should such a situation arise again you could pretend to assume that your hostess will be meeting the hotel bill out of her own funds. You can then be adamant that you `really can't allow you to pay a huge hotel bill for me. Such a waste of money . . . Let's postpone my visit for a few weeks, when someone I know who lives fairly near you will be able to put me up . . . ' In the mean- time, you could punish this month's hostess with the following method. At dinner on the Saturday night, while complimenting her in the normal way, make repeated ambiguous references to the 'incredible luxury' of the hotel you are staying in and
Dear Mary.. .
the 'fantastic surprise' of finding yourself billeted there. Keep saying, 'You are good. You are brilliant', with a nodding head and eyebrows raised in an `I-know-how-much- it-must-have-cost-you' expression of grati- tude. The unnerving thought that you have assumed she will be settling the hotel bill will force your hostess into spelling out the exact terms of your accommodation. Just allow your eyes to flicker briefly before you insist, 'Oh no, of course I'm paying my own hotel bill. What on earth made you think I wouldn't be?'
Q. May I suggest a solution to the problem of 'ageing boyfriends' (how to describe a man to whom one is romantically linked yet neither married nor engaged and who is too old to be a boyfriend) on page 2 of your book Dear Mary? The Swedish term `ombudsman' for a go-between has appar- ently been successfully incorporated into the English language. Why not adopt the Swedish term for unmarried couples? Whether homo- or heterosexual, young or old, the unmarried partner is called a sambo, pronounced sumboo. It is a contrac- tion of the term for living together, sam- man bo, and can be used as a noun or a verb. 'This is Jim's new sambo, Dave'; `We've been sambos for two years' or 'We sambos . . . ' or `Do bring your sambo to dine with us.' The relationship is even recognised by the Swedish foreign office, which gives diplomatic passports to its agents' sambos, and the children of unmar- ried couples inherit the same as legitimate offspring. They can choose the surname of either parent.
B.M.C., San Pedro de Alcdntara, Spain A. Thank you for your suggestion. Sambo is an adorable word and quite suitable for describing the premarital conditions you mention.
Mary Killen
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