R 0 tiR

'HIGHLAND MALT

COMPETITION

Rhyme royal

Jaspistos

n Competition No. 1740 you were in- vited to imagine that one of our queens was a secret poet and to provide a poem by her about or to her husband.

Two of you startled me by offering, in translation of course, a spirited piece by Boadicea addressed to her husband, who I now know was called Prasutagus. W. F. N. Watson amused me with a vigorous mish- mash of German and English by Anne of Cleves, and so did Monica G. Ribon with a poem to Philip by the present Queen 'in what she sees as her Poet Laureate's style'. Mary Holtby offered a neat acrostic by Elizabeth I, assuming she secretly married the Earl of Leicester. Among the many affectionate tributes to Albert, John Sweetman's early morning picture stood out:

My woman's heart can scarce be still; I tremble as you stand

To shave, with such consummate skill, Your razor in your hand.

The prizewinners, printed below, collect £20 each, and the bonus bottle of Aberlour

Single Malt whisky goes to Roger Jeffreys.

William 111's Mary I know not what my Sire, the Second James, . Meant when he once betroth'd us; it were well The Scheldt should flow concurrent with the Thames, And all go merry with the Wedding-bell.

Merry it went not: tediously the Hours

Pass'd by in Whitehall, or in Windsor-Park; Your Friends were none of mine, nor mine of

yours; Nor struck the Goddess any generous Spark.

Together we have been for Seventeen Years; Meseems, My Lord, 'tis Seventeen Years too much;

The Blast that calls me from this Vale of Tears Shall free me from King William, known as Dutch. (Roger Jeffreys) Henry V's Catherine My soldier husband is awaye, It is a cheerless time — To pass the houres of the daye I lerne myself to rime.

To spel this langage I must go As to a gessing game — N'importe. Among the English, no Two peeple spel the same.

My husband will, when he reterne, My hand and fingers kiss — Those words, with others, I did lerne When I was jeune princesse.

And 0 did shock me, foot and gown — They, spoken to French ear,

Seemed like. . I dare not ryte them down Lest God should send tonnerre.

(Stanley Shaw) Henry VIII's Catherine Parr Bereft by Death, twice widowed in my youth, I lived in singleness, yet not alone. Young Thomas Seymour loved me well in sooth — To love him not implied a heart of stone! But Fate willed otherwise. My country sought A bride to succour Henry in his age; A nurse's loving-kindness was their thought, One skilled his angers better to assuage — From the first Catherine's prince removed far, With ulcered limbs, and grossly corpulent.

Yet, things abhorr'd in beggars surely are More seemly when with wealth and kingship blent.

So, when, by pulley-hoist, he came to bed, I thought of Tom, but never lost my head.

(0. Banfield) George V's Mary My sailor prince, the Princess May Has sailed with you through life, Then let me tell in lubber's lay How I became your wife.

When thrown together as we mourned Our dear lamented Clarence, The hand in mine, it on me dawned, Would be the heir-apparent's.

I very quickly formed the view — As did your dear, dear mother — That with advantage you might woo Me, though I'd loved another.

You did, and saw the Princess May Securely berthed alongside; And neither of us now will say We tied up on the wrong side.

(David Heaton) Albert's Victoria

With his teeth so delightfully pearly, And his chest full of medals a-gleam, And his side-whiskers manly but curly,

Oh, Albert's the Prince of Our Dream!

He's too dignified ever for quarrels, And his patience resists ev'ry try. . .

So lofty his brow! — and his morals!

(And his German, to match them, so High!)

How he dances! And rides like a Centaur!

And his past is as pure as the snows — So shy he was when he was sent for, So modest! One had to propose!

But sometimes — but sometimes, One wonders:

When he lights up his green 'student' lamp And checks all the books for One's blunders. . .

Well — perhaps — if— oh, more of a scamp?

(Alyson Nikiteas)

No. 1743: Astrolatry

You are invited to write a poem (maximum 16 lines) in salute to a favourite film actor or actress, major or minor, who appeared in black-and-white films. Entries to 'Com- petition No. 1743' by Thursday, 27 August.