How to be a minority
bigby C. Anderson Tom and Lydia have been trying to find out if they are a Minority. They are not °ne's traditional idea of the working class. They may be relatively poor (that is the joy of relativity — it keeps you guessing). But Thanks are almost certainly a Minority. I hanks to the efforts of a schoolmaster ap- propriately named Mr Gallant, I am a Member of the minority which has passed `0' level Maths, so I know what a minority is. I've also a shrewd idea that we of the °LMP minority are not one of the new Minorities: homosexuals, opera-goers, vegetarians and women and the like. Not all minorities are Minorities and some Minorities, such as women, are not Minorities. If we are daft enough to believe recent statistics, some Minorities which were minorities (such as homosexuals) soon Won't be. Indeed, their progress towards Majority simply makes them a more impor-
tant Minority.
Neither Mr Gallant nor a legion of maths Masters can help with these issues. To ask what is a Minority is not to ask about statistics, but to inquire what sort of group (" any size) is treated as a Minority, What do You have to be to receive a grant, draw statements of ongoing commitment from trendy clergymen and be used as a recruiting stepping-stone by Trotskyists? Some 'minorities', such as the disabled, are involuntary, though clearly there are so In„ My 'disabled' stickers about that only a foolish minority would attempt to park without one. Others, such as healthy
vegetarians, make a voluntary commit- ment. Yet others, such as homosexuals, are, shall we say, ambivalent. They were in- voluntary when they wanted oppressive legislation lifted and are now voluntary when they seek to proselytise. Minorities are in 'need'. But then we all are, even if we don't admit it. One Social Democrat recent- ly referred hopefully to 'as yet undiscovered minorities'. It is possible that Minorities become such by being oppressed by Ma- jorities which, of course, are even less likely to be majorities than the Minorities are minorities.
Sociological wisdom failing, I decided to ask around. A kind man at the GLC ex- plained that Minorities have to be 'viable groups' and that they should not already receive adequate aid from other agencies. Clearly a group has to have certain organisational characteristics, but that tells us little about what sort of viable groups are suitable for the benefits of Minority status. David Graham, from Channel 4's Alter- natives programme, sensibly remarked that Minorities were pressure groups, but which causes are to count? All of which brings me back to Tom and Lydia Wrighton.
The Wrightons are a minority, and have been now for some fifteen years. Their story starts when they set up home outside Hemel Hempstead soon after they were married. For some time both had been unhappy with normal patterns of eating which they saw as undisciplined and vulgar. Gradually, they came to the resolution that they should prepare and eat a six-course French or Italian dinner every evening at 8.30. Their commitment involved some dedication and effort after a hard day's work but they are prepared to accept such burdens. It is society's reaction to the Wrighton's chosen 'lifestyle' they find so difficult. They have not been to a theatre or cinema for fifteen years. The temporal- cultural hegemonic structure of current society not only makes no provision for families which dine at the proper time: it cuts them off. They and a few like-minded friends form a very viable group. They are a minority. They are in need. No existing aid is given. When do they get their grant? When will a resolution be passed in the General Synod for more elastic theatre times to help minorities? When will Trot- skyists see that the Wrightsons' struggle is based in the wider oppressive structures of late capitalism and invite them to an appropriate sub-committee — ending, of course, by 7.00 or starting after 10.30 pm?
Some receipients of grants are double minorities (for example, disabled gays). Tom and Lydia have friends like that. Harry and Rachel are not only serious 8.30 diners but Harry, in particular, likes music — Mozart. Harry doesn't like what he refers to as `working class music'. Unfor- tunately for Harry, 'working class music' pulsates from every juke box or seeps from every Muzak monster in every pub for miles around. Harry hasn't been able to enter a pub for four years and his polloiphobia is getting worse. He has to send Rachel out down the street fifty yards ahead to make sure there are no young people with large radios (aptly nicknamed Minority brief- cases) to be encountered. He is increasingly barred from airports and shopping malls. He is denied the succour of his local Mother Church which pointedly places a heavily syncopated 'Living Lord' as its first hymn. Harry and Rachel are now virtual recluses eking out an increasing private life punc- tuated by foie gras, Chambertin and two- party Michel guessing-games.
There is hope. Tom is planning to form a pressure group. He is already thinking like a future Minority leader — so much so that he is ready for the grant-makers award. If it is modest, he plans to denounce it as totally inadequate to combat the institutionalised cultural forces that oppress his friends. If it is large, he will object to whatever payee designation is used on the cheque as labell- ing and potentially stigmatising. Meanwhile he is working out the details of a protest which will start with dinner at the Gavroche and end outside the Opera with demands for a late performance (white tie), Harry is picketing the Red Lion with posters deman- ding compulsory headphones — 'NOW' I have warned them, of course, that they should not be over-confident. If they are not allowed to be a Minority now, they may well qualify for whatever succeeds Minorities when the autumn fashions ar- rive. Or again, they may be able to replace one of the existing causes when it slips out of its Minority status.
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