YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.. .
Q. Another door-opening problem. After exiting from the elevator to my office, one is almost immediately confronted by a large and heavy glass door. When leaving the ele- vator in the company of a woman, my choices seem to be: (1) politely allow the lady to leave the elevator first and then rudely watch her struggle with the door, or (2) rudely leave the elevator first and politely open the door for both of us. The office corridor is too narrow for me to con- trive in a dignified manner to 'overtake' her between the elevator and the door. As I'm going to appear rude whichever approach I take, what should I do or say to mitigate my offence?
A.F.P.V, Lansdale, Pennsylvania A. The dull answer is that you must politely allow the lady to leave the lift first, then bustle immediately behind her in the run- up to the heavy door saying 'Allow me', with your hand stretching forward. In this way you need only use an economical two words as contrasted with the 16 or so neces- sary were you to address the problem in the lift by saying, get out first so I can tack- le the heavy door coming up almost straight away.'
Q. What is the correct attitude to adopt, or remark to make, when entering for the first time the office of a relatively unfamiliar senior colleague who displays a nude pho- tograph of his wife on the wall and who, from his demeanour, clearly expects visitors to pass comment?
C.M.D., Leicester A. Respond by saying, 'Gosh, photography really is an art form. I'd love to see what Gainsborough would have done with a camera and a nude.' This oblique refer- ence to artistic flattery, which could never be construed as anything other than a gaffe on your part, will serve to unsettle your senior colleague and punish him for his vulgarity.
Q. Help! I am either out of date or ignorant about the social acceptability of gum-chew- ing. I had thought it to be on a par with farting and belching, or at least nose-pick- ing, but was recently referred privately to a senior physician who chewed steadily throughout my consultation. This, together with my inability to make a dignified protest, rendered the whole experience expensive and fruitless. What should I have done, Mary? And what are the ground rules here?
Name and address withheld A. Gum-chewing in public is never accept- able, since the very nature of gum requires the chewer to eat it with his mouth open, thus breaking one of the cardinal rules of etiquette. The spectacle you witnessed would therefore have quite understandably undermined your confidence in the doctor in question. One way of bringing him up sharp might have been to inquire, 'You are obviously chewing nicotine replacement gum. May I ask, do you recommend it? I have a friend who's a heavy smoker and I could tell her that my doctor found it helped him to give up.' When he replied, `What makes you think it's nicotine replacement gum?' you could have chuck- led pleasantly, 'Oh, you can't fool me. Well, I know it's supposed to be socially unacceptable for anyone to chew gum in public, let alone a distinguished doctor in a private practice, so I've put two and two together — you must be doing it for medi- cal reasons.'
Mary Killen
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