Q. I am a divorced woman of middle age and
a member of a small community. X, a woman of my age who has recently divorced, has seized on me as her best friend, though we have little in common. Out of kindness I invited her to stay for a long weekend and, as a result, she has decided to buy a house or flat as near to me as possible. (She has noticed that our little community is quite 'social'!) However, it is with some difficulty that I have carved a niche for myself there. If another middle-aged divorced woman arrives expecting me to be her entrée to a `fun' social life, I will stop being invited myself. One single middle-aged woman is OK; two are definitely not. What shall I do, Mary?
Name and address withheld
A. Since you and this woman share the same goal, you need have no qualms in addressing the issue like two generals drawing up a battle-plan. Talking — in excited rather than accusing tones — expound to her the Theory of Social Relativity. This is that, where social opportunities need to be maximised in an area of limited potential growth, an outreach project must come into play. You should plot together to identify another rural pocket with a 'vacancy' for a divorcee where she can carve out her own niche. In counties
like Sussex or Wiltshire a completely new cast of characters can usually be located within a half-hour drive, although in Scotland it will be more like one and a half hours. Her own scenario having been set up, you can horn into it as new blood on a regular basis, and vice versa. In this way, the two of you can double the numbers of your invitations rather than halve them.
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