16 JANUARY 1999, Page 51

No. 2070: Midwinter madness

A friend has just received from abroad a travel brochure, full of spelling mistakes and fractured English, offering him a win- ter holiday 'complete with guilt-edged beaches' (a very Audenesque concept). You are invited to supply up to 150 words from such a brochure. Entries to 'Competi- tion No. 2070' by 28 January.