YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.. .
Q. I have a friend who likes to hedge his bets with regard to social life, preferring never to commit himself for fear of missing out on a better invitation. Although he clearly enjoys spending time with me and my brother, we can never look forward to seeing him as he leaves his answerphone on at all times, only ringing at the last moment to say whether he will or will not be joining us and pretending that he has only just got the message. However, he always sticks to his word once one can actually get through to him, so please advise me how I could best inveigle him into picking up his phone as I am currently trying to organise a whole weekend around him.
Name withheld, SW7 A. Pop briefly into the house of a friend with whom the bet-hedger is not acquaint- ed and get this friend to ring him at a time when you know he will be in and fielding messages. When the answerphone comes on he should simply say, 'Oh no, it's a disas- ter, he's going to miss it, he's not in . . . then hang up. Curiosity will get the better of your friend. No doubt he will dial 1471 in order to identify his last caller and will be driven to ring the unfamiliar number to find out who or what he is in danger of missing. When the phone goes moments later, therefore, you can pick it up with con- fidence and deliver your cheery greeting: `Hello, Hugo. Now about that weekend . .
Q. I have read in my local paper that the Bishop of Sherbome is chaplain to an organisation called the Guild of Nineteen Lubricators. I, and many others, are now very keen to fmd out what, in heaven's name, is the Guild of Nineteen Lubricators, and why, for example, there are not 15 or 37 lubricators? The trouble is I find it impossible to ask anybody about this with- out cracking up. What do you suggest?
TM.T, Sutton Mandeville, Wilts A. I have dealt with your childish query by going directly to the Bishop, the Rt Revd K.D.G. Kirkham. As I thought, the expla- nation is quite straightforward. The Bishop informed me postally:
My secretary tells me that you telephoned to enquire about the Guild of the Nineteen Lubricators for whom I am honorary Chap- lain.
The Guild was started in the 1930s during the Depression to help fellow oil workers (lubricators) who were in difficulties. They now come from all walks of life and raise a considerable amount of money each year for charitable purposes, especially to help the young, the old and the disabled. For the past 18 years they have financed a Northern Ire- land children's holiday here in Dorset for Catholic and Protestant children. They are a group of friends who meet together socially four times a year and plan events for the raising of this charitable money. I have been associated with them now for twenty-five years and one of my duties is to arrange the Annual Feast Day Service in London at Christmas time.
I hope that your curiosity is now satisfied.
Mary Killen
Previous page
