CITY AND SUBURBAN
If you don't like a strong pound, try a weak one, or switch from kirs to martinis
CHRISTOPHER FILDES
Hung be the heavens with black, yield, day, to night. Cancel that ski-ing holiday now. The ten-franc kir has sunk out of sight, and who can say when it will surface again? It stands, of course, for the crucial exchange rate of ten French francs to the pound, at which it becomes economic to drink in France. How we suffered, a decade ago, when the pound was in the doldrums and we could barely afford a bowl of olives. How our hopes rose as our currency rose, and how complacently, these last few years, we have taken the ten-franc kir for granted, and the 3,000-lire negroni, too. Both have now been swallowed by the euro, but I track their posthumous exchange rates, and the franc's, which only last autumn was holding steady at 10.40, slithered this week below the Plimsoll line and fell to an ignominious 9.97. As usual after such an event, the analysts can explain it away. The dollar has fallen from grace, the euro has benefited and the pound has been caught in the cross-fire. We shall all have some adjusting to do, starting with the European Commission, which complains that the eurozone cannot even compete as things are. The new guard at the top of the Bank of England and the Treasury may have to learn (what the old guard could tell them) that the problems of a strong currency are nothing to the problems of a weak one. The rest of us may have to go in New York, where the pound is at its highest for three years. Onwards and upwards to the twodollar martini!
High Street, 1914
HERE we go again: 'Retail is detail, we all of us know, and hard work and competitive, too, so why bother when it is so much more fun to buy and sell shops?' This, I said, watching Philip Green scoop up Arcadia, was the reason why Store Wars break out. Now, four months on, it is 1914 in the High Street, the troop trains are rolling, and everyone wants to march across Safeway as if it were Belgium. Morrison started this with a pre-emptive strike, Sainsbury could not stand idly by, Asda is backed by WalMart, its mighty American ally, and Tesco, the current top nation, must wonder what it can do to maintain its supremacy. This war will be fought under its own rules of battle, for the winner will have to secure the regulators' blessing — and, indeed, regulation has brought this war on. Why fight your way through the barbed wire of the planning process, losing time and money and effort and hope in the struggle to open new shops of your own, when it might be so much quicker and simpler to buy other people's? Who will win this war? In the end, the big battalions. Who will lose it? Thanks to the planners, I dare say that we shall.
CDM for Sir Ken
MY sympathies among the store warriors are with Sir Ken Morrison, a chairman who wastes no time on the niceties of Cadburial correctness. This 71-year-old father of two small children built Morrison up and still runs it, without any of the elaborate structure of boardroom committees and nonexecutive directors that Sir Adrian Cadbury prescribes. Those who believe in the literal inspiration of codes of corporate governance — the next one, from Derek Higgs, is due on Monday — can only shudder. If he gets Safeway, Sir Ken has agreed to tolerate two non-execs, presumably borrowed from Madame Tussauds, but he has already earned the honour I confer on him: the CDM (Cadbury's Dairy Milk) and Bar.
The visible man
I LIKED Lord Limerick's definition of an invisible export: one you couldn't stub your toe on if you found it on a quayside — but it counted, all the same. For centuries, exports of services have been one of Britain's strong suits, and as chairman of British Invisibles he worked hard to make sure they were noticed. The news of his death this month conjured up memories of Pat Limerick, alert and cheerful, his facial expression somehow resembling a fox-terrier's, as he marshalled a troupe of bankers and brokers round some distant capital which was being introduced to the joys of doing business with the City. Herding cats came naturally to this terrier. When he took the troupe to Tokyo, he was received with courteous formality: 'You are British invisibles? Ali? It is so good to see you..
Print money
THIS week's investment idea — now you see it, now you don't — comes to me from Ashley Jenkins, art dealers and publishers with an address in New Bond Street. 'There's absolutely no catch whatsoever.' writes Aiwen Banning, BA. 'This is the light at the end of the tunnel you have been waiting for! It is a financial opportunity where you may be eligible to receive a 10.4 per cent return, paid quarterly direct to your bank.' He explains that Ashley Jenkins publishes decorative prints, leases them to companies to hang on office walls, and is willing to cut me in: 'The return is offered based on availability of leasing contracts, so be quick and enjoy new peace of mind with this low risk financial alternative' I am not quick enough. When I telephone Ashley Jenkins, Mr Banning is not to be found, and a colleague explains that the 10.4 per cent return is off. Just as well. I dare say. Opportunities like this are outside the scope of investor protection, as so many people found out when they invested in ostriches.
Up with the times
'POOR Alex,' said my guest at lunch in the City, 'he's not part of the Zeitgeist any more.' Alex, I thought, would take particular offence at the expression 'poor'. He is the archetypal investment banker drawn by Peattie and Taylor for the Daily Telegraph, his fortunes have mirrored the market's, and this week Megabank fired him. This is indeed a sign of changed times in the City, where you can now get a lunch-table. Investment bankers in Alex's shoes pretend to have set themselves up as consultants, or to have gone plural, or to be launching a niche-shaped financial boutique. In that sense he is sure to be right up there with the Zeitgeist. All the same, I observe that the outbreak of Store Wars will provide highly paid work for 11 different firms of financial advisers, with a full supporting cast of lawyers, accountants and lobbyists. Alex will bounce back.
Previous page
