LETTERS Your rape or mine?
Sir: Auberon Waugh wrote about what he called the 'dangerous myth' of date rape (Another voice, 22 June). His article was misinformed, irresponsible and an insult to women who have been raped. For years now, America has acknowledged that date rape (rape by an acquaintance or boy- friend) exists. Britain, however, still adopts the ostrich position on this matter (head buried in the sand). Mr Waugh is an ostrich.
In March, Cosmopolitan ran a News Report on date rape. During our research, we found that there were no statistics available, an indication in itself of the general apathy about violence against women. We asked readers to write to us with their experiences of date rape. From the 300 letters we received, we can assure Mr Waugh that date rape is no myth. It's an all too real situation that possibly thousands of women have been confronted with. Today, almost four months after the feature first appeared, we are still receiving letters.
The majority of the women who replied had been raped between the ages of 15 and 19, by a 'boyfriend'. (It's important to note that we have a fairly young readership, from teens to throughout the twenties, hence the high percentage in the younger age group.) The man varied from someone they may have been dating for a few weeks to a partner in a long-term relationship. One woman had known her attacker for 30 years. Although each story was different, here is a fairly typical scenario. A young woman meets a man, and they start dating. One evening, they may go to a party and then back to his or her place. The man then rapes her; how it happens isn't relevant. What is relevant is that he assumes that because he's 'taken her out' for the even- ing, maybe they've had a few cuddles and kisses she somehow owes him something (i.e. sex). Of course the fact of the matter is, she owes him absolutely nothing at all.
Now many people will argue, Mr Waugh included, that she shouldn't have gone back to his place/invited him in/she was too naive/leading him on/what did she expect? But just when is it safe to believe a man? When is it safe to have an enjoyable, flirtatious evening and retain the right to say 'no'? A woman always has the right to say no to sex (as does a man). But if a man persists and forces a woman to have sex, he is a rapist — regardless of their relat- ionship. He could be her boyfriend of a week, a year or even her husband. She said no, he persisted and that is rape. Date rape isn't when a woman is cajoled, persuaded and finally agrees to sex. Date rape is when a firm `no' still counts for nothing. Date rape is when the woman has no choice in the matter.
Yet Auberon Waugh says that women have a 'hysterical fear' of rape. To suggest, as he does, that women are merely blowing the whole thing out of proportion is both an insult and incredibly naïve. The 300 women who wrote to Cosmopolitan know the awful reality.
Eleni Kyriacou
News Editor, Cosmopolitan, National Magazine House, 72 Broadwick Street, London. W1
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