YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. .
Q. Every day, on the school run, I have to pass the bungalow of a local tradesman. There I see an ongoing sequence of grandiose 'improvements' being made no doubt partly financed by his ill-gotten gains in overcharging people like me. The bungalow stands near the gates to a state- ly home, and this has clearly inspired his recent additions of 'Kentucky Fried Geor- gian' stone cladding, carriage lamps, a replica of the 'Three Graces' and mean- ingless wicker arches all over the minus- cule garden. How can I punish his preten- sion?
Name and address withheld A. Why not apply to the council, on his behalf, for planning permission for a draw- bridge and moat around the bungalow? This will send the officials around in dou- ble-quick time, and may trigger them to call for a curb on his excesses.
Q. My wife and I live in a small flat in a popular cultural city. Last week one of my wife's friends rang up and asked if her boyfriend could stay with us for a week as he was doing an art course in the city. Despite not having met this chap before, and explaining that we had limited space in the flat, my wife felt she could not say no, as she had often in the past stayed with this girl in London and therefore felt she owed her a favour. I am, however, very put out as I am currently studying for exams and the only spare bedroom is my study, so I will have to move all my papers out. To make matters worse, my wife is going to be away on work during the same period, so it is going to be up to me to be sociable and hospitable to someone I have never met when I need my privacy to revise. This is causing us some anguish as my wife is reluctant to ring her friend and say that she has changed her mind because she is worried this might cause offence. How do I put this chap off with- out upsetting my wife's friend or my wife? Help, please?
M.J.S., Bath A. Why not adjust your attitude, and view the inconvenience as a blessing in dis- guise? It is a well-known fact that people find it difficult to concentrate in their own domestic premises as the distraction risk is high. Your wife can therefore ring the chap up and suggest that he might like to bring a friend along with him for the week of his art course as you will both be away — you staying in a cheap hotel for this key week to enable you to revise for your exams. In this way you can benefit doubly: first by appearing to be incredibly gener- ous, and second, while returning the favour, by actually saving — through not having to buy food for your guest and by not spending money on evening activities to amuse him. This will easily cover the cost of your hotel bill.
Mary Killen
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