Westminster Corridors
There are such wild inconsistencies in the thoughts of a man in love that there really should be no reason for allowing him more liberty than others because he is possessed with a frenzy. So inconsistent has been our beloved Prime Minister of late that many of us at the Club concluded that Cupid had made another deadly thrust. It was only when my friend. Sir Jocelyn Gaybrace, observed that Mr Harold Wilson was, should he say, more than somewhat malevolent that we found cause for wonderment and further diagnosis.
All of us were much amazed by a recent broadcast of Mr Wilson upon something called Steam Radio. This apparently intelligent man who was, my readers will recall, formerly a don in Oxenford, babbled on about pandas in the Zoological Gardens at Whipsnade. He intimat ed that he and Mrs Wilson would be delighted to have the lovable creatures to tea at Ten Downing Street, the only caveat being that he did not wish to include in the invite one Mr Edward Heath, who was their keeper.
Knowing that you will find this scarcely credible, I now quote verbatim some of Mr Wilson's remarks: "I think that Mr Heath has got involved in the Sino-Russian clash. . . . It is right to know about it. I think he is bringing back a couple of pandas. I very much welcome that." It was then that he went on to mention the tea party and referred to an abortive love affair (whether his or theirs I know not) with An-An and Chi-Chi (two other pandas who supported his Party) during the 1966 Election.
"We welcome any hopes there may be of their future fertility," he went on in the broadcast, "I have not yet heard what sex they both are actually or what approaches they have to the normal processes of procreation with which we are familiar in this country."
Well I ask you, is that the sort of way the Prime Minister of a Great Nation should talk?
Sir Jocelyn, who is somewhat prudish, was deeply shocked and called for Mr Wilson's immediate impeachment.
.More, I might say, was vet to come. Referring to Mr Heath and his colleagues as "vacuous," Mr Wilson declared that the Tory front. bench was the worst in history. As for vacuity, someone really should have held a mirror in front of the Prime Minister during his questions in the Club this week.
Mr Wilson went on to protest that the whole Shadow Cabinet had "gone off, gone to boardrooms, every one." Seeking further to define 'every one,' he added that both Mr Anthony Barber (who wants to be a banker) and Sir Alec Douglas-Home (who is very old) have declared their intention of not standing at the next Election.
As Sir Alec said, when I nudged him from a lengthy post-prandial slumber in the Smoking Room, "If Mr Attlee [he always gets Mr Wil son's name wrong] thinks we are in such disarray, why does he not call an Election now and catch us all in our boardrooms? Tell me that." In faith, Sir Alec has a point. But of course Mr Wilson will not tell him that, for his own front bench is in even greater disarray.
There is the problem of Mr Secretary Callaghan (who never once set foot in the boardroom of Julian Hodge Ltd) and the Common Market. Though to be fair, too much is being made of his apparent volte-face before the Council of Ministers in Luxembourg.
The commentators claim that the speech last week was the exact opposite of the one Mr Callaghan made two months ago. They seem to forget that the first speech was made on April Fools Day. But to return to inconsistencies of thought. During the aforementioned broadcast, Mr Wil son insisted that the intention of the Ruffian leadership had always been the same; especially on Europe. Every one of them was agreed and the policy was consistent. Every one of them, Mr Wilson? How about Mr Secretary Jenkins, Mr Secretary Mason, Mrs Secretary Williams (Shirley, that is, not the Duchess) and Mr Commissioner Thomson — to name but sixty-nine,?
Tom Puzzle
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