Another voice
The Road to Barnstaple
Auberon Waugh
General elections are times when political commentators are well advised to keep what is called a low profile. Passions run high. Conservatives, in particular, are infuriated by any suggestion that it might not be a clever or useful thing to vote Conservative. Anyone who says he has no intention of voting will induce general apoplexy. I had thought to entitle this piece 'Reasons for not voting Liberal' as the least annoying way of getting round the subject, but events have overtaken me. Smarting from the taunts of Mr Levin that my political inactivity is due to laziness rather than principled conviction, I have decided to stand as a candidate. I feel I owe Spectator readers, if nobody else, an explanation why it seems to me that the only responsible posture for a concerned citizen in this general election is to stand as a Dog Lover in the North Devon constituency of Mr Jeremy Thorpe.
The problem which all voters face is that they have got to vote for somebody. If we used the Athenian system of ostracism there would be no problem: the socialists have destroyed our prosperity, our tranquillity, our social order and our education and threaten to destroy our political freedom. We are now witnessing the breakdown of Order which inevitably follows the collapse of Degree. The middle classes see their children beaten up in state schools if they do not speak with proletarian voices — and must nervously await the imposition of a New Proletarian Order, when union oligarchs and their henchmen will rule. If anybody could vote to stop or delay this ghastly historical convulsion, the election would have some purpose, but it is my believe that a Conservative government will have neither the resolution nor the resources to defeat the industrial powers of the unions, let alone combat the industrial indiscipline which threatens even the power of the unions. Both are the direct result of the breakdown of Order. Even if Mrs Thatcher, Mr Prior and the rest of them can summon the resolution to restore social and industrial discipline, I do not think that they will have the backing of the police, the courts or society at large, and they will fail in the attempt.
The only sensible reason for voting Conservative is the promise of a little temporary relief from crippling and punitive taxation, which might allow some of us to buy a new pair of shoes after paying the school fees, but I think that is an irresponsible and short-sighted view to take. My dear wife feels strongly that she is not prepared to vote for a party which may reintroduce hanging and leave her with all subsequent hangings on her conscience, which is a point of view I respect and sympathise with, while recognising it as symptomatic of our national malaise that the middle and upper classes have lost their nerve in this respect. In my own case, I also resent the idea that having given them permission to hang people one will have no further say over who should be hanged.
Finally, as I suggested last week, it is not only chivalrous instinct which is affronted by the exploitation of womanhood, although I feel it shameful and humiliating to see a woman exposed in this way for us all to laugh at and deride. As the first female candidate for Prime Minister in the history of our democracy, Mrs Thatcher offers herself as a living symbol of Degree untuned, Nature perverted, Order denied. Who wants to meet in mere oppugnancy?
And appetite, an universal wolf So doubly seconded with will and power Must make perforce an universal prey And last eat up itself So much for the Conservatives. There are many reasons for not voting Liberal — one may not particularly like or admire them or think their policies smart or clever — but I have stronger objections than these. While the issue of Mr Thorpe's trial was undecided, I refrained from comment. This was partly out of deference to the legal process, partly because, as someone who proposes to follow the trial in person, I had a personal interest. My plans were to be in London on 30 April and stay throughout, thereby providing myself with a further reason for not being able to vote in the general election. Under the circumstances, comment seemed inappropriate.
However, when it became known that the Lord Chief Justice of England had agreed to a deferment of the trial to suit Mr Thorpe's convenience — in defiance of all legal precedent and in face of objections from two of Mr Thorpe's co-defendants — it seemed that something more than comment was called for. That decision by the Lord Chief Justice, who is the embodiment of the Law, itself the only guarantee of Order and social tranquillity, set me on the Road to Barnstaple.
One has no reason to doubt that it would have been most inconvenient for Mr Thorpe to have stood trial on 30 April, but one must also point out that the crimes of which he is accused are extremely serious ones, such as should bring him into the cordial dislike of all right-minded people, if he is guilty. If he should prove not guilty, of course, the non-deferment of his trial would have added to his misfortunes, already of such a magnitude that one can think only of the consolations of religion as a possible balm. But the risk of being wrongfully accused of a serious crime is one of the prices we must all accept for living in an ordered society, and it seems to me a gross miscarriage of justice, itself a crime against Order, that Mr Thorpe should be treated differently from any other alleged felon. That, as I say, was what put me on the Road to Barnstaple. What confirmed me on it were the alacrity and enthusiasm with which North Devon Liberals endorsed Mr Thorpe as candidate. Like the Liberal delegates who gave him a standing ovation at Southport last year these cheering Liberals of North Devon seemed not simply to be reaffirming the principle of English law that a man is innocent until proved guilty. Another principle of English law is that a man's reputation suffers among rightminded people if he is 'publicly accused of disgraceful behaviour. What the Liberals in Southport and North Devon were demonstrating, as I see it, was that they were not right-minded people, that even if Thorpe should prove guilty he can count on their loyalty and support. If I am right, people might conclude that large sections of the Liberal Party have gone mad. I prefer to see their behaviour as bad and meriting punishment. Voters in North Devon — especially Liberal voters — should be given a chance to register their unease.
The choice of Dog Lovers' Party may seem opportunistic. Another objection to my candidature has been that it is hitting a man when he is down, although my chief reason for standing is that Mr Thorpe is not down: if he were, I would not stand. By the same logic, he should be unopposed at this election. If it is argued that the other candidates are standing on serious political issues like the national economy, I replY that no issue is more serious that the one on which I am standing, which concerns the moral climate of the country. There is much to be said in favour of doggies. I have observed a hatred of doggies growing up in this country, especially among town-dwellers, which has unmistakable echoes of Weimar. Of course doggies will shit on the pavement if local government does not provide them with doggie toilets. So would anybody who had nowhere else. Doggies are being used as a scapegoat for the collapse of our society brought about by the loss of Empire. During the Weimar Republic and after, many university professors remained silent. Well, I am standing up to be counted. My expenses and deposit are being paid by Lord Gnome. The campaign manager is Mr. R. Ingrams, who can be reached in office hours at 34 Greek Street, W1 (01437 4017). I am off to Rome and Naples until 18 April, by which time he hopes to have organised sponsors and an election agent. All offers of help from within the constituency—canvassers, envelope addressers, sponsors etc.— should be sent to him as soon as possible. If there are insufficient sponsors, I shall thankfully conclude that North Devon is indeed damned with the rest of this spineless, unprincipled country.
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