A NEW COMPETITION

The Editor offers a prize of £5 far a list of The Seven Wonders of the Modern World (20th Century).

EACH list should be of definite, concrete " Wonders." It would not be sufficient, for example, to choose Aeroplanes or Wireless ; it would be necessary to mention a particular feat of engineering or construction. Or to take another instance, Skyscrapeer would be too vague, but the Woolworth Building would be admissible. In order to refresh the memories of our competitors we give the usual list of the " Wonders of the Ancient World " :-(1) The Pyramids, (2) The Lighthouse of Alexandria, (3) The Hanging Gardens of Babylon, (4) The Temple of Diana at Ephesus, (5) The Statue of Olympian Zeus, (6) The Mausoleum at Halicarnassus, (7) The Colossus of Rhodes.

RULES FOR COMPETITIONS.

(1) All entries from readers in the United Kingdom and Irish Free State must be received on or before November 5th : all entries from other parts of the world on or before April 15th, 1927. (2) Competitors may send in as many entries as they wish, but each entry must be accompanied by the appropriate coupon. (3) The name and address (or the pseudonym) of every com- petitor must be written clearly at the foot of his manuscript. (4) The Editor cannot return any manuscript submitted for the competition, nor can he enter into correspondence with competitors.

(5) The Editor reserves the right of printing any manuscript sub- mitted. (6) Envelopes must be addressed : Competition, the Spectator, 13 York Street, Covent Garden, London, W.C. 2.

REPORT ON THE COMPETITION

The Editor offered a prize of £5 for an account of a " Faux Pas."

A REMEMBERED blunder can be an almost perpetual source of discomfort. Several of our readers have described incidents which took place as many as forty years ago, but still bring a blush to their cheeks. And the fact that all of us have probably committed the same kind of fault never seems to solace any one of us in his own personal recollection.

One of the most amusing faux pas is recorded by " Early Victorian." She had received an appeal for advice from a young housekeeper who was unable to satisfy her menfolk in the mornings. So " Early Victorian " wrote out a long list headed " Hints for Breakfast "-and enclosed it in her letter of thanks to the hostess with whom she had been staying. A good number of farcical situations occur in the entries ; and we see how necessary it is for the full humour of a farcical situation that it should happen to someone else. We have probably laughed already at the tales of people who have mistaken admirals for railway porters, referred to the husband of a middle-aged lady as her son, put their hands in a crowd into other people's pockets, or retired to rest in the wrong bedroom at an hotel. All these mischances have occurred to our readers, and they have obviously been far from amusing at the time.

Some faux pas can be definitely painful. We quote an entry from the Rev. Norman Landreth as a type :- It was my first leave from France. I had come away in the midst of great excitement. It was early in 1917 and we had just made our first big break through on the Western front after months of weary waiting before Beaumont Hamel ; and in addition I had received two weeks' letters all in a batch just before leaving.

I read the news on my way home and learned amongst othor things that two friends of mine had each had trouble. The wife of one was ill and not expected to recover, the wife of the other was very ill, too.

The first news I had on arriving was that my friend's wife, who wcs not expected to recover, had died. My friend himself had died of shock on the day of the funeral, and they were keeping the wife's grave open for the body of the husband. I went to visit may other friend whose wife was very ill. I said to him, after our greetings, " I am sorry to hear that our friend and his wife have gone. I hear that they are keeping his grave open for your wife. It's rather a nice idea, isn't it ? " " What ! " he said, " Whatever do you mean ? " " Oh, I am sorry," I hastened to say, " I mean they are keeping his wife's grave open for you."

I gave up explaining matters at this point and stood quietly by while my wife told him what I did mean.

A large proportion of blunders seemed to be connected with the Church. " Hades " describes very poignantly the awful feeling that came over him when he found himself t_,*4 round the collection plate at the wrong time. Lady Hoboes sends us a much lighter incident :- I think, perhaps, the most serious faux pat? I have ever perpetrated was when, on being taken into dinner by the Dean of St. Pany,, some years ago, he asked me " Do you often come to our Church !" and I, in my ecclesiastical deficiencies, looked up into that darkling countenance brightly, feeling a little cheering-up to be advisable, and answered I don't know which your Church is."

We thank " Almoner," " Luscus," " Allen," Elizabeth Beath, " Majorca," " T.Y.," A. Marshall, T. E. Lewis, and many other competitors for their entries ; we should have liked to have room for more quotation. The prize is awarded to " C'est vrai." Will he please give us his name and address?

It was at a dance in my native city-my first big dance, and consequently a very nerve-racking affair. I was anxious about the set of my tie, in dread lest my waist-coat should not quite fit me, and altogether in a miserable state of stage-fright. Having been divested of my coat and hat by a magnificent minion, I made my way nervously towards the ball-room. Outside, in the passage, stood an elderly gentleman of butler-like appearance. Summoning all my reserves of dignity and grace, I sauntered nonchalantly towards him. " Mr. James Short," I announced myself.

Slowly he turned his gaze upon me. " Really ? " he said. That he turned and walked away.

With feelings that I cannot attempt to describe I slunk round to another door and entered unannounced.

During the course of the evening I asked one of my partners whe the old gentleman in question might be, adding, to be more explicit, " the one with the fat lady in the terrible green dress." " Oh," eh, replied, " the one talking to mother. That's the President d College, Oxford." The college was the one which I was destined shortly to grace.