POLITICAL COMMENTARY

A matter of great importance

PETER PATERSON

More than most politicians, life has tried to teach Mr Patrick Gordon Walker the merits of caution. The cruel torment of his by- election defeat at Leyton in 1964 not only caused him the most intense humiliation, but cost him his job as Foreign Secretary. And now that great, sad bloodhound face designed for infinite suffering, and getting its full share, peers out of the portrait on the dust- jacket of his new book, The Cabinet (Cape 35s) deterring the addict for political porno- graphy who expects to find juicy secrets of Cabinet life between its covers.

And yet, such is the market for Cabinet secrets, or alleged Cabinet secrets, that Mr Gordon Walker's arid tome, designed it would seem for a sixth form civics course, has already figured in the public prints as the source for a sensational Daily Mail dis- closure on how Harold Wilson and George Brown wanted to fight the Suez war all over again by sending gunboats to separate the Arabs and Israelis in 1967, but were over- ruled by the rest of the Cabinet.

Mr Gordon Walker, if he will forgive me, asked for it. His book, on my count, makes something like twenty-five tantalising refer- ences to incidents which occurred at meetings of Harold Wilson's Cabinet. All are cryptic in the extreme, and some are so trivial that even Mr Walter Terry of the Daily Mail would not wish to bother distinguished former members of the Cabinet for informa- tion about them : e.g. Mr Gordon Walker describes with all the detail a Sunday Times Insight reporter would bring to the task the fixtures and fittings of the antechamber in which ministers gather before a meeting of the Cabinet. 'They chat with one another about business and personal affairs, using first names. Officials of the Cabinet secre- tariat keep a tally of ministers as they make their appearance. Mr Attlee himself used to open the double doors that separate the ante- chamber from the Cabinet room. In Mr Harold Wilson's time this was usually done by a uniformed attendant.' Who cares? is one's immediate reaction to such trivialities.

Mr Gordon Walker announces in a pre- . fatory note that he makes allusions to a num- ber of recent events without giving particu- lars of the persons involved or details of what was decided. So he has prepared a key elucidating these passages which will, he hopes, 'in due and proper course', appear in a later edition. That, I am afraid, is what has set the political sleuths on your trail, Mr Gordon Walker. It must be extremely irritat- ing to have to keep appearing on radio and television, even for small fee, to deliver am- biguous denials of stories like Mr Terry's, and all the attendant publicity might even make difficulties for Messrs Jonathan Cape in deciding the size of the printing order for your book. But the fact is, despite all those hoary old tales you recount of life in Mr Gladstone's Cabinet, and how Mr Bonar Law broke a convention by insisting on being elected leader of the Conservative party be- fore accepting King George Vs invitation to form a government, life nowadays moves at a pretty spanking pace. We can't wait twenty years for a full and frank account of what went on in the Wilson Cabinet, nor do we much like being teased by this kind of tan- talising exercise in lifting the corner of the curtain.

I have therefore decided, after long and careful consideration of the risks I shall be running of prosecution under the Official Secrets Acts, to make public some extracts from the proceedings of Cabinet meetings presided over by Harold Wilson as Prime Minister. My source, fortunately for him, is now beyond the reach of the Attorney Gen- eral's wrath: he was a house fly whose regular beat was the wall and ceiling of the Cabinet room at No 10 Downing Street. He met his end while trying to decipher one of those jolly little notes that Cabinet ministers, according to Gordon Walker, slide across the table to each other commenting on the pro- gress of business, or encouraging interrup- tions of particularly long-winded speakers. While intercepting a note from Mr Anthony Crosland to Lord Shackleton, the contents of which will now never be known, he was absent-mindedly swatted by Mr William Ross, the Secretary of State for Scotland. A new fly is now under intense training at the offices of the SPECTATOR, but will not be ready for reporting duties for some time yet.

