Westminster Corridors
Were Puzzle a religious fellow he would choose a text for the week gone in politics with singular good sense from the Apocrypha, in the Book of Ecclesiasticus, where it refers to the judge whom none blessed before his death. The good Judge Donaldson apparently has pleased no one, but in Puzzle's contorted wisdom any chap who can upset. Master Nicholas Winterton, Skipper Heath and Citizen Foot within a few short days is a man of some quality.
Indeed Puzzle will go further and place Judge Donaldson in the same category as that excellent Scottish Senator of the eighteenth century, Judge Braxfield, who, upon sentencing a chess-playing friend to death, added the cheering word, "Aye that's checkmate Mattha." Sir John has done much more than preserve the traditional gallows humour of his calling but shown a rare ability to keep abreast of the times.
Citizen Foot reminded us, the other evening, of this rare judicial quality when he recalled the speech of Judge Donaldson to the annual dinner of the London Solicitors' Litigation Association in November 1972 — a body whose pronouncements Puzzle follows with the same avid interest as Citizen Foot.
The industrial judge told the lively litigants of the work of his court: "In circumstances of emergency we can become positively like James Bond. We have available to us the services of private inquiry agents and can call upon a fleet of radio-controlled cars and even a private aircraft."
How the merry old soul of Puzzle warms to such a man. Think of all the grim figures who inhabit the law courts, the extent of whose humour is to call their house "Truncheons" and who think that "Goldfinger" is the name of a firm of Jewish solicitors. Puzzle now understands why Lord Goodman was able to achieve such a remarkable success as a shadowy gobetween. Obviously Sir John Donaldson sees him as the celebrated character "Odd Job".
And who knows where the fantasy world of Sir John ends? No doubt the Lord Chief Justice must be "M" and Mr Hughie Scanlon clearly is "Dr No." Then there is the question of women, for no Bond scenario is complete without them but the political world offers, Puzzle fears, pretty short rations. In the circumstances Miss Norah Beloff will have to serve as Miss Moneypenny, and much as I regret raising the lady's -name again Marcia Williams will be Pussy Galore. It was decent of Citizen Foot to remind the nation of this fantasy world enjoyed by Sir John and it can be put to practical use for there has been some speculation as to where he will go when his court disappears. Now it is perfectly apparent; he must be sent to the juvenile court where his rich and fertile imagery will appeal greatly to the young.
Puzzle must not, however, be seen to be .churlish about the achievements of Lord Oddjob Goodman. What a lifetime of service be it smoothing out the differences between men, women, tenors and Lord Drogheda; putting impertinent pop groups in their place when they upset Mr Wilson; using his great knowledge of criminals to deal with Mr Ian Smith; leading the Newspaper Proprietors to see Citizen Foot with the plea to do anything. to save the industry from Mr Scanlon; serving Heath, Wilson, the law, politics, the Arts and the newspaper industry. When shall we see the .like again?
And when will this tight little island raise its once proud head and acknowledge that we can still take our place among the nations of the world because of the very existence of Lord Oddjob? He has survived under as many egomaniacal bosses as Andrey Gromyko; his talents are as varied as Dr Kissinger; he is as private as Chairman Mao, retreating behind strategically positioned aspidistras when television cameras appear.
Let us all then praise famous men, and, placing such pygmies as Messrs Heath and Wilson behind us, remember with gratitude 007 Donaldson and Oddjob Goodman. Puzzle grows lachrymose and retreats to the malmsey.
Tom Puzzle
Previous page
