YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. Following our barbecue my wife and I received thank you notes from almost every one of our guests. The consequence is that if we are invited back by any of our friends we will feel morally bound to send similarly effusive notes, a custom I have always resisted on the grounds that there is as much pleasure in throwing a party as in attending one. Has one of the Victorian books on etiquette been reprinted? Should we reciprocate by writing to thank them for their appreciative notes? What can we do to prevent the revival of this anachronistic courtesy?
C.G. Dippenhall, Surrey 4. The writing of thank you notes has reached almost epidemic proportions in recent years and has arisen partially as a symptom of the so-called Brideshead Boom. Just as double-kissing is now prac- tised by people such as photocopy machine mechanics, so thank you notes have prolif- erated out of all proportion to the actual gratitude felt by the composers of the note. Sincere thank you notes are undoubtedly received with happiness by those who have made an enormous effort, or who perhaps have unbusy schedules. For anyone with
Dear Mary. . .
any sort of a social life, however, adherence to the practice of writing such notes could mean their writing anything up to 21 a week. Such people's lives are regularly made wretched by the guilt and embarrass- ment they feel over not having written such letters. Many would agree with you that the guest often goes to as much trouble as the host when attending a dinner party. How many people actually want to go out on a cold winter's night, risking arrest for drunk- enness, only to sit fully upright at a table being bright when they would rather be slumped on a sofa at home? One host of my acquaintance has dealt with the prob- lem thus. When his guests are departing he simply announces . . . 'Will you forgive me
if I don't write to thank you for coming — I never do. But it was so kind of you.' Good Lord, his guests reply, 'There's no need for you to write. I was going to drop you a line. It's been such a lovely evening.' Nonsense,' he says firmly. 'The guest goes to far more trouble than the host. It's up to the host to be grateful.' Thus disconcerted his guests will go away, but he can be sure that, should he pay a return visit, there will now be no question of his being expected to write a thank you note.
Q. I was interested to read your recent sug- gestion of a Nightingale musical instrument to give to a child who has everything. May I offer you a suggestion of my own? Bubble packaging — used for wrapping china and precious things which are to travel by post — can be bought in huge rolls — so big you have to fit them into the back of a Range Rover — from Ryman for £30. I always keep a roll and bring a 'length' tied with a pretty ribbon, when I am going to visit a house with a small child in it. The bursting process keeps them occupied for hours.
C.C. W8 A. Thank you for your amusing suggestion.
Previous page
