Alas, poor Teddy!
Sir: I desire to apologise for the latest caper of our all-unAmerican boy, the little peripatetic United States politician who sails under the name of Teddie Kennedy. Poor little fellow! He won't do! He cannot drive down a straight road, give an intelligent alarm, tell the time of day, or remember what he said or did yesterday. He was a cheat and fraud in college and has been a super cheat and fraud in private and public life.
It is not unusual for this political lightweight to hie off to Alaska on behalf of the eating of oranges by Eskimos or to India in behalf of all who do not eat porterhouse steaks. He recently sent his eighty-year-old mother on an African tour so as to whip up interest in his behalf among the black votes in the US. A few days ago he lamented the fate of Cuba and of American soldiers In Vietnam, both of which he and his brothers caused. A few days before that he posed as an expert on the far East and middle East, and now is trying to run Ireland and the British Empire, after having recently spent less than a week on the continent of Europe, so as, in the usual American way, to become an expert in European affairs and on all European countries which, of course, he promptly did.
The pith of the matter is that the little man wants to be President of the US by exploiting the Catholic Church, promising the Blacks and all minorities whatever they want to hear, by doing the bidding of labour bosses, and by appealing to the young like a hippie, nippie, beatle or something of that ilk. Wherever this hero of Paris and Chappaquiddick goes, whether it be to the bathtub or to get a haircut, the little man is able to surround himself by a train of servants and a battery of scribes, radio announcers, television mouthpieces, sycophants and kleig lights. (Old father Joe Kennedy's money has been no handicap to this well-planned, tawdry business.) There is one thing that is certain, however. We would like to dress up this psychological weakling in lace knickers, give him an all-day sucker, and turn him over to you if we could or gladly send him to Ireland, Hanoi or Ethiopia: but since no one is willing to take him, we beg our British cousins not to be too hard on this champion athlete of the State of Massachusetts in swimming and boating, for there is insanity in the Kennedy family. Moreover, this world expert who hallucinates so often and so much, seems to like to play American politics with the lives of Irish and American boys. Up until recently Ed Kennedy was on probation in an American court on account of one of his nocturnal activities, and we must deal kindly and mercifully with him, as did the court, and in the absence of a competent psychiatric examination and finding, we beg of you, therefore, to let us apologize for the fatuity, megalomania and pusillanimity of this am ant and arrogant brat.
A. R. Stout Waxachie. Texas
Previous page
