Television
Wish I weren't here
James Delingpole It was a toss-up this week between doing cartoons and travel. The former seemed a quite sexy, topical idea because the ineffa- bly wondrous The Simpsons (BBC 1, Satur- day) has just moved on to terrestrial television; there's a new animated series that everyone's raving about called Pond Life (Channel 4, weekdays); and it would have enabled mc to slip in a few words of praise for Beavis and Butthead, even though it's not on at the moment (except on MTV, but I don't have a satellite dish).
I decided against, though, because I find it difficult to write interestingly about tele- vision programmes I really like. Could I really convey to Spectator readers the sub- tlety and wit of a series featuring two, badly drawn, middle-American adolescents who do little but fart, pick their noses, gawp at rock videos, abuse small animals and go 'Heh ! Heh! fleh! Old people such!' or `GWAR? They rule!'? And would anyone believe me if I said that a yellow, spiky- headed cartoon character whose best- known phrase is 'Don't have a cow, man!' afforded the most incisive critique of American family values since Married With Children? Probably not. Much better, I thought, to put the boot into a genre I loathe. I could have a dig at that scarily bland woman with electric blue eyes and shiny teeth who presents the BBC's travel equivalent of Food and Drink. I could sneer at the grungy, worthy student types who slum their way across South America on Lonely Planet (Channel 4, Wednesday, Friday); and retch over the awesome hideousness of that plebs-abroad nightmare The Real Holiday Show (Chan- nel 4, Monday). And I could ask, 'What is the point of Jill Dando?' But I was to be frustrated at almost every point. The programme with Miss Electric Blue isn't on any more. And I was denied Channel 4's offerings because someone in the press office cocked up and forgot to send round the videos. All I could obtain was a fortnight-old edition of Holiday (BBC 1) and a half-finished copy of Holi- day Special: Fasten Your Seatbelt (BBC 1, Tuesday).
Actually, though, the Holiday episode usefully exemplified most of the things that are wrong with television travel journalism — overweening cosiness, economy with the actualite, annoying use of cliché and alliter- ation, and undue reliance on vox pop. ■ It was a toss-up this week between doing cartoons and travel. The former seemed a quite sexy, topical idea because the ineffa- bly wondrous The Simpsons (BBC 1, Satur- day) has just moved on to terrestrial television; there's a new animated series that everyone's raving about called Pond Life (Channel 4, weekdays); and it would have enabled me to slip in a few words of praise for Beavis and Butthead, even though it's not on at the moment (except on MTV, but I don't have a satellite dish).
I decided against, though, because I find it difficult to write interestingly about tele- vision programmes I really like. Could I really convey to Spectator readers the sub- tlety and wit of a series featuring two, badly drawn, middle-American adolescents who do little but fart, pick their noses, gawp at rock videos, abuse small animals and go 'Heh! Heh! Heh! Old people such!' or `GWAR? They rule!'? And would anyone believe me if I said that a yellow, spiky- headed cartoon character whose best- known phrase is 'Don't have a cow, man!' afforded the most incisive critique of American family values since Married With Children? Probably not.
Much better, I thought, to put the boot into a genre I loathe. I could have a dig at that scarily bland woman with electric blue eyes and shiny teeth who presents the BBC's travel equivalent of Food and Drink. I could sneer at the grungy, worthy student types who slum their way across South America on Lonely Planet (Channel 4, Wednesday, Friday); and retch over the awesome hideousness of that plebs-abroad nightmare The Real Holiday Show (Chan- nel 4, Monday). And I could ask, 'What is the point of Jill Dando?'
But I was to be frustrated at almost every point. The programme with Miss Electric Blue isn't on any more. And I was denied Channel 4's offerings because someone in the press office cocked up and forgot to send round the videos. All I could obtain was a fortnight-old edition of Holiday (BBC 1) and a half-finished copy of Holi- day Special: Fasten Your Seatbelt (BBC 1, Tuesday).
Actually, though, the Holiday episode usefully exemplified most of the things that are wrong with television travel journalism — overweening cosiness, economy with the actuante, annoying use of cliché and alliter- ation, and undue reliance on vox pop.
The latter is one of the genre's more irk- some trends. I suppose some bright pro- ducerial spark must have decided that this would help make travel programmes more accessible. 'Never mind those journalists with their long, fancy words — what do real holidaymakers think?' But does anyone really give a damn what, say, a couple of old dears from Burnley who've probably never ventured south of Dover more than a couple of times in their lives make of Ital- ian culture? (Oh, dear. Suppose someone must. Why else would The Real Holiday Show exist?) Main topic this time round was Sorrento. I gather the resort is hell on earth — swarming with Brits, filthy sea — hut the
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