High life
Claude's reign
Taki
Paris With less than a month to go before the most crucial election in modern French history, a politically motivated act has abolished the most sacrosanct of Gallic institutions In a gesture reminiscent of the Pre-election purification ritual perfected by Mayor Daley of Chicago and Jimmy Walker of New York, the authorities have not only done away with the institution, they have arrested the high priestess as well. The Shrine I am referring to, needless to say, is the incomparable call-girl service of Madame Claude, run so efficiently by her Dauphine, Mlle Catherine Virgitie.
Madame Claude's main office, located above the stolid Banque Rothschild, on the avenue George V, is occupied by a squad or evil-looking gendarmes, and the bestknown number in the history of Alexander Graham Bell's invention has been disconnected. The reasons for this brutal and iconoclastic act are political. The communists, who along with the socialists are favourites to win the coming elections, have attacked the regime for turning a blind eye to the greatest French attraction since the louvre. But for the benefit of any Spectator readers who might not be familiar with Madame Claude (knowing the English I expect anything) here is a brief resume.
A tiny brunette with a strong personality and a pleasant smile, Claude Grudet spent four years in a German concentration camp. She attributes her consummate hatred of the communists to the cynical methods the Reds used to escape their fate. She claims they denounced non-communists and the well-to-do to the Germans after having become friendly with the victims. After the war she married a resistance hero and became the most successful Madame in history by applying the Geisha principle. Men were not fawned upon only to be hurried and treated like cattle once the price was paid.
On the contrary, money was never men tioned, special clients were allowed to open accounts, thus not cheapening the experi ence by having to come .up with the cash, and the girls were not...`professionals.'
The young ladies were mostly models, struggling actresses and dancers. Some were happily married and supplemented their income. All were educated, spoke foreign languages and bought their clothes in the boutiques of the best couturiers. They acted as perfect hostesses and were taught to do so by Claude. The quality was such that two of France's most popular actresses today began their careers with Claude. A beautiful and youthful countess, a German by birth, also took her first steps in society through Claude. So did the wife of a great Arab entrepreneur.
The distinguishing feature of ex-Claude girls who have made good is their lack of pomposity as well as the friendliness they display towards ex-clients who have become their social inferiors. As most French society leaders began as demimondaines, the unassuming manner of Claude girls manages to disarm even the bitchiest of gossips. Claude reigned supreme during the 'sixties and early 'seventies. A call would provide the client with the description of available girls, her size, colour of hair, sexual preference, etc. There was never any exaggeration of the girl's beauty, Claude believing — unlike most of her rival entremetteuses — that a pleasant surprise is the greatest aphrodisiac.
The prices were high, twenty pounds for one hour, fifty pounds for the night. But when oil-rich Arabs came on the scene the end was in sight. Two thousand pounds was not an unusual price to pay for an afternoon's pleasure, and, needless to say, that eliminated most Europeans. Claude saw the writing on the wall, wrote her memoirs and turned over her business to Catherine Virgitie, her most beautiful and nicest girl. Catherine disliked Arabs and wanted to work on the business side.
When French political activists turned promiscuity into a mode of political protest, Claude and Catherine became the target of communist attacks. Claude counterattacked, pointing out the Reds as frightening examples of sexual bankruptcy.
She painted a nightmare world where sex was forbidden citing Orwell and 1984. The inept and frightened Giscard, leaning over backwards to appease the Left, reluctantly gave the orders to close her down.
The institution of Madame Claude provided a great service for the Fifth Republic.
Both De Gaulle and Pompidou used its offices for entertaining recalcitrant heads of state. Thus it was ironic that an ex-Prime Minister, Gaullist to the bone, explained the closure as the 'first insidious sign of British subversion the General had warned us against. No sooner have the British come . into the Common Market than Madame Claude is shut down. Soon we will have to create men's clubs, develop a sense of humour and forget about women altogether. Merde.'
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