Home life
Designs on the young
Alice Thomas Ellis
Iwonder what this means: 'The Owner will at the request and expense of the Purchaser execute all such further instru- ments as the Purchaser may require for the purpose of confirming the Purchaser's title to. . . .' It's in English, I suppose, but I don't understand a word of it. Ever since the post returned I have received only nasty boring mail couched in terms I cannot comprehend. I inadvertently over- paid the taxman some months ago and have just heard that he might hand back the money I 'allegedly' gave him when he has looked into the details. What does he mean 'allegedly'? How insulting.
The most annoying communication of all is an appeal from a school to which the daughter briefly went until we realised she'd be better off in the monkey-house in the zoo. This school has a great reputation, so I think we may have chanced upon it in a bad moment. At all events the teachers we encountered distinguished themselves by recommending some American porn for teenagers as further reading for the child, and refusing to discuss the little matter of 'Security can't be all that tight.' the girl with the knife because she was in another form. She came — they said loftily — from a deprived background and further they would not go. If — they said — we were not satisfied perhaps we would care to try another educational establishment. So we did and it's perfectly fine: no Mac the Knife and no nymphets and no appeals for half your kingdom.
The previous school is seeking to extend its facilities for Music, Fine Arts, Textiles, Design and Technology. Whatever hap- pened to reading, writing and arithmetic? These tiresome subjects were conspicuous by their absence in our short acquaintance with the place and while I would not give a penny to it even in the interests of educa- tion I certainly am not going to fund their designs and technology, which in my opin- ion would be better served in an Institute of Higher Education to which the young should go, having mastered the basic skills.
I recently bought a book published in the Twenties called Handicraft in the School, which treats these matters as peripheral rather than central, suggesting, for exam- ple, that radiation should be studied, being `such a universal law of nature. All lines should be made to fine off at their points to emphasise their exhaustion.' Then to Greek vases, Venetian glass and the sub- ject of compound curves. 'Shell forms supply many beautiful shapes, and soft felt hats, Panama hats, girls' or ladies' hats, oilskin hats, umbrellas (open and shut), birds' feathers, and things of that descrip- tion indicate other suitable forms.' At this point I wondered whether all teachers have always been slightly crazy but reminded myself that handicraft was usually confined to Friday afternoons when the nitty-gritty of the week's work was left behind, and all that in those days was required of parents was the loan of their Greek vases, hats, umbrellas and any old feathers they might chance to have lying around. The kiddies would leave school more or less literate and fitted for employment. Then in the evenings they could draw ladies' hats for relaxation. Which is as it should be. If everyone is encouraged to take up music, design and fine arts as a way of life, who's going to man the trains? I asked the daughter if she was taught to cook or fill out forms — never mind maths and Shakespeare etc. — and she says she can't remember. I rest my case.
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