We will, for the present, confine ourselves to elucidating just one of Mr Gordon Walker's brief references, purely for the pur- pose of allowing the governed to know a little of the thought processes of our political masters, and to give historians something to work on while they are waiting for the official record to become available under the Thirty Year Rule.

Let us take the sentence on page ninety- two which apparently set Mr Terry off: `Mr Harold Wilson and his Foreign Secretary were once overruled by the Cabinet on a matter of great importance.' This, according to my records, had nothing whatever to do with the Arabs versus Israel match replay,but concerned an incident which, unaccountably, failed to find any mention in the usual brief- ing given to political correspondents of the national papers after Cabinet meetings. The subject being discussed was the projected sale of a complete germ warfare factory to the Republic of South Africa. The then Foreign Secretary, opened the discussion: SECRETARY OF STATE FOR FOREIGN AFFAIRS I would now like to raise, Prime Minister, the fait accompli you and I agreed should be placed before our colleagues at Cabinet this morning. Gentlemen—and lady—great news! We have been asked by Dr Vorster to pro- vide, for purposes of defence only, of course, a fully-equipped germ warfare factory. I very much regret that this normal trading transaction could not have been dealt with through ordinary commercial channels, but I appreciate your assurance, Prime Minister, that we needn't expect any trouble from this lot, particularly as the deal is worth £150 million to the balance of pay- ments.

PRESIDENT OF THE BOARD OF TRADE Why hasn't anyone told me about it? We're already well adrift on our export accounts as it is.

FIRST SECRETARY FOR EMPLOYMENT AND PRO- DUCTIVITY The -ruc will never stand for it. We've already caused unemployment in the North East by banning the sale of Buccaneers to South Africa, so why should we agree to sell them a germ warfare factory which will take employment away from this country? SECRETARY OF STATE FOR WALES Hear, hear. Why can't we have one in the Rhondda?

SECRETARY OF STATE FOR FOREIGN AFFAIRS

Germs are a lot smaller than Buccaneers. SECRETARY OF STATE FOR DEFENCE I thought any kind of warfare was my province. MINISTER OF TECHNOLOGY Not if it involves test tubes.

PRIME MINISTER I feel we have had a full and frank discussion on this subject, and the feeling of the Cabinet is perfectly clear. We are in favour of ...

SECRETARY OF STATE FOR HOME AFFAIRS Card vote! Card vote!

PRIME MINISTER We are not in the habit of counting noses in my Cabinet.

SECRETARY OF STATE FOR HOME AFFAIRS

Tellers in their places!

LORD HIGH CHANCELLOR What the devil's going on?

PRIME MINISTER I've had just about enough of all this disloyalty. Hands up those who want to keep their dog licences—in fact, I've a good mind to sink the whole ship by exer- cising my exclusive privilege to ask Her Majesty for a dissolution.

CHANCELLOR OF THE DUCHY OF LANCASTER

Don't expect me to explain all this to the United Nations.

PAYMASTER GENERAL The Rand is bound to be devalued sooner or later, so why worry? CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER I feel bound, Prime Minister, to reveal to our colleagues that there are strings attached to what the Foreign Secretary has described as a 'normal transaction'. It is my solemn duty, therefore, in the absence of explanation by you, to re- veal that in order to secure this order in competition with the French government, we have to agree to a tour by the South African cricket team in 1970. Personally, I think we should set our faces against this sordid trade with the Boers as soon as we can afford to do so.

SECRETARY OF STATE FOR FIOME AFFAIRS I can now announce the result of the card Qote. For the South African deal, 2,323,000. Against, 19,450,000. Abstained, 227,000. I de- clare the motion lost, and you., Prime Minister, and Foreign Secretary have been overruled, as historians would put it, on a matter of great importance.

PRIME MINISTER (aside, to the Secretary of the Cabinet) Sir Burke, make sure the official minutes show that I voted with the majority, will you? (To all). That seems to conclude today's business. I think I shall now com- plete my game of bowls.-