Television
Ten days on a sofa
Nigella Lawson
It says something, I suppose, about the utter bankruptcy of family life that wall-to- wall television is seen not so much as an `Little Miss Muffet was cured of her phobia.' adjunct to Christmas, but its defining fea- ture. But I suppose, too, that as with all arguments about the family, its worth and position, the image we fondly hold is far removed from our experiences of it. That's to say, just as we like to bemoan the ero- sion of the family even as we fail to manage a weekly telephone call to an unrewarding- ly costive but lonely great uncle, so the great moan about the naffness and vulgari- ty of Christmas as it is ushered forth on our television screens doesn't seem to stop peo- ple from watching for hours on end. Of course not everyone spends ten days slumped on the sofa with a mince pie and the remote control. Nor do I claim that it is desirable so to do, but I despise the ner/Y snobbery which condemns every pro- gramme as not being interesting enough- simply because it appeared on TV. When post codes were brought in a decade or so ago certain sections of society regarded them as common. They wouldn't use them because they felt they impoverished their address. These are the sort of people who seem to feel their standing — intellectual as well as social — is enhanced the more ignorance they show of television. Funnily enough, it is just these types who are drawn to the Great Christmas Television Season- It's the films, you see. So many and not all of them bad. Somehow it doesn't make these sensitive creatures feel that they are subsisting on a diet of prole- feed; it feels, to borrow a New Yorker word, `toner'.of them, I, who watch EastEnders every week, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, as if my life depended on it and can own up to thinking Challenge Anneka is wonderful TV, am not worried about tone in TV. slightest. In fact I am all for toneless v; But I like watching films and normally like watching worse films than I would bother to go and see in the cinema. Or else I like seeing films again that I've already liked seeing once. I feel more aroclous about films I suspect will be good and that for some reason I haven't seen full-sized- I feel anxious because then I feel more aware of what I am being deprived of- I feel I'm getting less. I tell you this since necessarily informs my very partial both senses — list of films broadcast .over the next couple of weeks. This isn't quite 3 previewing service — there isn't a national. newspaper which isn't spewing forth SI:113 plements — but simply an advisory alling of prejudices. A shortlist would include on Mon,da,.,y) 19th, Cutter's Way (midnight, BB" though it's a toss up between that and The Iperess File on BBC1 at 12.10 a.m.; on Tuesday 20th, The Italian Job, for the 0,1,” time, but I can never not watch it (/3/I--.: 11.35 p.m.); on Wednesday 21st, DI', though it may be a bit Jewish for so_2e readers, or indeed contributors 0313I- 11.15 p.m.) and three-quarters of. a. n hour later on ITV — either a firm decision. or ...04 video needed — Comfort and Joy, u Friday 23rd, An American in Paris (BBC2, 1.10 p.m.) and The Godfather Part III (BBC1, 9.30 p.m.); on Christmas Eve, Dead Again, which I'm sure isn't going to be that good but nor do I believe it can be as bad as so many of the Ken and Em enviers of the world claim it to be (BBC1, 10 p.m.) and Frankenstein — the real one, not Ken's (Channel 4, 12.35 a.m.); on Christmas Day, Doctor Dolittle, though the appeal is purely nostalgic (BBC2, 10 a.m.), Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, one of those I could be bothered to drag myself to the cinema for (BBC1, 6.45. p.m.) and Trading Places, which I think I watch every Christmas (BBC1, 11.3Q p.m.); on Boxing Day, Little Women and Singin' in the Rain, one after glorious other ( BBC2, 8.05 & 10 a.m.) and Woody Allen's Another Woman, which is suitably, seasonably, depressing (BBC2, 10.50 p.m.); on Tues 27th, Thelma and Louise (BBC2, 10.15 p.m.) or at more or less the same time, Orson Welles' Othello, the restored version, (C4, 10.35 p.m.); on Wed 28th, High Society (BBC2, 6.45 p.m.) and JFK (BBC2, 9.25 p.m.) which conflicts with and is less compelling than If. . . (C4, 10.00 p.m.), though ITV has a contender in The Fly (10.20 p.m.), The Lost Boys at 11.50 P.m. on BBC1 is a modern, allegorical vam- pire film with a Just Say No message; on Thursday 29th is a bearably feelgood family film, Parenthood (BBC1, 9.30 p.m.) though I have a weakness for In Bed with Madonna (BBC2, 10.25 p.m.) and on Friday 30th it's either Get Carter on BBC1 at 12 a.m.or With- out You I'm Nothing on BBC2 at 12.10 a.m. What strikes you about the above list, apart from the eccentricity of a TV review- er's concentrating on films rather than made-for-television entertainment (appro- priate here if only because I guess Spectator readers tend towards the 'films are the only things worth watching' variety)? With a couple of exceptions, everything I've cho- sen is on the BBC. A similarly selective list of actual programmes would give the same Sort of showing. Now the BBC has always 'ought of the Christmas season as its own, and ITV has more or less gone along with that too. But this year, apparently, it was going to be different: ITV was going to Go ,431g on Christmas. Well, you'd never notice. Of Course there's a reason why ITV doesn't Put out good programmes after Christmas: everyone's done their Christmas shopping and there is a consequent lull in ia_civerrising, January sales and next year's holidays notwithstanding. Without the advertisements, there's no point in produc- ing the programmes, or no revenue to Make them. ITV's Christmas output pro- vides a cogent argument for the BBC if ever I heard one.
Though one needn't put it quite so nega- tively: the BBC's Christmas programming puts its own case persuasively enough. Whether I still think that in a fortnight's subtly, is another matter. (Channel 4 is, Notly, another and more honourable state of affairs.)
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