Low life
Tankful
Jeffrey Bernard
The low life isn't always that low. Some- ' times it's quite cosy down here in the gutter and if you had been with me in Paris last Sunday you too might have been half sick on caviare. I went over to France at the invitation of Trust House Forte who spon- sored the Prix Vermeille at Longchamp. There was a splendid reception and then lunch in a suite two floors up and almost opposite the winning post, and what a good lunch it was. Lord Churchill who was hosting the do then told me, 'Use the place as a pub for the rest of the day.' Quite a few of us did. Forte even flew a load of English waiters over and they were very attentive. So was I toward two amazing ladies I met. They asked me not to mention them by name since they're both a little paranoid about the press but one of their dads owns tankers and the other one is in the impor- tant business of brewing. I got chatting to them over the Devon cream tea which punc- tuated the afternoon and it turned out that they both like this column which cheered me up no end. What with the splendid refreshments, the ladies and Time Charter doing a Waterloo and stamping her class by walking away with the Prix Foy I drifted into the evening feeling like a millionaire myself. The tanker then asked the brewer and me to dinner in a caviare restaurant just off the Champs Elysees. We drank almost ice-cold Polish vodka and we kicked off with a very good borscht and sour cream with pancakes. Then the tanker went mad and ordered five bowls of caviare and I mean bowls piled high and not those piddling pots you usual- ly get in seafood restaurants. I had caviare coming out of my ears and stopped eating or tried to but she kept urging me to finish it and not waste it. I was nearly ill but I soldiered on for England. After that the tanker went home to bed leaving her limousine and chauffeur at the brewers's and my disposal. For a moment I pondered a hand in hand walk along the banks of the Seine but the bars of St Germain beckoned and won the night. It was really quite an ex- traordinary day and I ended it giggling. When the tanker signed the bill I noticed that it came to nearly £300 and I thought how funny that my telephone is cut off and I owe my landlady two months rent. Have I been mixing with the wrong people all these years? Of course not, but the occasional taste is pleasant and in three weeks' time I'm off to Barbados for ten days. Quite nice spacing. I'm flying out there but I suppose I could come back on a tanker. The day before the Trust House Forte shindig and the caviare I spent most of the day lounging around the bars of St Ger- main with my godson, Sean Dunbar, who was putting me up and who works in a Paris theatre making sets and scenery. I havde never seen so many attractive girls ant women in such a short space of time. realise now why Sean has been living there for three years. One of the things I illtde about these women is that they don't mill., being looked at and they look at Yau straight in the eye. You know just Where you stand. They also dress to look their best which makes a marvellous change from Ile Vietnam commando bags and the Spareflil jumble sale curtains. If I had a light wouldn't hide it under a bushel. tinf°r. tunately, it's gone out. Yes, back in Soho there were a Pile °cif messages awaiting me in the Coach all„ Horses all from ladies saying they coil& make it and cancelling dates. But it is oda that no matter where I've been, Paris °rt Barbados, there's something I like ah°1j coming back to my own particular squalor,: debts and anxieties. I miss Norrntal rudeness and the patronising glances fort the staff of Private Eye from their table al the corner. I like to keep in touch with ot. actly how many boxes of grapes Charlie has sold. I miss the evil faces on the racecourse. And when the brewer and the tanker stoP paddling in the Mediterranean and coMe to see me as they said they would, what (3.1ln earth will they make of it all? What 011 they think of the steak pie and two Will they giggle too when I sign the bill!
P.S. This column is more or IV
e' duplicated in this week's Sporting Lit
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