COMPETITION

No. 626: A hundred years hence

Set by E. 0. Parrott: Each week the SPECTATOR publishes an extract from 'A Hundred Years Ago'. Competitors are asked to furnish an item from the SPECTATOR or any other (named) weekly or daily en- titled 'A Hundred Years Hence'. Entries, marked 'Competition No. 626', by 30 October.

No. 623: The winners

Charles Seaton reports: On the pattern of Spiro T. Agnew's two tongue-twisters: 'Nattering nabobs of negativism' and 'Hopeless hysterical hypochondriacs of his- tory' readers were invited to com- pose three similar alliterative phrases to describp well-known in- dividuals or groups.

The implied invitation to intem- perate invective or irresponsible irreverence at ineradicable inepti- tude and insuperable insensibility inevitably inclined many to intran- sigent intolerance. But not all. There were a few—a very few— bouquets. Politicians were, under- standably, a prime target. Harold Wilson excited a number of entries but none with a prizewinning punch. His successor came off very lightly. Several entrants, however, evidently have it in for the Young Liberals.

The most popular individual target was Malcolm Muggeridge (not a single really complimentary entry). Not far behind him came all the tribe of media men (all except Robert Dougall, that is). The high proportion of entries that dealt with either politicians or popularisers is worth remarking. Perhaps it is an index of what we consider their importance in our lives as corn- pared with other groups who im- pinge on our daily consciousness. Anyway, here is a selection of the comments you made on them :

WEDGWOOD BENN : Titan of tech- nological tenesmus (R. Burton) GEORGE BROWN: An egregiously exhibitionist emitter of effluvient extroversion (Molly Fitton) HEATH: Toothy Ted's tantalising titters (Simon Marquis) ENOCH POWELL: Coruscating cause of Conservative conflict

(Bernard O'Sullivan)

YOUNG LIBERALS: Garrulous gang of gangrenous gamins (Mrs D. Day) YOUNG LIBERALS : Raucous, ram- pant, rancorous rapscallions

(R. A. Dutton)

MUGGERIDGE : Sneering self-satisfied satirist and simpering Sunday sociologist (George van Schaick) TELEVISION PUNDITS, e.g. MUGGE. RIDGE : Grossly glamorised gurus, garrulously gabbling grotesque gobbledygook (J. M. Crooks) KENNETH ALLSOP : Middle-aged mod of the mass media

(George van Schaick)

JACK DE MANIO : a wordily waffling and windbagging wiseacre

(Tim O'Dowda)

AD-MEN: Meretricious mesmerists of mellifluous mendacity

(David Tidy)

FANNY CRADOCK: Dernonstratinn duchesse of the dish delectable

(John Digby)

There were such a number of references to them that hippies and nudity deserve a short section of their own : HIPPIES : Dreary dope-pushing dropouts dependent on doledom

(J. S. B. Adams)

Adolescent affranchised agapo- menites (R. A. Dutton)

Dim drop-outs of deleterious de linouescence (Molly Fitton)

BUNNIES : A bum-bouncing bevy of bosomy bunnies (E. 0. Parrott) TOPLESS WAITRESSES: Transient topless tail-waggers of Titivation's tinselled temples (J. S. B. Adams)

The rest of our interests receive less concentrated attention:

BUREAUCRATS: Brobdignagian bar- nacles from the black bilge-water of bumbledom (G. J. Blundell) Bumbling beavering badgering Big Brotherhood (Graham Cherry) STUDENT' DEMONSTRATORS: Auto- matically anti-authoritarian advo- cates of autocratically-administered anarchy (J. M. Crooks) THE TUC: A galumphing gallimau- frey of gargantuan gallinazos

(David Tidy)

COMMON MARKET FANATICS : Foolish

francophilandering filibusters (P.M.)

IAN PAISLEY: A rampageous ran- cidity of raucous rodomontade

(Ian Kelso)

HIJACKERS: Truculent tyrants transporting tense travellers to terrorist territories (Adam Khan) MIDDLE AMERICANS: Neanderthal nonentities of Nothingville

(Malcolm Shaw)

COMMUTERS : A claustrophobic crush of confined cattle-trucked commuters (E. 0. Parrott) TEMPORARY TYPISTS: Transitory tea-tippling tippety-tappeties

(Graham Cherry)

SMALL BOY SCOUTS: A botheration of be-toggled bob-a-jobbery (P.M.) A half-guinea for each of the above which are extracted- from the many sets of three Submitted. Many had a single barb, but few had three good prongs. Prizes of three guineas each go to Tim O'Dowda and William Hodson for their sets of three—all six of whom are entertainers of one sort or an- other: ROBIN DAY: A taut transmitter of tortured topicality.

FANNY CRADOCK: An astringent arbiter of alimentary affluence ROBERT DOUGALL : An elegantly euphonious expositor of exemplary enunciation

(Tim O'Dowda)

KENNETH TYNAN: Perspiringly per- sistent propagandist of public pri- apic performance STRIPPERS: Bare, bored, bosomy, bottomy birds JOHN LENNON : Preposterous pop- ster prophet of phallic photo- graphy (William Hodson)