Your Problems Solved
Dear Maly Q. My wife has always had a wide network of friends, many of whom she makes contact with each day as they bring her up to date with how things are going in their lives. She is a good listener and always sees the point of things. She very much enjoys being abreast of all gossip as it 'breaks'. This would be fine but she is now on the telephone for, I estimate, around four hours a day, two of them with an earpiece while she is doing the school run. I would not mind if the emotional traffic were two-way but it always seems to be my wife who is consoling or congratulating some interlocutor and I never hear the favour being returned. She has turned into a kind of unpaid counsellor to some of these bores who appear to be addicted to keeping her informed of every minor development in their day. Indeed, she herself is clearly addicted to these real-life soap operas with their rolling news. She claims she has to carry a mobile in case I, or one of the children, is trying to get through to her. How can I tactfully tell these parasites to back off?
Name and address withheld A. Give your wife a present of a new mobile to which only you and the children have the number: If her friends have to leave messages on the old mobile and wait a few hours for their feedback their 'news' will soon lose its sense of urgency —particularly if your wife returns their calls at a time of day when their hands are full. In this way both parties' addiction levels can be brought down to more manageable levels.
Q. I am in the process of helping my sister plan her wedding. She and her future husband are both in their late forties. Although neither has been married before they both have fully equipped houses and my future brother-in-law owns a small country estate. They clearly do not actually need anything and so they think it would be absurd for them to have a 'wedding list' at their ages. Yet people are starting to ask where the wedding list is and seem to genuinely want to give them something. In some ways I think —well, why should they miss out? What do you rule, Mary?
A.T., Sevenoaks A. In the current climate, no one could object to either receiving or buying a tree as a wedding present. Why not suggest that friends contribute one or more trees towards a small commemorative wood which would be planted in honour of the wedding on your future brother-in-law's estate? May I recommend having a 'list' at the Shropshire supplier Trees Direct (www.treesdirect.co.uk; 01588 680280)? Invite well-wishers to make purchases from an inspiring range available from this company and ranging in price from £25 for a small tree to £60 or £70 for a larger: The trees come gift-wrapped in hessian bags with full planting instructions.
Q. My aunt tells me that staples are common while paperclips are not. What do you say, Mary?
K.E, London W8 A. Staplers have always been seen as ungentlemanly tools. They make an aggressive noise, can cause minor injuries and inhibit photocopying unless one has a staple-removing device. Even then they leave unsightly holes. Paperclips have always had the edge. They can at least be recycled as people chuck what you have sent them into a bin.
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