YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. . .
Q. Since my husband and I moved to India several years ago we have been receiving anonymous 'sex pest' telephone calls. Recently, the number of these calls has risen and they occur whenever my husband is away. As a result, we contacted the tele- phone company, who have used a tracking device to locate the numbers from where the calls are being made. Much to our sur- prise (and amusement) one of the numbers turned out to be that of the Indian head of a reputed English financial company; this man and his wife are close friends of ours. We have known of his 'peccadillo' for English girls for some time, regard him as harmless, and would wish to carry on seeing him, and particularly his wife, in the future. How would you suggest that we get our Indian friend to stop making these 'dirty' telephone calls without embarrassing him to the extent that we would never see him or his wife again?
Name withheld, India A. Your husband should confide in the Indian that, following years of nuisance 'sex pest' calls, you have learnt that technologi- cal advances have now made it possible for the telephone company to identify the cul- prit by using a tracking device. 'They are going to start surveillance tomorrow,' he should breathe with anticipation. 'Sadly they can't do it retrospectively, so we can only hope that the sex pest will ring again so we can trap him!'
Q. Recently my railway journey to work has been disturbed by the presence of an undesirable travelling companion. No matter where I sit, a typist from the office, who joins the train further down the line, seeks me out and insists on talking loudly all the way to town. Daily, I have the humiliation of the other passengers sup- posing that we are friends. Friends indeed with someone totally lacking in style, con- versation and charm! I cannot take anoth- er train and my fear is that wherever I secrete myself she will find me and I shall forever be unable to travel in peace. Can you suggest a deterrent?
C.N. Surrey A. Relief is easily at hand. Simply buy a Walkman and some cassettes. It should only take one or two journeys for the message to sink in that in future the jabbering will be met by you with silence as you settle back serenely, apparently oblivious to her attempts to communicate.
Q. I wonder if I am alone in frequently run- ning myself an excessively hot bath, getting into it, then having to jump out and wait around while I run more cold in. I feel a complete wally jumping about with no clothes on. How do you suggest I fill these pointless moments, Mary?
Name and address withheld.
A. Why not use them to practise the yogic facial exercise the lion? Place your hands on your knees, take a deep breath, exhale and stick your tongue out as far as possible. At the same time open both mouth and eyes wide, tensing the neck and throat. Retain this posture for a few seconds, then relax. Repeat until the water reaches the correct temperature.
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