High life
Burdening the shoulder
Taki
If any of you are contemplating shoulder surgery, don't. I've had my share of opera- tions in my lifetime, as well as two broken legs, both arms, serious concussion, but nothing prepared me for what I'm going through now. Last Thursday I was wheeled into the operating room at Lenox Hill more about Big Bagel hospitals later ready for a one-and-a-half hour operation to repair torn ligaments in my right shoul- der. Three-and-a-half hours later, I was still under the knife and the mother of my chil- dren got worried. When I finally emerged, it seems I had not only aged a decade, I had also shrunk. 'It was worse than the for- mer Yugoslavia,' was the way the good Dr Xethalis put it. He had to shave a lot off the bone, insert four pins, and tie up count- less ligaments. He assured the MOMC that in 9 months I'd be as good as new — if I did my exercises every day, that is.
When I came to, I immediately wished I hadn't. The pain was severe and all the morphine which was liberally administered did not help. Then I began throwing up, followed by extreme sweating, shivers, more pain, some more throwing up and, well, you get the picture. It got worse dur- ing the night and the pain, although dimin- ished, has been my faithful companion ever since. I now sleep sitting up, like a member of the House of Lords, and curse the day I had to test my bottle and ski like a jerk while blind as a bat. (I wish to thank two friends and loyal Speccie readers, Lord Suffolk and Don Daniel, for their transat- lantic calls and wishes. Both have had more operations than I've had women, and know all about America's trendiest four letter word at the moment, pain.) The 64,000 dollar question is, of course, was all this necessary, especially as I now feel worse than before? The answer is yes, I'm afraid, because had I refused the scalpel, I would have been reduced to throwing low blows for the rest of the rounds remaining. The right arm would not go higher than below the waist, which might suit most Greek politicians, but not a direct descendant of Leonidas of Sparta. But I do wish the operation on Hillary and Bill Clinton, Andreas Papandreou, Slob Milosevich and every son-of-a-bitch in the ANC. Oh yes, I almost forgot, and to most American women of the feminist persua- sion.
And speaking of this sub-species, in Lenox Hill, 99 per cent of the nurses belonged to ethnic minorities, which meant many were stupid, rude, crude beyond belief, and, needless to say, incompetent. Even private and extremely expensive hos- pitals (500 greenbacks per night with food, nursing care and everything else extra) like Lenox Hill are forced to hire only minori- ties because the city council 'advises', i.e. orders them to do so. As if this wasn't enough, just wait for Hillary's bolshie plan.
Mind you, American liberals are not worried about losing their freedoms to PC, but are losing sleep over the six whacks Michael Fay is supposed to receive on his buttocks in the very near future in Singa- pore. Fay is the 18-year-old sentenced to be flogged for vandalism. Honest Bill Clin- ton has appealed for mercy, as has the Big Bagel Times, who has branded Singapore a dictatorship, and has asked General Motors, Eastman Kodak, Dow Chemical and Texas Instruments for a Singapore boycott if the oik gets flogged. The Times has also published the telephone number of the Singapore embassy, asking readers to flood it with protest calls. It's par for the course.
Here is a nation drowning in drugs and crime, with children murdering their par- ents for money and juries unwilling to con- vict because of 'root causes' — and the Bagel Times wants a boycott of the paradise that's Singapore. Black and Hispanic gangs are running wild in the cities, and Honest Bill Clinton worries about six whacks on a vandal's arse. I say give him 60, not six, and then deport the slob. In his place will come lots of upper class Englishmen hoping for a bit of caning.
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