Q. Following the death of his sister, with whom he had always lived, an elderly neigh
bour has suddenly emerged as a remarkably unconvincing transvestite. I've habitually greeted him on the street but feel discouraged from doing so now on the grounds that if he is hoping to pass as a woman, it would be unkind to show him how inadequate his new disguise is. On the other hand, he may be thinking that he is being suddenly and rudely treated as an outcast. The obvious solution, to mistake him for his sister, is not an option here; nor do I particularly want to embark on a course of sympathy which will mean that I end up listening to his entire psychological history and giving him make-up tips. What is the correct behaviour in these circumstances?
PH, London SW8 A. The syndrome you mention is apparently quite common, particularly among twins who have lived together, where the remaining boy has a 60 per cent chance of wanting to dress in his sister's clothes. Experts say such people are not interested in changing sex; they just feel happier dressing in the clothes of the person who has died. There are many reasons for this, and readers who share the urge can telephone the Beaumont Society Helpline on 0700 0287 8787 if they wish to discuss it. The correct protocol is to take your neighbour as you found him before and address him as normal, perhaps about something anodyne such as local road-resurfacing. If necessary, let your eyes glaze over while doing so.
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