YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.. .
Q. I work in a television production compa- ny where everyone gets on very well; yet whenever our office goes for after-work drinks one of our colleagues always shows a marked reluctance to buy his round. We don't want to be confrontational but how, in the busy Christmas drinking period, can we hint that he should occasionally put his hand in his own pocket? J.B., Edinburgh A. There is no need for you to hint, as peo- ple with budgetary neuroses of the type you describe know quite well that it is their round but would usually rather not have a social life than have to pay anything towards it. As `tight-wads' tend also to make the best company, you cannot afford to risk their not joining you in the future by making them once pay. The best method is for one of you to cry good-naturedly, when setting out for the drinks, 'Hey! Let's do a deal, Angus. You needn't pay for anything but you can queue for the drinks and carry them over, and then drive us all home afterwards if we pay for your petrol.' Far from being humiliated or offended, you will find that Angus is only too happy to comply with your suggestions. The small-time sav- ings he will make, together with the thought of the potential profit he might run up on the petrol, will induce a deep sense of happiness and relaxation in him. You and your colleagues will also be able to relax at the thought of not queueing for drinks or looking for taxis and in this way you can turn Angus's defects to everyone's advantage.
Q. Please suggest some Christmas presents for men.
A.S., London SW3 A. How about a metal detector for land- owning men friends? For years these devices have been exclusively in the pre- serve of 'wallies', while those who could have most benefited from their use are missing out on the gratifying year-round
experiences of finding valuable and semi- valuable things in their own backyards. Metal detectors range in price from £59.50 to £800, and can be purchased from such outlets as Mike Longfield Metal Detectors near Coventry (0676 533274). What about a pre-paid visit to a dental hygienist for non- touchy bachelor friends? Outlay? £32 for a central London appointment. Giant sacks of kindling (chopped for you by idle youths) go down very well with country dwellers when icicles hang by the wall. Finally, what about 500 first-class stamps for men who have everything? All these presents have the advantage of triggering not just one-off but recurrent waves of grat- itude towards you, the donor.
Q. What is the ideal way to clear a room which has become lugged up' during Christmas afternoon?
A.B., W8 A. The problem of what Posy Simmonds has described as `sprouty cushions' can be easily dealt with by keeping a set of fresh pre-plumped cushions in a cold room and making a wholesale sweep through the room to exchange them at a key moment.
Previous page
