YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. As I grow older I view with increasing irri- tation the almost universal practice of callers Prefacing any telephone conversation with a formal inquiry as to my state of health, e.g. How are you?', which requires some reply. To say 'Very well, thank you' at the age of 76, is hubristic and invites immediate disaster; on the other hand, to convey one's irritation Might appear churlish. Have you any sugges- tions as to a suitable reply? E.D.G., Caine, Wiltshire A. You can say 'stable', meaning that you are the same today as you were yesterday and hope to be tomorrow. This expression also has medical overtones which, at your age, may be appropriate.
Q. I spend a lot of time on aeroplanes. I am fortunate enough to be able to travel first class but, since I am an international celebri- tY, I suffer from anxiety that my image may be compromised through one of my fellow Passengers taking a photograph of me while I am asleep — mouth open, dribbling, or worse — which they could easily sell to a tabloid for a handsome financial reward. I do not travel with a bodyguard, so how do you suggest I get round this problem, Mary? Name and address withheld A. Why not take a tip from Damon Albarn of Blur, recently spotted on an Air Jamaica another 50 years, without seeming grasping? Name and address withheld A. Ask if you can borrow it so that your own carpenter can make a copy. Your par- ents will make the obvious mental leap and suggest you keep the original piece. They will think this was their own idea.
Q. I am shortly to host a dinner party which promises to be slightly sticky. Circum- stances have dictated the guest list and we feel that those present may have very little in common. A power cut, which one of your correspondents recently recommended, would be inappropriate given the protago- nists of this particular party, so can you give me any advice as to how I can make sure the conversation flows freely?
H.S., London SW11 A. Why not introduce the uncontroversial subject of ghosts, kicking off with an experi- ence of your own which you can spin by pre- senting it as a recent occurrence? This almost always provokes a stimulating discus- sion whereby people queue up to chip in with their own first- or second-hand accounts of hauntings. With six people pre- sent, the discussion should take up at least 20 minutes, after which a sense of cama- raderie will have been bred as the guests will feel bonded together against a common foe.
Dear Mary. . .
flight from Kingston to London? The pop star lolled back in complete comfort with his blanket cunningly arranged to conceal his entire head and pelvis area while he slept peacefully throughout the flight. Naturally the blanket needs to be styled so as to allow breathing channels but deny the entry of pho- tographic lenses, other than those attached to an endoscopic camera, which few fellow pas- sengers would be likely to have 'on' them.
Q. My parents are the owners of various stately homes to which I am not the heir. Vis- iting one of these the other day, I happened to pass through some underground storage rooms and noted a wardrobe which would be perfect for one of the bedrooms in my new house. I am sure they would not miss this particular wardrobe, or even mind if I had it. It has probably never occurred to them to offer it to me. How can I hint that they might like to hand over this piece of furniture, which could well lie around unnoticed for
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