SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 176 Report by Guy Kendall ' The
task of judging this competition has been rendered difficult by the fact that although many of the entries were up to a good level there were no quite outstanding contributions. More than half chose the examination scene. The hospital discharge and the New Mayor followed in order of preference, and bridge produced some lively entries. The only press conference of interest was an interview with a witch who was sponsored by the Society for Psychical Research, but the idea was better than its execution.
Most of the better competitors have caught the tricks and manner- isms of the B.B.C. commentator, though none of them had observed the common danger of embarking on a sentence and being unable to finish it satisfactorily. To give an imaginary instance (not far off from an actual example from the Coronation Procession) : " The Black Maria is now empty ; soon it will be filled by . . . ." Naturally in the first week of July many commentators adopted the technique of the cricket report. E. T. Gartside, in a covering letter, hoped that the judge was " an enthusiast for cricket " (why, yes, even to the annoyance of his family !). . Out of so even a group of competitors as emerges at the top I recommend a first prize of £2 to Mrs. M. E. Fossey, and £1 each to the following : P. M. (whose " lirge china teapot " reminds one of the beautiful sketch of a parish pump made by Charles Kingsley in a paper on mechanics when he could not describe its working), Hazel Dement (but do any University authorities publish the classes on the occasion of the viva ?) and Nancy Gunter.
PRIZES
(M. E. FossEy) It is ..a lovely June morning here at South Kensington ... the sun is pouring .. . literally pouring ... through tbe beautiful twentieth century windows of this ... fairly old ... twentieth century building into which for the last hour students of this old .'; . moderately old... University have been ... literally pouring. And now this great hall ... this great schoolroom almost ... with its rows on rows of empty desks . is waiting with an air of expectancy for the moment for which we have all been ... waiting. Meanwhile, the invigilator ... a really magnificent figure in his robes of office ... is moving quietly to his post. And now, at any moment, the great doors will open .. . (cresc.) Yes ... I can see them ... I can see the candidates ... filing in .. they are being checked ... this is a most moving moment ... they are moving ... they are moving for- ward ... a really wonderful sight .... The men in their blazers with the colourful badges ... simply blazing ... the women students, mostly in demure tailor-mades ... simply magnificent figures ... especially that little brunette just settling into the last seat in the front row ... now she is pushing back a curl from her right ear and looking ... looking straight towards me with beautiful ... with magnificent blue eyes ....
(P. M.) ... I wish I could convey to you, Listeners, the mood of intense expectancy in which this gallant little group of candidates awaits zero hour. While waiting we might have a word with an extremely purposeful- looking young man in the queue here— (Excuse me ... will you tell us if this is your first attempt at Responsions ?. . . not sitting I . . . oh, ink-wells, I see I)
Now the queue begins to move, each candidate receiving the fateful
leaflet as he enters Hall .... (Could I perhaps just glimpse the first question, sir ? Illustrate the use of the phrase TI-POTE : Greek to me I fear, sir, but we wish you luck, don't we, Listeners ?)
Now the candidates are at their desks under starter's orders—all but No. 6 who is getting more paper ... now he's coming back ... the
clock stands at exactly 9.30 the invigilator raises his hand ... ping— they're off l That 19-year-old, his head resolutely bent, is off to a flying start. I wonder if I might tip-toe u,p and glance over his shoulder to see how he's taking that first hurdle .... Well I This is a surprise, List- eners l I must tell you he has just completed a life-size sketch of a large china tea-pot I '
(HAZEL DAMANT)
And at this point we should like to welcome Light Programme listeners with the news that the seventh candidate this morning, French, has just scored a chancy Third. There he goes, walking slowly out of the room now. And while we're waiting for the eighth man to come in, I've just time to read you the results so far. Robertson got a First—a really beautiful performance this—he was always on top of the questions and gave one or two sparkling answers on his European History ' • he never seemed in any difficulty the whole time he was in. Charters, Ferguson, Garland, and Wade all answered well to get Seconds. In fact the only disappointment has been Stoner, who was completely beaten by some very fine questions from Professor Webb. But here comes the next candidate, Barton. He walks in slowly, settles himself at his desk, and now he's taking a good look round the room. And the first question is going to be asked by Dr. Henry, sitting at the far end of the table from us. It's a goodish question, well thought out, but there's very little guile in it, and Barton is able to send the answer straight back.
(N. GUNTER)
Well, here we are outside St. Peculia's Hospital to watch the dis- charge of one of its most prominent patients, Sir Cosmo Swindlebury- Cheetham. Any minute now he will be wheeled out on to this sunny terrace on a stretcher. Matron has just come out looking very charming in white, a distinguished-looking stranger has just engaged her in what appeared to be a somewhat disturbing conversation—I hope everything is all right—now some more of the hospital personnel have joined them and they are all looking rather anxiously down the drive—I think they hear the ambulance approaching to take Sir Cosmo—yes—no—yes, here it comes. Good Heavens, it's black—this is strange—it looks uncommonly like a BlaCk Maria—it is one—it can't be coming here— yes, it's stopping—it's stopped. Its back door opens and out jump two stalwart men in blue. Well, well, this is a surprise, but here comes the patient on his stretcher, he has caught sight of the vehicle and is making frantic efforts to escape. By Jove, that was smart work, he has dis- appeared into the Black Maria from which I can now hear confused cries....
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