YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary
Once again Mary has invited some of her favourite achievers to submit personal queries for her attention.
From Lord Marland Q. There are two restaurants in London which I go to very regularly. I have known the staff in both of these for a long time and they always greet me by name. ‘Yes, Mr Marland. No, Mr Marland. Three bags full, Mr Marland.’ They haven’t cottoned on to the fact that I am no longer Mister. I am not seeking to be snooty or to appear to be correcting them but how can I gracefully convey — purely for the purposes of accuracy and to put a stop to the quips from friends who are dining with me — that I am no longer Mister Marland?
A. There is nothing for it but to treat your elder son to some dinners with his friends. In this way your secretary can make convoluted calls to the restaurants in question booking two Marland tables for the same time on the same evening, repeating ad nauseam, ‘That’s one table for Lord Marland and one for his son, Mr Marland.’ (The title hon. should not be used except on an envelope.) Since your son is a near perfect physical replica of yourself, the waiters’ heads will twirl in confusion. This will sharpen their wits. It will then be up to your son to set the record straight, introducing himself to the waiters as ‘The new Mr Marland’ and proudly revealing your own recent elevation to the Peerage.
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