Q. Although I am myself peculiarly averse to barbecues, my
newly wed young wife and her young friends enjoy these culinary experiments. At this time of year, I find my patience more than usually tried by the prevalence of wasps in our garden. These menaces which sting the tongues of toddlers are naturally drawn to the barbecue table. How can I retain my composure during these deeply unenjoyable events?
A. Why not transfer your anxiety on to the young parents present by volunteering to entertain their children on a mission of wasp patrol? As the wasps land on the table, trap them one at a time in a screwtop jamjar lined with a quarter of an inch of flour. Replace the lid of the jar and
shake it around until the wasp is fully coated. When it is let go you can lead the children in following its bullet-like progress back to its nest. In this way you can duck out of cooking or handing round, at the same time as channelling your aggression into the useful activity of locating the nests so they can be destroyed by a council extermination team. It is likely that you will simultaneously succeed in reducing your wife's enthusiasm for barbecues, particularly if you point out that you have at the ready a sharp knife and empty ballpoint pen-filler in order to perform an emergency tracheotomy should any toddler be stung in the buccal area.
E.D.G., Cornwall
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