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COMPETITION

Unspoken and unthought

Jaspistos

IN COMPETITION NO. 1911 you were invited to supply a list of things which everybody thinks and nobody says, and things which everybody says and nobody thinks. I lifted this competition from a February 1954 Spectator. Peter Hadley, who scooped a quid then, is still, happily, winning prize money today. I noted no degeneration of wit; in fact you surpassed the school of '54, even though none of you quite matched Granville Garley's spoken but not thought address to a large strange dog: 'Good boy!' Five pounds per item go to the prizewin- ners, printed below, and the bonus bottle of Isle of Jura Single Malt Scotch whisky belongs to W. J. Webster, who supplied more good 'uns than anyone else. A happy Christmas to you all.

Evetybody thinks and nobody says I won't be like that when I'm old.

The things I don't know about are less important than the things I do. (W.J. Webster)

Shakespeare's clowns are desperately unfunny.

(Watson Weeks) I'm the one your promotion depends on — and you give us Albanian sherry. (Denis Young) The effect of multi-faith education is to convince children that all faiths are equally unimportant. (Tim Hopkins)

You're here because for some crazy reason we always return hospitality.

What is the point of climbing mountains? (Bill Greenwell) I wonder if you know that I think we both sus- pect neither of us has read beyond page 50 of (Paul Griffin)

the novels we have been recommending to each other tier the Iasi hour. (R.I. Wells) You don't come here often, do you? (Alyson Nikiteas) In ten years' time life for all races in South Africa will he worse than under apartheid. (Philip Skelsey) No, it is not my turn to buy a round. (Alanna Blake) You're still in third and the handbrake's on.

(Paul Wigmore) Everybody says and nobody thinks His contribution will never be forgotten.

I don't care who my daughter marries as long as she's happy. (W.J. Webster) Darling, you were marvellous. (Richard Blomfield) Don't give it a thought, I've wanted to replace it for years. (David Barton) If you don't behave yourself you'll go to bed without any supper. (Denis Young) I always welcome constructive criticism.

(Watson Weeks) No, of course it's no laughing matter.

(Paul Wigmore) Now I've started, I quite like bran cereals.

(Chris Tingley) We must have lunch. (Philip Skelsey) We just have it on for Grand-dad. (Alyson Nikiteas) I may be losing a daughter today but I'm gaining

a son. (R.I. Wells)

Competition entries

To enable competitors to economise on postage, entries for one or more weeks of the competition and/or crossword may be posted together under one cover addressed 'Competition Entries' provided each entry is enclosed in a separate marked envelope.

It's all in the mind. (Basil Ransome-Davies)

No. 1914: Christmas task

You are invited to provide a translation in verse of Rimbaud's poem 'Au Cabaret- Vert', printed below. Entries to 'Competi- tion No. 1914' by 4 January.

Depuis huit jours, j'avais dechire mes bottines Aux cailloux des chemins. J'entrais a Charleroi. -Au Cabaret-Vert: je demandai des tartines De beurre et du jambon qui flit a moitie froid.

Bienheureux, j'allongeai les jambes sous la table Verte: je contemplai les sujets tres naffs De la tapisserie.-Et ce fut adorable Quand la fille aux tetons enormes, aux yeux vifs, -Celle-la, ce n'est pas un baiser qui l'epeure!- Rieuse, m'apporta des tartines de beurre, Du jambon tiede, dans un plat colorie, Du jambon rose et blanc parfume d'une gousse D'ail,-et m'emplit la chope immense, avec sa

mousse

Que dorait un rayon de soleil arriere.